Most Read
Most Commented
Read more like this
mk-logo
From Our Readers

Do forgive me for stating the obvious, but the dozens of parties who have tried to put Najib Abdul Razak in the clear in respect of the three major scandals in which he is implicated all have portrayed themselves as completely but completely unreliable.

At least they seem so to those who are not partial to boot-polishing, are spine-endowed so as to not prostrate themselves and grovel at Najib’s feet, and have functioning beige matter between their ears. I have been saying ‘beige’, because it is actually beige and not grey.

And I am being kind. Or else I would have said they have portrayed themselves as morons with atrophied, putrefying matter between their ears.

And they all have failed miserably.

Just take a look at Najib’s deputy, no less. He has claimed to have allegedly met King Abdullah, whom he would have those of his IQ quotient believe to be the maker of the celebrated ±US$681 million payment passed off as donation.

He is so much thicker than two short planks that he never realised that the king had months earlier descended six feet underground - presumably aided, because one would not suppose that he was capable of burying himself.

While we are aware of how some of the Umno folk seem to enjoy enriching shamans and the like, and we would be prepared to stretch our imagination to breaking point - if we had nothing better to do, that is - the deputy’s credibility is so non-existent that his words have become as meaningless and worthless as the gas exiting the orifice in his rear end.

Which now brings us to the former police commando Sirul Azhar Umar and the Australian Immigration.

Sirul the liar

Only weeks ago, Sirul claimed that Altantuya Shaariibuu was not pregnant when he allegedly pumped bullets into her skull. This claim was obviously made to dispel and demolish any notion that a VIP had previously impregnated her, something many seem to have speculated.

But at the trial of Altantuya’s barbarous murder and highly explosive annihilation, he did say that she was pregnant and begging to be spared of her life due to her condition.

So, Sirul is a bloody liar.

Whether he has lied at the trial or recently does not matter. What matters is that his word has no value, that he is a moron with very, very short memory.

Oh, it seems many have forgotten this, but at around the time of Sirul’s vain attempt to exonerate Najib, we were also informed that another video would be released wherein he would reveal the identities of five persons who were supposed to have induced him to put Najib in a bad light.

We shall assume that the inducing is the act of promising to transfer a fairly substantial - ahem! - donation into his personal-but-not-personal bank accounts.

Weeks has (no, it is not ‘have’) passed by, but we have yet to be stupefied by the explosive revelation.

Question for Sirul: Where is the video? Shall we assume that gremlins and leprechauns have been naughty with the 1s and 0s on the digital disk and thus rendered the video corrupt?

A fairy tale concocted by Australian Immigration

When my former schoolmates and I were in upper primary school, we read ‘The Arabian Nights’ and tales by the likes of the Brothers Grimm, Hans Christian Anderson, and Aesop as our Literature materials. The complete versions and not the abridged ones. I loved those fairy tales. I still love fairy tales.

According to Australian Immigration, Sirul’s videos were not made at that certain five-star resort.

Of course, they were not. The magician-seer Sirul has the ability to not only cause a woman to be pregnant now and then very unpregnant the next moment, but also to foresee what will happen in future.

Even before Sirul had received the invitation from Australian Immigration to holiday at that particular resort, he was able to foresee the lawyers Kamarul Hisham and Hasnul Rezua Merican discussing his case at a press conference held many moons later.

But party-pooper senior lawyer Americk Sidhu has spoiled the magical atmosphere created by the very imaginative Australian Immigration in asserting Sirul’s non-possessing of the abilities clairvoyance and teleaudience.

Bad ‘Lord’, where are your findings?

Those hell-bent on portraying the Sarawak Report and other whistleblowing-exposers as nothing but despicable mischief makers and Najib as more innocent than a newborn lamb have a cranium lit with a light source emitting very low lux as to be completely absent, and a RAM of snail-sluggish speed and ultra-low capacity.

We now go to another one of them, one Brian Lord.

“Lord who?” you, doubtless, would be wondering.

Can’t blame you, my friend. Yes, he’s disappeared from our radar as fast as he has zipped into it that he is a forgotten blip.

Lord is the managing director of Protection Group International (PGI). In case you have also forgotten, the PGI is supposed to be filled with cyber-experts.

Experts. Hmm..!

You know what they say about experts? Experts are those who can give you ten reasons your suggestion will not work but themselves aren’t able to offer any that will.

In July last year, this Lord first pompously castigated the Sarawak Report . He also said editor Clare Rewcastle-Brown’s journalism was slipshod.

If you asked me, I seriously doubt he can even tell the difference between journalism writing and short story writing and never mind what the former entails.

And just in case Lord happens to read this and asks the air in front of him if I can, I will answer, yes, I most certainly can. I am familiar with the various writing genres and what they entail.

Anyway, he first spouted impressive-sounding terms such as ‘metadata’.

Unfortunately for this - ahem! - expert, Rewcastle-Brown was able, in the blink of an eye, so to speak, to illustrate that his reading of the metadata concerned actually showed that he was totally ignorant of what he was supposed to be an expert at.

Blimey!

To impress his audience, Lord stated that he and his fellow experts at the PGI would need six months to analyse the Xavier Justo materials in their laboratory - wow! A laboratory! How impressive! - and prove that, as he has said, “There are many inconsistencies between the published data and the data which still exists on files within PetroSaudi relating to that period of time. Simply put, it is incomplete data, creatively selected and edited to fit a desired narrative.”

Good Lord, how naughty of Rewcastle-Brown, what?

Well, my arithmetic tells me that some nine months has passed by.

Good Lord, how time has flown, what?

Question for Brian Lord: So, ‘bad Lord’, where are your findings, then?

Do you understand English? I am asking where are the inconsistencies that you have unearthed?

Silence.

God stone the blooming crows!


ODIN TAJUE is a regular Malaysiakini commenter.

ADS