We have heard wide-ranging viewpoints on the recent debate in malaysiakini on the mandatory marital conversion to Islam. I want to share my real, personal story and to argue where the crux of the debate should lie.

My story is basically the same as Ng's ( About Shakespeare's cautionary tale on love ), except that mine has already ended while hers seem to be still on-going.

My Muslim ex-girlfriend and I loved each other very deeply, despite all the obstacles and restrictions. While we were dating, we always tried to be secretive, to stay away from public eyes, and to conceal our relationship from both our families. We just wanted to love each other without having to deal with all the political nonsense and third-party interference.

Although, unlike other couples, there were many things we could not do, we cared more for each other and were happier than most couples because we understood how precious it was just to be in each other's company.

Our relationship did not last longer than a year, but our love will last a lifetime. Every time we daydreamed together about having a normal family life together, we would inevitably arrive at the 'dead end', and we would cry.

She said that based on her past experience with a few Muslim men, she doubted if she would find someone who would love her as much as I did. She also understood that we did not want to put our children through the laws enacted in the name of religion, especially for our daughter(s).

Possessing a decent knowledge in the religion and the law, she has seen how difficult in practice it was for wives to divorce their husbands, but not vice versa, and had personally witnessed some cases of women being stuck in abusive marriages with unfaithful husbands who would not hesitate to resort to violence or legally condoned 'pressures' to keep their wives 'obedient'. It had made her hesitant to marry.

Thank God, she has now found a fiance who appears to be kind, gentle and who genuinely respects women. I still offered her my moral support, and we have promised to be each other's best friends for the rest of our lives.

We might not have arrived at the ultimate conclusion of true love, ie. marriage, but I can proudly say that the way we love each other could be exemplary of what love should be.

To Ng, carry on loving and I pray that you'll have God's blessings. But love is not about possession, and is not invalidated or nullified just because it does not result in marriage. The greater love is in letting go. I have never regretted falling in love with a Muslim woman, and in fact I am thankful to God for giving that opportunity to learn what love can really achieve.

Yes, Aleesha ( Those who refuse to convert are selfish lot ), I was selfish, but if I were to convert because of my personal needs and ending up perpetually subject to a system of laws which I have no freedom to opt out, I would be even more selfish.

And, yes, Norlinda ( If you love your partner, you'll convert ), maybe I didn't love her enough to convert, but I did love her enough not to ask her to become a murtad .

And maybe to you, my absolute faithfulness to her, my taking immediate leave of absence whenever she needed help (such as being involved in a car accident miles away from me, or when she was sick and needed medical attention) and my sneaking into the hospital to visit her on a daily basis despite my heavy workload - none of them qualify as an act of love.

To you, all the tears we shed together lamenting our predicament are just crocodile tears. All our suffering, pain and hurt on a daily basis means absolutely nothing. Maybe we deserved it, as Syed Azni would say.

For Norlinda, Aleesha and people like Husin Tapa ( Life is a jihad, including marriage ) and Syed Azni ( Fall in love with a Muslim? Be warned ), perhaps they should go beyond theocratic dogmas and teachings, and open their eyes to the real-life consequences and impact of their thinking on human lives.