HAZLIN Hassan's article ( Rentakini ) on polygamy caught my attention and bored a hole in my heart. It is an issue that I have always wanted to talk about but had dared not for obvious reasons.
Before I continue, to the Muslim sisters and brothers, please be advised that this is not a comment on religion. Facts are stated as they are and the people mentioned in my story are real but the names have been changed for anonymity. These wives mentioned here are casualties of polygamy, one way or another.
CASE 1
Zawiah, a mother of four children aged between 10 and three had to earn her keeps by selling goreng pisang daily. Her husband, she learnt, took a second wife without Zawiah's knowledge. His provision for the household was reduced from insufficient to meager, prompting Zawiah to open her stall longer hours for additional income.
One fateful day, she had a freak accident at her stall - second degree burns from boiling oil. She recalls being extremely tired after a sleepless night, having kept vigil on her child who had taken ill. The left side of the body now had permanent ugly scars right from neck downwards, covering her breast, stomach and thigh. Her husband left her for good for the second wife citing Zawiah's medical condition as an excuse. He said she was not appealing enough for him anymore.
Zawiah filed for divorcee and alimony in the Syariah court and after a tedious process, the court decided that Zawiah's husband will have to pay an alimony. It has been two years now and he has not even visited his children once nor paid them anything.
She reported this to the same Syariah court but there hasn't been any action. She lives on welfare from various organisations and supports her income peddling all kinds of stuff. Did she lose her husband because she had the accident or was it just an excuse for Zawiah's husband to leave her to fully dote on his second wife? This mind boggling question remains unanswered. But Zawiah tells me, her ex now has three children from the second marriage and he has of late been seen around with a new catch.
CASE 2
Just one year and a half into marriage, Hazlin had reasons to believe hat her husband was fooling with girls. With a year old child, she endured his infidelity while trying to win him over with all her might. His escapades became more apparent and bold. Being an intelligent sort, she was able to pin her husband red-handed several times. One girlfriend even confessed that she didn't know she was dating a married man. Having no other option she arranged for counseling session but the husband never turned up. She finally filed for divorce at the Syariah court.
I am full of admiration for this woman for she never once gave up hope on life. She pursued the divorce despite thwarting attempts by her husband. The husband did not want the divorce as he was living off her salary.
On several occasions he confessed that Hazlin had lost her appeal (and she was only 26 with extreme good looks). The husband also told Hazlin that he will not let her go, not because he loved her but he did not want her to find another man. He told her he would never free her.
After eight long grueling months, she was granted divorce, with alimony which Hazlin never saw, not that the court could do anything about. Incidentally, Hazlin and Zawiah are sisters.
CASE 3
Some 16 years ago, I used to know this colleague of mine, teaching in the same school. Every morning when the husband dropped her and the children off for school, they seemed like a perfect family. The children adored the father and he was a loving husband and father. I met the same teacher in a different state some ten years later and was I shocked. She wept openly and confessed that her husband had taken a second wife, a colleague some years younger than her.
The daughter who used to have a carefree outlook and buoyant personality as a child is very much an introvert now and the mother believes the divorce affected the daughter most. In this case, the husband asked for divorce as he said he was incapable of handling both wives and he loved the newcomer, more than the 'old' wife and the children.
CASE 4
A colleague of mine, Lina, was looking distressed and dejected of late, more so after a prolonged leave of absence. Concerned, I enquired if everything was okay. She dropped the bombshell that her husband wanted to marry a girl working with him in the same office.
Being her prim and proper self, she was in perfect control of her emotions. Lina is young, attractive and intelligent and her plus point is her extreme mild temperament. Lina told me she couldn't understand why. She believes there is some black magic involved here. It has been three months now, Lina has spoken at length about his decision with her husband, citing the children aged between seven years and six months as the main reason.
For now, the husband has agreed to think it over. For Lina, the nightmare is daily; the looming uncertainty is causing her emotional strain. Educated, capable and self-earning, Lina is far from ready to share her husband with another woman and so the battle continues.
I am not saying that polygamy is an issue unique to Muslims but I feel Muslim women will always suffer from this insecurity. It can happen to anyone at any age, to the rich and the poor. I talk to my Muslim friends on the issue of polygamy and I have yet to find a woman who will happily accept her husband marrying another.
I must talk about another friend of mine, Nadia, divorced and living with her only son. She did tell me that her husband left her for another woman. Again, I was surprised as this woman has them all; looks, brains and wealth, but then again there are always two sides to coin.
When we got closer she revealed that she was dating a married man. He spends two nights a week at her place and he has promised eternal union when he is divorced from his wife. He has three children. I was bitter and angry. Nadia, who was a victim of polygamy herself, is doing it to another of her own kind.
I tend to think it is not just the men but the women who are equally to be blamed. If every woman thinks rationally and stops snatching someone else's husband, life would be a lot easier on women and perhaps men as well.
Nadia's case is not unique to the Muslims alone but is an epidemic common to all. I have read widely on why and how polygamy came about in Islam but I will not get into any debate here. My intention is solely to highlight the plight of some of the women I know who have suffered from humiliation, dejection and is some case destitution.
However, in the case of the rich and famous, polygamy seems to be welcomed, but why not? Isn't it the quickest way to wealth and power, in some instances to fame and eminence?
BHAVANI KRISHNA IYER only wishes to be known as a Rentakini reader. Feedback can reach this column at [email protected]
