COMMENT | I asked my mum the other day if she would be upset in case she was sent to a rumah orang tua (home for the elderly) in the future.

“Why would you want to send me away when I have my own home right here?” she frowned.

I smiled, trying to ease the instant tension on her face.

“It’s a hypothetical question, Ma,” I said.

“In that case, my answer was hypothetical too,” she answered flatly.

“What if you and Dad aren’t well and I can’t take care of you?” I asked again.

“We don’t need anyone to take care of us, thank you. We are capable of taking care of ourselves.” Once again, she frowned.

“These are just a series of hypothetical questions, Ma. No need to take it to heart, okay?” I assured her.

“Good. So are my answers,” she answered while busy peeling some onions.

“What if you both need assistance and we aren’t capable of being by your side 24/7?” I pressed further.

“Nothing will happen to us. We will be okay. Allah will take care of us,” Mum said. She wasn’t about to give up.

I chuckled.

“Ma, if anything happens, rest assured that I will drop everything I am doing and be with both of you 24/7.

“But what if I cannot take care of both of you at home? What if we need special assistance from a healthcare centre or a special home?” I asked once again.

Mum stopped slicing her onions. Her eyes were watery.

“I am not crying. Don’t get any ideas,” she clarified.

I laughed as I handed her a tissue.

“No thank you, save the trees please,” she said as she wiped her eyes using her sleeves.

“Would you agree then, if we sent you to a special home?” I repeated.

Mum scooped the sliced onions into a small bowl while remaining silent for a while.

“Ma, these are just...”

Before I could finish my sentence, Mum decided to cut in.

“...hypothetical questions, right? I know.”

I smiled, anticipating her answer.

“I think if you have no choice, then you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do,” Mum said, slowly.

Free will

I held Mum’s hands, hoping to continue with my series of questions.

“What if you are in the home for the elderly and after a while, we stopped visiting you?” I said in a serious tone.

Mom burst out laughing.

I was confused.

“I know what you are doing. You are writing an article about that BN MP from Kuala Kangsar who suggested forcing children who send their parents to old folks’ homes to visit their parents, right?” Mum said between her laughter.

Mum got me there.

“You are too smart, Ma. I wanted to get your genuine feelings and opinion about (BN Kuala Kangsar MP) Mastura Yazid’s recommendation to Parliament recently, to have children sending their parents to healthcare centres for the elderly be subjected to special conditions, where they are compelled to visit the parents either face-to-face or via Skype,” I explained.

“You didn’t have to give me a scare. Ayoh, just ask for my opinion-lah!” said Mum, as she tapped her forehead in a total Indian “ayoh, kadavule” style.

I laughed.

“Okay, so what’s your opinion about her recommendations?” I asked.

“As much as I love my children, I wouldn’t want any of you visiting me if you were forced to do so.”

I have to agree with Mum. I too would not want my kids visiting me in my old age if they weren’t doing so of their own free will.

“The parent-child relationship is a sacred one. If children are nurtured and raised with love, care and good morals, they will never have to be compelled to care for their own ageing parents.

“But at the same time, if a child decides to abandon his or her parent at a nursing home despite being brought up well, I don’t think any parent would want to be visited by such a pretentious child.

“I do not think it is anybody’s business to force anyone into visiting their parents - be it at healthcare centres, homes for the elderly or even in their parents’ own homes - especially the government!” said Mum.

Improving homes for the elderly

I asked Mum what she meant by “especially the government”.

“A person at a nursing home has many problems. To only talk about children who do not visit them, making it sound as if their stay at those special homes would be perfect if only the children visited, is quite ridiculous.”

I could almost smell a story coming.

“My uncle used to stay in a nursing home. Every weekend, his children would come to visit him. And every festive season, they would take him home. He had many friends at the home and enjoyed the company he had.

“However, he was constantly unhappy because the nursing home was dirty and smelly. He wasn’t comfortable living in such surroundings.

“If the government really cared about the old folks at nursing homes, instead of giving children a set of rules and regulations to follow before sending their folks to the homes, why doesn’t the government introduce a set of operating procedures as regulations for the homes?” Mum asked.

Mum’s suggestion made lots of sense. While children have responsibilities towards their parents, the government has responsibilities towards its people too.

“Besides cleanliness and upgrading the facilities, there are many other things to be done. For instance, instead of forcing children to visit their parents, why doesn’t the government offer in-house counselling at these nursing homes? I am sure the residents of these homes, as well as their children, would appreciate good counselling sessions.

“There are so many nursing homes in our country running on public donations. If the ministers really cared about the welfare of the old folks, why not take responsibility of all the homes within their constituency?”

I had a big smile on my face.

“Ma, if you run for election, I will surely vote for you,” I said.

Mum smiled as she began stir-frying her onions.

 

FA ABDUL is a passionate storyteller, a growing media trainer, an aspiring playwright, a regular director, a struggling producer, a self-acclaimed photographer, an expert Facebooker, a lazy blogger, a part-time queen and a full-time vainpot.

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