Plot: there is 'credible information' that 'prime suspect' Osama bin Laden has slipped out from Afghanistan and his satellite phone has been traced to Malaysia. Where in Malaysia?

"We can't make an exact determination as yet," says the superpower prosecutor cum judge cum jury cum executioner. "But our prime belief is Kota Bharu, Kelantan."

Demands are made on Malaysia to 'hand over' Osama but we reply that he probably died after eating budu , that super-smelly Kelantanese fish sauce.

Of course, since we are a bad Third World country anyway, the Cobbled News Network does not think that we are a 'credible' source of information.

"Make no mistake. This superpower is peaceful, but fierce when stirred to anger," declares its president after prayers at church. He then puts on his cowboy hat and nails a poster of Osama onto the pulpit: Wanted - dead or alive.

"Gee whizz ... sir?" we ask timidly. "But it sure looks like you're rustling up a pretty mean lynch mob? I mean, will there really be justice?"

"You betcha boy," says the cowboy folksily. "We like to have law 'n order Wild West style 'round these here parts."

"Wild West? You mean like in cowboys and savage Red Indians?"

"Yessiree, every place that ain't part of the White West is the Wild West, if you catch mah drift..."

As the factory owners who make missiles promise to donate another million dollars for his 'political action committee' re-election campaign, the cowboy stares blankly into the teleprompter and drones, "We love peace. But this is a righteous battle."

Seconds later, a dozen cruise missiles crash into Kota Bharu and hundreds of civilians are killed. But of course we are told that 'this is war' and that we must 'accept' some 'collateral damage'.

Anyway, the victims were mostly Muslims with fanatical fundamentalist tendencies anyway. They probably deserved it.

Meanwhile, every pickup-truck-driving gun-toting redneck in bars throughout the superpower down a few beers and cheer "Way to go man!" before awarding the cowboy more and more 'approval ratings' brownie points.

And what about Osama?

"Whooops! Whad'dya know folks? Dangnabbit, looks like we missed,'' mumbles the superpower president in a Texas accent.

. "Oh well, let's giddyup on to the next target," he says, riding off into the sunset. But wait, the movie isn't over yet.

In the last scene at Kota Baru, a boy is grieving over his killed family. He looks up at the sky and vows that one day he will become a suicide bomber - in God's name.

Movie synopsis

Forgive the black humour in the fictional movie synopsis above - it is the only thing that can be as funny as hypocrisy.

Meanwhile, we must say 'congratulations!' to Osama bin Laden for he has succeeded in spreading his gospel of hatred to Malaysia.

No, I am not talking about his supposed 'associates' who were videotaped here by American surveillance cameras (so, the US openly admits to spying here?) nor am I referring to the alleged 'harbouring' of terrorist money in our banks.

The real tragedy is that he, the American media hype demonising him and our racial mindsets, have succeeded in creating a clear division between Muslims and non-Muslim Malaysians on this issue.