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Congratulations to you, our prime minister, for arresting the Hindraf leaders. With one ingenious move you have solved the 50-year plight of the Indian community. I can’t go anywhere now without seeing a smiling Indian face.

Congratulations to you, our prime minister, for passing the 'Abdul Rashid' Bill with such speed. The right man for the right job, I say. Those who criticise you for being sloth-like now have to eat their words! Even though the people who voted for you in 2004 didn’t think you would do something like this, I am sure they are behind you 500 percent!

Congratulations to you, our prime minister, for promoting Zaki Azmi to the second highest judicial post. The right man for the right job, I say. It is a move that will be most welcomed by Umno. There is nothing more endearing than seeing your old friend sitting on the judge’s bench when you enter the courtroom. Even though the people who voted for you in 2004 didn’t think you would do something like this, I am sure they are behind you 500 percent!

Congratulations to you, our prime minister, for exposing the truth about the opposition. They are bodoh, goblok, monyet, terowong, bocor and wheelchair-bound.

Congratulations to you, our prime minister, for successfully assembling the most complete collection of brilliant minds in our cabinet. We are constantly in awe of the wit and wisdom of the ministers and BN parliamentarians. Their words are a guiding light in the people’s lives.

Congratulations to you, our prime minister, for winning the 2008 general elections too. Heck, even the man who leads the Election Commission said that no other regime can run this country . With the judiciary, Election Commission, police force, media and your son-above-the-law firmly behind you, you will sail beyond year 2057!

Congratulations to you, our prime minister for having such big ears. But let me dig out your ear wax, wait a minute, mmm...wow, they are gigantic! Prime Minister, can you let me work for The Star, New Straits Times, Utusan Malaysia or Berita Harian? My soul is pretty cheap.

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