Acknowledgement of one’s mistake is critical for self-progress. About one year ago, I was never a fan of street protests. Despite supporting street protests in other parts of the world, I didn’t want one back at home. I cheered on the Rose, Velvet and Orange revolutions which loosened Eastern Europe, yet I frowned at Bersih 2 and Bersih 3.

I talked proudly about the suffragist and suffragette movement in the west which pursued women’s equality, but I regretted the previous Bersih movements which pursued clean and fair elections which are inherently about equality in politics.

Malaysia is full of ironies. Some of the Malaysians who celebrated Barack Obama’s victory as the first African-American president are also the very same people who’d fight tooth and nail against the appointment of a non-bumi into positions of power, despite his/her merits.

Some of the very same Malaysian Muslims who condemn the mistreatment of Muslim minorities abroad (hijab ban/Islamophobia/hate speeches) are the very same Muslims who would silence dissenting views of people of different faiths or even discriminate those who come from the same religion but a different sect. I have my own internal contradiction as well. The contradiction of supporting street protests abroad, but not back at home.

I had been indoctrinated to believe that street protests in Malaysia are inherently violent. I had been indoctrinated to believe that street protests hurt small businesses in the protest area. I had been indoctrinated to believe that street protests destroy Malaysia’s reputation in the eyes of the global community. Damn, was I wrong. These presumptions were quickly debunked when I popped my ‘street-rally’ virginity at Bersih 4.

I decided to attend Bersih last year as I was truly frustrated with the ruling government. This was a time where the ‘2.6 billion donation’ scandal was at its height. This was a time where institutions of democracy were continuously assaulted by the ruling government.

I stepped down from working in the Prime Minister’s Office and also was at the verge of losing two of my other jobs due to my outspokenness. This frustration led me to commit to the unconventional. To commit myself to join a street protest which I was against before.

When the day came, I decided to not wear the Bersih yellow-shirt as I still feared the consequences that would befall me if I was caught there. I also was with a trusted friend whom I knew wouldn’t rat me out to my bosses. We parked near the rally site and decided to go by foot there.

By noon, I was walking with tens of thousands of people who were singing and chanting together. These people weren’t aliens to me. They’re my fellow Malaysians. They’re here to express their frustration like me. We were united for a cause which we believed in.