We will be celebrating our day of Independence but somehow or other, that sense of joy or pride is totally absent in me, and I guess with many others too. As usual, government leaders will be coaxing the public to be patriotic by flying our flag and yet, until today, I don't see many doing it unlike past years.

In any case, I am writing this letter with a sense of despondency that Merdeka Day (for several years now) has hardly raised any excitement in me anymore, and perhaps I know the reason why.

When I was in my school scout troop in the 60s, every Merdeka Day brought an air of excitement as our troop would be picked to perform in the march at the Merdeka Stadium. Before we left for the stadium that early morning, we would have a meeting the day before in which we would recite the scout promise:

'On my honour, I promise that I will do my best - to do my duty to God, the Sultan, the King and the country; to help other people at all times and to obey the Scout Law.'

A month before this, we would be drilled in marching by an officer from the army at the Stadium Negara car park and although it was tedious, we went through the drill just so that we could be part of the celebration comes Aug 31.

On the day itself, while gathering at the exit tunnel of the stadium waiting for our turn to be called to march out into the field, we would adjust each other's beret and uniforms, a last-minute check. The air of excitement was undescribable.

The moment would come when we would march into the field of the great stadium and before our eyes would be Malaysians of all races. We did the march past with much gusto and when passing the dais, we would turn to our right simultaneously and salute our King.

I carried this sense of elation with me for many years and even relate it often to my children. I am now retired, managing my own business and it is understandable why we no longer feel the way we did:

As a citizen and a non-Malay, we have been branded with all sorts of names - 'pendatang', terrorists or extremists not unlike the al-Ma'unah group.

As a non-Muslim, I live in apprehension everyday because for some rhyme and reason best known to Umno, we have suddenly been declared an Islamic state even though our sacred Constitution states otherwise.

When we question the Islamic state declaration, we are told that if do not like it, we can get out. I am wondering what our East Malaysian brothers (Kadazans, Ibans, etc) have to say about this.

We have an Umno leader who has to go on a 'keris' wielding spree during the recent Umno general assembly. Would it not have been appropriate if Umno leaders - on the first day of their meeting - release white doves as a symbol of peace and wish all Malaysians well?

We are not getting any more united than 10 years ago. Today the racial divide has gone from bad to worse and if that is not all, religious divide has also encroached into our way of life.

The prime minister will deliver his speech today, on the eve of Merdeka Day. All these years, I have noticed that the speech was never directed to all Malaysians. Our prime minister would use words such as 'agama kita", 'bangsa kita'.

It is such a big let down knowing that I am not even considered a part of the Malaysian community on this auspicious day.

Abraham Lincoln once said, '... the government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from this earth.' In the Malaysian context, I can only see it this way - the government of certain people, by certain people, for certain people only.

One thing I am looking forward to this Merdeka Day is to sleep late, have a good rest and be ready to toil again after Aug 31 just so to put food on the table for my family.