Mine is a rather sad tale of a young Malaysian full of hope and patriotic enthusiasm, which is slowly but surely trickling away.

I am now 31 years old and draw a comfortable monthly salary of US$22,000 in a foreign land. Yet, I yearn to return home. I miss my home, my family, my friends, my Malaysian hawker food and the life in Malaysia.

I have been told by government-linked corporations and private companies in Malaysia that at best, I would still have to take a 70 percent pay cut if I return to Malaysia to work. I am prepared and willing to accept that. My country has done a lot for me, so I should not complain about money.

But of late, my idealistic vision of my country has really come crashing down, harder and faster than ever before. I read about the annual fiasco involving non-bumiputera top scorers who are denied entry to critical courses at local universities.

I read about Umno Youth attacking the so-called meritocracy system for university admission because there are less than 60 percent of bumiputera students in law and pharmacy, whilst conveniently keeping silent about the fact that 90 percent of overseas scholarship recipients are bumis and that bumis form the vast majority in courses like medicine, accountancy and engineering at local universities.

I read about the higher education minister vowing that non-bumiputera Malaysians will never ever step foot into UiTM. I read about the brilliant Prof KS Jomo, who was denied a promotion to senior professor (not even to head of department), although he was backed by references from three Nobel Prize winners.

I read about how UM's world-renowned scholar Dr Edmund Terence Gomez is forced to resign and not being given leave to take up a prestigious UN appointment.

I read about Umno Youth accusing Chinese schools of being detrimental to racial integration, while demanding that Mara Junior Science Colleges and other residential schools be kept only for bumiputeras.

I read that at our local universities, not a single vice-chancellor or deputy vice-chancellor is non-bumiputera. I read that in the government, not a single secretary-general of any ministry is a non-bumiputera.

I read about the poor having to pay full price for a house whilst millionaires demand their 10 percent bumiputera discount when buying RM2 million bungalows in a gated community.

I read about my beloved national schools becoming more and more Islamic by the day, enforced by overzealous principals. I read about my Form 4 World History (Sejarah Dunia) syllabus, which now contains only one chapter of world history, with Islamic history covering the rest of the book.

As I read all this, I tremble with fear. I love my country and long to return. I am willing to take a 70 percent pay cut. I am willing to face a demotion. I honestly want to contribute my expertise in complex financial services and capital markets.

I can deal with the lack of democracy, the lack press freedom, the ISA, our inefficient and bureaucratic civil service, our awful manners and even a little corruption. But I cannot deal with racism in my homeland.

I pray that our leaders have the foresight and humanity to see that the present experiment will not work and cannot continue. I pray that they will have the strength to make our country a home for all Malaysians and that they will have mercy for the poor, including the non-Malays.

I pray for true racial harmony and acceptance (not just tolerance) in Malaysia. Is there a future for me, for my children and for their children? I am truly frightened.