Like reader Crispina Chong (' Smart passports? What a drag '), I'm a Seremban-ite residing in Melbourne, once again voted the number one 'Most Liveable City in the World'.

I haven't had the need to deal with Malaysians for the past two odd years and now that I have to deal with them, I am reminded by their sheer incompetence and ridiculous layers of protocol.

Let me be quick to point out that not all Malaysians are like that, just a certain pocket of individuals who see fit to make life miserable for the rest of us who left fair Malaysia for greener pastures, and with good cause too.

I already have one of these so-called smart chip passports and merely wanted to renew my passport. When the person who answered my call told me it would take five months, I nearly fell off my chair with shock. Here's a short transcript of what transpired:

Me: Hi, how are you?

Her: Silence.

Me: I'd like to renew my passport.

Her: Send me a written request and a self addressed stamped envelope.

Me: It's not free?

Her: Send me a written request and a self addressed stamped envelope.

(Takes about a week before the forms reach me and tells me five months is required to renew the passport, so I call in to verify this.)

Me: I'd like to talk to someone in passport renewal.

Him: Hello?

Me: I'd like to renew my passport and your letter says it takes five months. How is that?

Him: Yes sir, it takes 5 months.

Me: 5 months?!? You're kidding right?

Him: No sir. First you have to send your passport to me. Then we send your passport back to Malaysia. Then they will (take their own sweet time to) process it and issue you with a new passport. Then they will send it back to Canberra. And then we will send it back to you.

Me: That doesn't make any sense. Why can't you renew it like before in Canberra?

Him: Because it's a smart system.

Me: But why five months? Surely it doesn't take that long to go back and forth to process.

Him That's the Malaysian way.

Me: Oh yeah. Now I'm reminded why I left the country in the first place.

Him: Nervous laughter.

Me: Right, thanks for your help. What?

If I wasn't required to go back in May for my best friend's wedding, I would not even bother. Ever. Well, we'll see what happens.