COMMENT I have had a good share of disrespectful and insensitive students over the past two-plus years as a teacher.

Each of them taught me something new, each of them taught me how to deal with others like themselves, each of them made me a better teacher.

In my first year, I was scolding students, shouting at the top of my voice, banging tables and throwing students through windows in my mind.

By the end of my first year, I figured that it couldn't be like this.

Humans cannot possibly live like this. How were there teachers who could stay so calm and yet be so effective? How were there teachers who could turn gangsters around without raising their voices?

There must be something that they were doing differently. There must be something that they were doing right.

That’s when I started researching about best practices in teaching; about what highly effective teachers do, about what sets the best teachers apart from the rest.

Teaching is an art. It’s been around for as long as humans have lived and there are many timeless teaching techniques that have been refined throughout the centuries. I wanted to learn those techniques.

I’m in my third year of teaching now.

Yesterday, I was in an empty classroom with a student I held back during recess because he had been coming late for my class. In fact by this point it was his fourth warning. He filled up a form to acknowledge his mistake and I got him to help me to sort out some worksheets.

No scolding, no negativity; this was just the way things were if you’ve reached the fourth warning in my class. He understood and was doing the work obediently.

Funny Chinese names

As he was doing this, another student, let’s call him X, entered the classroom along with two other friends. These were students I didn't teach.

X was rather disrespectful, trying to be funny and attempted to make a teacher look silly by telling me a joke that made fun of ‘Cina‘ (Chinese) names. I told him very respectfully that I was dealing with a student now and that they should go for their recess. They left laughing.

After a while, he came back with his friends, again trying to be funny. This time, I asked what his name was. He lied at first, and then obliged because his friends said he was lying. He gave me his short name and I said.

“It is a show of respect to introduce oneself with his full name.” I smiled.

Then he responded: “Y’know with Cina teachers, I don’t bother giving my full name because they won’t get it. It’s too long and complicated.”

“Not all Chinese teachers are like that. Come on, let me try.”

He then said his full name and I repeated it. All the while, I maintained a very respectful tone with no signs of annoyance or irritation. He laughed and left with his friends.

After I sent my own student off, I called X to have a conversation individually.

“X, you know in school (and pretty much everywhere) it’s all about respecting one another. If we want others to respect us, we need to show others respect first. Now, am I treating you with respect?”

“Yes, teacher.”

“Am I talking to you respectfully?”

“Yes, teacher.”

“Are we able to respect one another?”

“Yes, teacher.”

I then went on to say: “There is one other thing.” I paused for a while. He was listening intently.

“We live in Malaysia, a country that is made up of many different cultures. When we label other people by their race and say 'Cina this' or 'India (Indian) that', people of those races may not feel comfortable and may feel offended.

"Perhaps you weren’t aware of it, so I am telling you as a teacher so that you now know. I am teaching in this school of students from different cultural backgrounds. Is it right for me to treat you differently according to your race?”

“No, teacher.”

“So, we need to learn to respect one another.”

I then extended my hand to give him a handshake. He held my hand and did a half bow. At this point, he had a very serious expression and apologised.

“I’m sorry teacher.”

“It’s alright. Now, off you go, classes are starting soon.”

Infidels and lesser people

One of the main reasons I didn’t get angry was because I knew from the tone of his speech that he really wasn’t aware that he was being inappropriate and insensitive.

No one had ever told him that it wasn’t okay to say things like that. I didn’t blame him because I’ve even seen teachers who were themselves as insensitive or worse. It would not be surprising if his parents and other family members were like that, too.

From the way he talked, it was very likely he did not have a single friend outside of his culture and community, and was constantly in an environment where his kind were the majority.

It didn't help that certain religious leaders of certain religions really drill in the belief that people of other faiths were immoral imbeciles who totally deserved to burn in hell.

There is even a special name for non-believers in certain religions, a label that does wonders for the unity among the country’s citizens.

Under such circumstances, it was not surprising that they did not feel any need to be respectful to others, especially those from ‘lesser’ religions (all infidels are going to be dumped in hell anyway, right?), or considerations to be sensitive towards people of other cultures simply did not cross their minds.

That is why we need to educate them patiently. If this had happened in my first year though, I might have lost my temper and made things worse. But scolding them would not give any lasting impact. We need to model what we want to see in them.

One of the key techniques that I picked up from my study of best teaching practices, was to be always calm and emotionless, even in the face of insane disrespect.

Show that you are still and unmoving, that you are not surprised nor disgusted. Model the kind of respect you expect from the student.

I could write more about this and other best practices I’ve been adopting, but this is the gist of it.

No matter how disrespectful a student was, I find that it always helped to respond with what we want to eventually see in him - show him respect and model it ourselves first.

I find that it really helped to not show any emotion. Some students find joy in making teachers angry. Demonstrate a higher level of consciousness.

This is really hard, and I am always reminding myself to remain calm when faced with students who were there to really push my limits.

In the very words of a great teacher I really respect: "Everything is a test to see what you will do."

The harder the test, the better the opportunity to develop oneself as a person, or in this case, as a teacher.

Respect him first although he is being disrespectful. People naturally follow what they see.

Perhaps he had not experienced it before, perhaps he does not know how it looks like, perhaps scolding and talking down to others is all he knows about respect.

Just as parents do not get angry when their baby wets the bed, teachers do not get angry when their student makes a mistake out of ignorance.

CHOW GEH TSUNG is a Teach For Malaysia alumnus who is in his third year of teaching. He teaches Science and English at the secondary level. He blogs here.