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I am neither Malay nor Muslim.

I am Malaysian. About 10 million Malaysians like me are characterised as ‘nons’, that is either as non-Malay or as non-Muslim. As Merdeka Day approaches for the 59th time, I wish to explore how this feels.

It is an everyday thing.

You don’t even think about it.

Unconsciously you put on the appellation ‘non’, or have it placed politely on you, just like you put on your clothes.

Which foot do I first push into my trousers?

Left or right? The choice is unconscious.

But it is a choice. And having two legs is a biological fact - being a ‘non’ is definitely an invented categorisation. And one has no choice about being identified as one.

What does ‘non’ connote? Merriam-Webster defines it in several ways. But these explanations are not reassuring.

‘Non’ means ‘no’ or ‘not’, they say. It is used to give a negative or privative force especially to nouns, adverbs and adjectives. Examples are:

a. not

b. the opposite of: eg nonessential

c. excluded (from a specific category): nonvoter, nonfiction

d. refusal or failure: noncooperation

So, being a ‘non’, means I am the opposite of something, or I am excluded from something. There is a suggestion, just a hint, that I represent ‘refusal’ or ‘failure’ because these are also contexts in which the word ‘non’ is frequently used.

It is depressing being classified as a negative or, even a teeny weeny bit as a failure.

It is invisible, yes.

It does not resemble the yellow Star of David, a cloth badge that Jews were required by law to wear in the 1930s as anti-Semitism was deliberately fostered by the state. Yet, it is a mark of identification that surely carries psychological weight. You are seized by the thought: if that Star of David led to the concentration camps and the Holocaust, to which destination does the innocuous ‘non’ lead? Is it an intermediate step to something infinitely worse?

That label ‘non’ silently asserts: “You are the Others; remember that and always gratefully remember your lesser position in society; we kindly allow you to live in our midst. Your position is not the same as ours. And never will be.”

I hate being classified as a ‘non’.

Even though it is usually an invisible thing, it is there. It is always there , lurking in the background. Maybe the young ‘nons’ milling about in malls, cineplexes and trendy coffee shops, are unconscious of it. The insidious, divisive aura drifts gently about the country, penetrating every nook and cranny, becoming thicker in schools, official places and decision centres.

Just like when we fog the lallang and drains, to get rid of mosquitoes. Except this evil miasma tries to perpetuate long-held and carefully nurtured divisions among us.

As I drive around or enter shops or government offices, I am conscious (if I think about it) that I am ‘the opposite of’ or, am ‘excluded from’ something. When I watch the TV programmes to view the big marchpast at Dataran Merdeka (or wherever it is held) on our Merdeka Day, it is always as a ‘non’, as the citizen who is excluded from, who is the opposite of... something. Something big and important.

And not only am I personally excluded from or constantly reminded that I am the opposite of this big important something. But my children are, too. And their children, too.

Apparently for ever and ever.

Parody of a nation

In this parody of a nation, we can never get away from it.

Maintaining this artificial dichotomy among the ‘nons’ and those who belong, is the raison d'etre of a large group of people. These clever people have to keep it going. They must be getting something valuable out of doing so, for so many years.

The lucky people who belong to, and are included in that big, important something, will look askance at me and ask: “Hey, what are you going on about, non?”

“What’s the big fuss you are making? Hey, you can set up your business freely. You can send your kids to private schools if you like. You can enjoy peace and quiet here - just look at Somalia. Or Ghana. You can do almost anything you want. Look at all those nons driving fancy cars, living in big homes, going for exotic holidays. What are you griping about, eh?”

The clever people who belong will say: “You can migrate somewhere else, if you don’t like it here.”

I was born here, just like them. I pay taxes, like them. If I get conscripted into the military, then I will serve and suffer the risk of death or injury, just like them. Why then must I carry the appellation ‘non’ for the last 47 years, since 1969? That word never appears anywhere in the constitution.

Why does the security and progress of our nation hinge on this ‘non’ thing?

The exact moment that someone invented that big, important something, the ‘nons’ also sprung into being. Immediately. You cannot invent a new category of citizen without at once creating its antithesis. Like matter and anti-matter. But why, today, in the Third Millennium, do we still need to maintain this artificial division of our citizens?

It is so 20th Century, so backward and outdated. It shows the clever people are actually pretty foolish and are thinking like shallow, superficial nincompoops.

Do the lucky people breathe a more exalted air or drink more blessed water than me? Do the laws of nature work differently for them, ie every piece of work is more difficult for them than for me, thus the state simply must step in and help them? Does the force of gravity somehow make things heavier for them than it is for me?

The answer is clearly no. Negative.

But I and millions of ‘nons’ like me are the only walking, talking negatives around.

This is the way the clever people like it. They have had their way for so long.

Until they are finally undone and their house of cards suddenly comes tumbling down.

That is my ardent wish this Merdeka.

Selamat Hari Merdeka!

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