Malaysiakini Letter

Why I want to be a Mat Rempit

Yusri Nuqman  |  Published:  |  Modified:

All this while, jumping out from an airplane was a thrilling adventure that remained a distant dream for ordinary folk like me. No, not because I haven't the guts to jump but it is just that I simply cannot afford to waste my hard-earned money for just a couple of minutes of thrill.

But when I heard that Putera Umno is planning such a trip to the North Pole using taxpayers' money, it got my adrenalin pumping again. To realise my dream, I will definitely fill-up the form and become a Putera Umno member and be eligible for that ringgit-burning mission. At least, I can make my race and Malaysians proud with my 'Malaysia Boleh!' act.

But before that, I need to send my 'kap-cai' motorbike for some modifications so that it can run at a breakneck 180km per hour while emitting a high-pitched whine. And I'll have to learn how to do some daredevil stunts to qualify me as a 'Mat Rempit'. Of course, I'll have to leave all my manners and 'budi bahasa' at home whenever I go out for my midnight bike racing until the wee hours of the morning.

The reason for this is simple as my hooligan peers bow to no rules or laws and we need to be 'cool' all the time. The free-sex 'bohsia' girls who hang out with us Mat Rempits will also have no respect for me, too, if I try to behave or show respect to other road users.

I know that I need to be a real Mat Rempit to qualify for North Pole trip. Hey, Putera Umno needs to select 10 Mat Rempits for the trip and I know that the competition will be really stiff because there are hundreds of thousands of Mat Rempits now.

After all, this is one of many opportunities awaiting me to have fun at Malaysian taxpayers' expense. Being a Putera Umno members and a Mat Rempit will certainly pave the way for many more privileges in my life, beginning with that thrilling jump at the North Pole.

Perhaps, I will become the first person in the world to jump to execute a daredevil stunt on a 'kap-cai' in freezing temperatures over the North Pole.

More importantly, I want to prove that foreign critiques about 'Malaysia Bodoh' are totally wrong. Wouldn't it be nice to join a bunch of hooligans and get sponsored to do a fun jump at taxpayers' expense?

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