With reference to criminalising marital rape, as some readers have pointed out, physical evidence or who is forcing the other to have sex is not the issue here. Yes, marital rape should be a crime but the laws of evidence to build a case against the marital rapist should be based on what rape is really about: power.

Women's groups, lawmakers and the public can debate till the cows come home on why marital rape should be an offence but we must go back to what this law is purporting to protect. Just the women or both parties?

While we know women are often the victims of rape, one must admit that because of the contract of marriage, the lines between consensual sex and rape are blurred, which gives marital rape a special status which cannot be viewed as the same.

If Malaysian men cannot be trusted to respect their wives in the bedroom, how can we trust Malaysian women never to abuse this law once it's passed? Equal or not, the temptation to abuse this legislation if it is not properly thought out exists, and if not checked, will create a floodgate of legislation from unhappy wives whose only motivation may be a philandering husband.

So the real question is, yes marital rape must be an offence, but what are the checks and balances to prove rape in a marriage? It has to go beyond simple consent or lack of it, and the fact that the victim is almost always the woman.

Medical evidence of physical abuse? History of violent behaviour or sexual harassment by the man towards other women, such as his work colleagues? And what about the other way around? Is the financial position of the wife improved tremendously once the husband is convicted of rape? Was the husband seeing someone else?

What about other motives, such as if she's already seeing someone on the outside or has tired of the marriage (and hence the sex) and sees no way in getting out of it except to put this man she is beginning to resent in jail?

This makes it all sound very difficult but if we want this legislation to go through, we must provide ways and means to ensure that it will not be abused. We cannot simply assert that women are almost always at the lower end of the scale, and therefore no checks need to be given.