Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons is entirely coincidental.

SATIRE | “Yahoo! All will be OK thanks to the great Covid National Recovery Plan!” declared Datuk Semua Settle at a media conference.

“Whose idea is this?” asked a reporter.

“All credit goes to our Dear Leader, the glorious Moodin. Oh wait, he just changed his name, actually, now we must call him Mydin,” said SS.

“Like the hypermarket?” quipped someone.

“Yeah la, can buy everything there. MP also got. ‘Metal Plate’ la, you thinking what?”

Another journalist asked, “But shops can only open in October. No extra economic aid given. Won’t many of our small business koyak by then?”

“So what? Then the big business can take over all these small business la. We must always think big, because it’s the big boys that donate to our Yayasan Golf charity fund,” smiled SS.

A journalist from China Press put up her hand and asked, “Some people say Malaysia needs a scientific data-driven approach to fight Covid. We must do more testing, contact tracing and targeted MCOs like Korea, not just one blanket lockdown. Any comment?”

“Eh, you from where? K-Pop ah? China ah? No wonder you ask that kind of question. Eh, jangan probok-probok sini (don’t provoke here),” snarled SS, while pointing his hand, which had three gold rings with huge gemstones, at the reporter.

“No, no, we are Malaysian newspaper. Our office in Bangsar, KL, next to Honesty News,” replied the visibly shaken lady.

“OK la, give chance answer you...