In the international TV commercial for 'Malaysia, Truly Asia', a squeaky-cutesy young woman's voice sings of the paradise of Malaysia, truly Asia. White tourists crane their necks upward and gape in ecstatic awe as if they had never seen big trees and birds before.

Foreigners also delight and marvel at the homespun dignity, hospitality and the-world-is-one-tree-and-all-its- people-are-its-branches warm and fuzzy love of the kampungs.

Cut to reality: the Sultan of Johor, who says 'foreigners are dirty'. (He means, specifically, white foreigners, apparently.)

Malaysia truly Asia: Ah, the foreigners are rendered speechless by the mighty KL skyline, smiling through tears and waving a final farewell, until we meet again, to magnificent KL.

Cut to reality: religious police scold a foreign man (taking time out only to choke a bit on the 'haze') for putting his arm around his wife (which is what happened to me once in KL).

Malaysia truly Asia: skimpy bikinis snorkeling in pristine waters.

Cut to reality: Islamic lunatics busting down doors demanding to see marriage certificates.

Just what is Malaysia, truly?