YOURSAY | ‘These apes' skill to blend in is amazing, those from the Lake Gardens area even look like lawmakers.’
Monkeys attack postman at army camp, grab off secret documents
Vijay47: This news item on the antics of monkeys in Malacca may have its moments of humour, but any primatologist will tell you that it is a wake-up call to be vigilant.
The Malacca macaques swing at the bottom end of the greater group called primate ‘umnodae’ and are variously referred to as foot-soldiers, yakuza, or as recently discovered by a certain Prof Khairy, ‘macai’.
Slightly higher in the monkey family tree are the bunkus beludis and the sallehcakap bisingitu, a sub-species within the orang utan usually found in Malaysia's Sabah. Some of these have evolved so much they actually look human, at least until they ‘speak’.
It may seem that what was stolen were mere documents but it is not widely known that these papers were allegedly bank transfer receipts pertaining to amounts way beyond peanuts.
The ATM cards and scuba gear taken is not an innocuous lark, they are to finance the Islamic State and Filipino pirates.
These apes' skill to blend in is amazing, those from the Lake Gardens area even look like lawmakers.
Anonymous 759201436321741: @Vijay47, wow and a really good piece of writing in the lighter vein. But I doubt they have the intelligence to comprehend what you had written.
It really tickled me.
Headhunter: This proves that you can spend billions on the most sophisticated modern warfare equipment in the world to defend the country and at the end of the day, all it takes is for a few monkeys to cause havoc.
Now the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC), Bank Negara and the attorney-general (AG) can all blame the disclosures on 1MDB on some monkeys.
I predict that our immediate neighbours are going to recruit monkeys to serve in their armed forces soon. Or could it be that they had already done it and this incident is a result of it?
Or maybe, just maybe, this pack of monkeys was headed by one primate called MO1?
(Disclaimer: this is a satirical piece and any resemblance to a person dead or alive is purely incidental.)
Wira: Yes, if you can sell the ‘donation’ story to Malaysians and have them believing it, why not now blame the monkeys, too? Next maybe we can attribute all problems involving 1MDB to sinister simians.
Commentable: As the saying goes, monkey see, monkey do. It surprises no one that these monkeys waylaid the postman and taken off with the ‘loot’ he was carrying.
Probably this was only a trial run for this band of monkeys with bigger plans in store.
After all, this is nothing compared to the heist of the century where Monkey Official 1 (MO1) made off with ‘681 American pies’ and more.
Even that too, the police and all other authorities have a tough time tracking those monkeys down.
Anonymous 2362021442199789: Make an example of the thieving monkeys, catch and charge them under the Official Secrets Act (OSA) as these could be classified secret army documents.
Hold a kangaroo court and it will be like a scene from George Orwell's ‘Animal Farm’.
Fairplayer: Too many monkeys in high places doing all the stealing? Signs of the times in Malaysia?
Existential Turd: The Malaysian army literally could not defend the nation against a band of monkeys. What good are all the anti-terrorist acts?
Perhaps we should employ the monkeys to steal the auditor-general's report on 1MDB.
Hang Babeuf: Declare emergency zone. Arrest monkeys - those monkeys, all monkeys - under National Security Code laws.
Thana55: Indeed, the Prevention of Terrorism (Pota) Act will first be used on the monkeys of Malacca.
Speak for All: Now even monkeys in Malaysia have learnt how to steal and get away scot-free, just like the MO1.
Anonymous 2401191456463140: Arrest all monkeys and their looks-alike. The authorities should not leave any bananas unturned. Never mind the stones.
Dizzer: Why was there no SATIRE warning in this Malaysiakini report?
Army: Monkeys stole regular mail, not military secrets
Ramesh Rajaratnam: When I read the headline, I was stunned. Why would the monkeys attack a postman and run off with classified documents?
With the state of intrigue in the country, all sorts of conspiracy scenarios abound. In my mind, were these documents evidence of:
1) Who actually stole the C4 from the army store and blew up the Mongolian woman for no apparent motive?
2) Who benefitted from the ‘middle man’ RM2 company in Hong Kong who brokered the Scorpene deal and pocketed some RM400 million?
3) The identity of Malaysian Official No 1?
What a relief when the army spokesman said it was just "regular" mail (you know, perhaps the ones that instruct the soldiers how to vote, etc) mail.
And yes, a police report was made - tell me, how did the postman identify the monkeys? And how will the cops catch the criminals? May we need more C4s to blow them off?
It's very clear that there's too much monkey business in Malaysia.
Headhunter: Yes, we know there's a lot of monkey business going on in the country but this is ridiculous.
GE14Now!: Well, so what if you have monkeys stealing your mail. We have the same - only it’s the country's money that is being stolen.
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