A reader responds to Polygamy issue arouses passions in Malaysia

I AM 34 years old. Attractive, educated, with a challenging and interesting career. I've been around the world and have met a lot of guys. I fell in love with a man 13 years older than me at first sight. I just thought I've got to have this guy, and I've got him. He is 47 now, but I swear he doesn't look his age. All my friends thought he is 37 or 38. Looks can be deceiving but if he's mine, it's okay.

I met him six beautiful years ago and we are still going strong. We can never get enough of each other. I never thought he was married in the first place because he looked so young when he was actually 41. I asked, because he was always missing during the weekends!

And he gave me a straight answer...I like that. Most guys, especially the Malays, will do anything to hide their marital status which really pissed me off. I went out with a Datuk who bought me a Beetle Volkswagen for my birthday, for a while. I left him and the car when I found out the truth about his marriage. He thought he could have me with money and lies. Well, he was wrong! I left him just like that.

Men, you have no right to lie to us about your marriage. It is our prerogative to choose whether we want to stay in the relationship with you or not!

Why is my lover and I not married? Because I am a Muslim and he is a Buddhist. I don't want him to convert just for the sake of getting married. It's not right. Other people may have other opinions. But to me, no. If he wants to convert, it has to be because he believes and he has great faith in Allah s.w.t., not because he wants to marry me. That's the true reason why someone convert. And this is my stand.

It's really complicated. I love him and God knows how much I want to spend my life with him legally but I'm not a marriage wrecker. I will leave him if his wife can't accept me. I will leave him if his wife ask him to choose between us. It's just unfair for me to create havoc in his other life. I learn to tolerate, I learn to be more patient, I learn to sacrifice, to give up, to let go, to understand...all because I love him so much and I don't know why I love him so much. I just do.

'I'm his little princess'

I have great respect for his wife. We have never met because I know it's going to hurt all of us, so we leave it as it is. We know of each other's presence in our man's life but we never interfere into each other's lives. I know what's going on in his family but it's not my right to interfere. As long as he knows his responsibilities to his wife, kids, his business and me, that's all it matters.

Why am I still with him? Because he treats me so well, like I'm his little princess, and he will never do anything to hurt me and I know for sure that he will never leave me. That's a security that no other man can give.

Sure, I can have other single man and I have no problem of getting a man but the choice is limited. I don't simply go out with any other Jack and John. I am choosy because I know what I want and what I am worth. I would rather be single until the day I die than being with a loser. It's my choice and I'm happy with it.

Do I miss out on married life? Not at all. Every time I meet my married girlfriends, all I listen are complaints about their husband, their dull and boring married life, their in-laws, the kids and the financial problems. It's scary. Me, I have no complaints at all. I am happy even though I am just the other woman. As long as he loves me.. that's what matters.

He is one lucky guy. He has his wife who adores him and takes good care of his family. He has two lovely kids who are excellent in their studies and personal lives and respect me enough not to interfere into my life. And he has me, his companion or his mistress whatever you want to call it, I don't give a @#$%!

I know other women would hate me but I'm not a serial marriage wrecker. It so happened that I fell in love with a man who is already married - you don't check his marriage status before you decide to fall in love with him, right? It's always the other way round!

Anyway, I have chosen to be with him and I will take come what may. - Hermosa