Acknowledgement of one’s mistake is critical for self-progress. About one year ago, I was never a fan of street protests. Despite supporting street protests in other parts of the world, I didn’t want one back at home. I cheered on the Rose, Velvet and Orange revolutions which loosened Eastern Europe, yet I frowned at Bersih 2 and Bersih 3.

I talked proudly about the suffragist and suffragette movement in the west which pursued women’s equality, but I regretted the previous Bersih movements which pursued clean and fair elections which are inherently about equality in politics.

Malaysia is full of ironies. Some of the Malaysians who celebrated Barack Obama’s victory as the first African-American president are also the very same people who’d fight tooth and nail against the appointment of a non-bumi into positions of power, despite his/her merits.

Some of the very same Malaysian Muslims who condemn the mistreatment of Muslim minorities abroad (hijab ban/Islamophobia/hate speeches) are the very same Muslims who would silence dissenting views of people of different faiths or even discriminate those who come from the same religion but a different sect. I have my own internal contradiction as well. The contradiction of supporting street protests abroad, but not back at home.

I had been indoctrinated to believe that street protests in Malaysia are inherently violent. I had been indoctrinated to believe that street protests hurt small businesses in the protest area. I had been indoctrinated to believe that street protests destroy Malaysia’s reputation in the eyes of the global community. Damn, was I wrong. These presumptions were quickly debunked when I popped my ‘street-rally’ virginity at Bersih 4.

I decided to attend Bersih last year as I was truly frustrated with the ruling government. This was a time where the ‘2.6 billion donation’ scandal was at its height. This was a time where institutions of democracy were continuously assaulted by the ruling government.

I stepped down from working in the Prime Minister’s Office and also was at the verge of losing two of my other jobs due to my outspokenness. This frustration led me to commit to the unconventional. To commit myself to join a street protest which I was against before.

When the day came, I decided to not wear the Bersih yellow-shirt as I still feared the consequences that would befall me if I was caught there. I also was with a trusted friend whom I knew wouldn’t rat me out to my bosses. We parked near the rally site and decided to go by foot there.

By noon, I was walking with tens of thousands of people who were singing and chanting together. These people weren’t aliens to me. They’re my fellow Malaysians. They’re here to express their frustration like me. We were united for a cause which we believed in.

Hope that Malaysia would not stand alone

This collective struggle gave me hope that Malaysia would not stand alone. It signalled to my moral conscience that the people with me were patriots who would brace the scorching heat and uncertainties to pursue a brighter Malaysia for all. We were in unison. The feeling of togetherness definitely reinvigorated by spirit to fight on.

To my surprise, there were almost no violent supporters. The vast majority of the supporters were calm and peaceful. It was more of a carnival feeling than a violent street riot. Malaysians were singing, dancing and chanting together as one people. The restaurants nearby were filled with ‘yellow-shirted’ customers.

When I interviewed one of the boutique owners at Pasar Seni, one Aiman, he told me that business has never been better. One by one of my negative preconceptions on Bersih were disproven.

Unsurprisingly, I bumped into a lot of my colleagues who also worked with the government. They were there to vent their frustration as well. We knew that our heads would be on the chopping block if we were caught, but we also knew that inaction meant that we were betraying our beloved country.

When we checked our phones, we received a barrage of propaganda-laced messages which stated that the protesters were violent and unruly. That businesses could go bankrupt due to Bersih. That Malaysia’s image was forever tainted. I received the very same messages which I once believed.

But for once, I was fuming in anger when I read the propaganda stories churned out by the Prime Minister’s Office. I screamed, “Ini semua fitnah” “pembohong”. I used my experience as a potent rebuttal to counter those allegations. When family and friends shared those propaganda, I rebutted them. I became the unofficial defender of Bersih.

Little by little, my close friends and family who were once Anti-Bersih, opened up their hearts to attending Bersih due to my testimonies. I had to make up for my past mistakes. The least I can do is to work my ass off to save the future.

I am proud to say that this Saturday, I will be one of the leaders leading a large number of Bersatu members to Bersih. I have also convinced my family to join on board! My mum, dad, brothers and even grandfather will be there with me. This will be their first time attending a street protest.

We will be there not as Malays, not as muslims, not as teachers nor family members, but we will be there as Malaysians who would do whatever it takes to save Malaysia. We are one in this struggle. The Malaysian struggle.

SYED SADDIQ SYED ABDUL RAHMAN is a part-time lecturer at Universiti Islam Antarabangsa (UIA) Malaysia and is Asia’s best debater, winning the United Asia Debate Championship in May 2015.