Below is a letter from my dog named Valentino on the coming general elections:

‘Elections are back! For a mutt, this is bad news. Let me explain why. For politicians, it is only usual during this fight for power to use us dogs as example to describe another human. Most of the time, the other human is a candidate of the opposition or his cronies.

So taking into consideration all the verbal abuse we mutts suffer during this voting time, I decided to write this letter to set some of the canine-affecting political factors clear. If at all any time was a good time to write a Letter to the Editor, it is now, with the election stinking around the corner like our good ‘ole garbage truck ( I say garbage truck because even we mongrels know that it will not be a fair election and this year’s particular fight for power will stink to high heavens and back).

To hear dogs being linked and likened to politicians is disturbing. Instead of dragging our names down to the level of politics, why don’t you highlight in your speeches our faithfulness, our loyal and fun-loving nature? Someone also told me once that in certain circles, cheering for the underdog is one sure fire way to ingratiate yourself to the best people.

Politics in Malaysia can be hilarious especially during the party-voting seasons and parliament sessions. Unlike the breeding season of Artic wolves, there are no teeth baring growls or marking of territories on trees, but one can see silly childish stunts such as name-calling, dagger-kissing and remarks of one’s menstrual cycles.

For the past 50 years, I’d say Malaysia has managed to skip and trot on a moderate course. Yet our politicians shape the politics with ideas that seem to originate from the extremities of one’s rear. Some even unite and bond in questionably weird way. What unites these rodents in such unlikely harmony?

Is it because that while they profess their love for the oldest rainforest of the world, they would gladly raze acres and acres of forest reserves? Or maybe build palatial mansions that can house the whole population of Timbuktu?

Why do we call them members of parliament, duty-bound to protect the very people they represent, but are instead happy to line their own pockets? Or how about those who accept bribes and lie and steal so they can fuel their jets and yachts? Disguising their greed with a coating of verbal candy, so sickeningly sweet, it gives you pancreatic failure immediately!

The task to elect a good government has now befallen on your shoulders, my dear humans. To elect a good government, you need to learn how the institution of power works. Be well informed. Know your rights and vote smart. This is your chance to change what you don’t like about this country, so use the opportunity given wisely.

I hope I don’t sound like a foaming-at-the-mouth rabid canine. I know all Malaysians want a good governing government, but in this respect, I guess you’d have better luck finding a leprechaun.’