KINIBIZ Tiger has been diligently studying Bloomberg US dollar-Malaysian ringgit charts for the past week, watching and waiting with some hope for signs of the weight-ridden currency’s return to normalcy. Some analysts had said last week that the ringgit would breach the 3.9 against the greenback level, others said it wouldn’t go that low.

But did, and the result is Tiger had a visit this morning from le Ringgit. Below is a transcript of the conversation:

(An ominous knock on the door at 5am.)

Tiger: Who is it?

Ringgit: (Whispers hoarsely) It’s me.

Tiger: Go away! (Pretends to snore.)

Ringgit: Let me in, or I’ll jump!

Tiger: All right, all right. (Opens the door and gasps in shock. Ringgit is standing at the doorway, so bloated he is unrecognisable.)

Ringgit: Let me in now. I cannot take it any more.

(Not wanting a mess given Tiger’s cave is on the 20th floor, she agrees to let the overweight Ringgit into her cave. Some shoving ensues and Ringgit is finally settled into Tiger’s favourite chair.)

Tiger: You’d better not break that chair, Ringgit. What on earth have you done with yourself

Ringgit: (Sobs.) It’s all your fault, you and your colleagues shamed me so I started binge eating.

Tiger: Shamed you? We only wrote the truth. You’ve been spinning out of control since you hit the 3.4 mark!

Ringgit: (Sobs even more loudly.) I can’t help it, all this stress has been weighing me down. And sugary foods are so irresistible!

Tiger: (Cringes.) What’s stressing you out now?

Ringgit: Everything, I tell you, everything. I’ve been gaining weight for months now and losing face to that pompous US Dollar, you and your Tiger friends have writing about me without asking me how I feel.

Tiger: We’re business journalists, we’re not in the habit of writing currency feelings.

Ringgit: (Glares.) It’s about time you did, everyone’s been writing horrible things about me and no one has asked how I feel about things.

Tiger: Well, tell me then. This is your opportunity. And hurry up, I have some fake kijang meat in the oven.

Ringgit: To tell you the truth, I’ve been recently cheated by a slimming centre. They promised me all sorts of things and then after taking my money, I found that I gained even more weight.

Tiger: Really? What is this slimming centre called and what kind of business did you do with them

Ringgit: (Looks shocked.) How did you know I went into business with them?

Tiger: Is this slimming centre called OneEmDeBee? Did you do your research on them before signing a contract?

Ringgit: No... but...

Tiger: But nothing. If you had asked my advice earlier, I would have told you to have nothing to do with them. They’re debt-ridden and desperate to rescue themselves. It’s your fault all the investors are running away. No one wants to invest in a loser currency.

For the full story go to KINIBIZ .

This article was written by G Sharmila.