I am a Muslim, and I am confused. I also hope that the Muslim community will forgive me for being confused, but this confusion is beyond my control. Let me be specific. I am not confused about Islam. To paraphrase from Al-Quran, I believe in Allah, the Angels, the Books, and the Messengers and their message. What is confusing me is how that message is being applied here in Malaysia.

When the issue over mosques for the Chinese community came up, muftis from different states went on record disagreeing with each other. One mufti said it would lead to disunity, while the other said that he would support the mosques.

Just recently, the director of Ikim (the Institute for Islamic Understanding) and the Prime Minister's religious advisor expressed contrary views about Islam and the status of non-Muslims in Malaysia.

The director of Ikim stated that forcing people to become Muslim as a precondition of marriage (an application of Islamic teaching to Malaysian law) actually created more problems because in many cases, the intention was improper. He also stated that expectation that new converts to Islam should change their names were somewhat unreasonable. Both actions combined to diminish the value of Islam in the eyes of Malaysians.

However, the religious advisor restated a belief that mosques for the Chinese community were unnecessary and would lead to disunity among Muslims. He also stated that the requirement for Muslim converts to change their names was a reasonable one, as some non-Muslim names were 'inappropriate' for Muslims.

So can you understand why I am confused? I am getting mixed messages from the leaders who are supposed to provide insight about Islam in Malaysia. Looking at the society around me just makes things more confusing. In the state of Kelantan, a state governed by a 'conservative' Islamic party, mosques using Chinese architectural styles are being built, and the state government is on record supporting mosques for the Chinese Muslim community.

Sumateran-style mosques, with the three-tiered roof that is similar to a 'pagoda' structure, are common in Malacca and Negeri Sembilan. Then there are the Muslims themselves. If non-Muslims keeping their original names is 'inappropriate' then what can be said about names given to Muslims? Can names like 'Jasmine', 'Jeffrey', and 'Daniel' be considered appropriate?

I am really confused. These debates about Islam in society are tough enough to deal with, but I have additional problems. You see, I am in love. I am a Muslim who is in love with a Chinese Malaysian, a Buddhist. Apparently, when I was praying to Allah to introduce a fine, respectable, upstanding woman into my life, I failed to specify that she be a Muslim and from an ethnic group similar to mine. Even stranger is that my parents and many of my Muslim friends like her and think that we belong together.

I don't want to create problems or trouble in my life. I just want to make the most of the life that Allah has given me. Confusing messages are one thing, but confusing laws are another thing.

I think it is unfair to require her to become Muslim just to certify the marriage. Sure, I'd like for her to learn about Islam, but faith is an intensely personal thing. To me, Islam is very much a relationship between an individual and God. Being forced to change one's religion and name just for legal purposes just seems pointless and insulting to Islam and to the individual as well.

With all these confusing messages, I'm sure that I'm not the only one who thinks that Malaysian society really needs to sit down and figure itself out.

Oh, and I stand by my support for mosques for the Chinese-Muslim community. If mosques for the Tamil-Muslim community and the Indian-Muslim community and the Pakistani-Muslim community have not created disunity in Malaysia, then neither will mosques for the Chinese- Muslim community.

In my short life, I have heard 'khutbah' (Friday sermons) in English, French, Arabic, Urdu, Hindi, Tamil, Bosnian, Turkish, Bahasa Malaysia and Bahasa Indonesia. I look forward to one day hearing a 'khutbah' in Mandarin or Cantonese, here in Malaysia.