Readers respond to Confessions of the other woman

EVERY now and then, some truly 'bright' women will write in to tell the world that they are very happy being 'the other woman' with plenty of love, sex and yet no commitment whatsoever.

The latest is Ms Hermosa in Rentakini , a Muslim woman who is telling us she is happy and contented as a mistress to a Buddhist man who is already married with children.

As a Muslim I am certainly pissed off with her murtad (apostate) lifestyle and I think all married women, Muslims or non-Muslims (even spinsters who believe in morality), should be equally outraged with this selfish behaviour.

This woman thinks she is doing the right thing, but little does she realise that she is nothing but a home-wrecker and worst of all, a disgrace to Islam.

Even a Buddhist woman or a Hindu woman could not indulge in this dangerous behaviour. In fact, all religions do not condone such a thing.

She says she is totally pissed off listening to all woes of her married friends. How can she be so nave. Even running a burger stall is not easy.

A woman should never feel proud of herself unless she succeeds as a wife and a mother, just like a man as a husband and a father because this is the biggest challenge that Allah is throwing at us.

As a wife or husband, one has to be a good diplomat, counselor, conciliator, money manager, child psychologist, social scientist, etc. Other life challenges are quite trivial really.

Hermosa says she is happy because she is an added bonus to the man's family life. Well, let us ask her what will happen when the wife and his children find out. How would the children face their friends in school?

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Let us hope that the wife will not take action against her or her dashing beau will just ignore her in the street if she bumps into him taking his family out.

This man is nothing but a rat who derives great satisfaction in his conquest of another woman and he is a disgrace to his religion.

Healthwise, this woman is also subjecting herself to all kinds of STD and science has proven that uncircumcised man is more prone to infection than circumcised ones (like the Jews and Muslims and non-Muslim men who know the goodness of circumcision).

Surely this 'bright' woman knows about 'The wrath of a woman scorned'. She only proves one thing right i.e. a woman's worst enemy is her own kind.

As a Muslim I would like to ask this woman to try to do a few Istikharah (seeking divine guidance) prayers and ask Allah whether she is doing the right thing because with this lifestyle every Ustaz will tell her that she is already an apostate.

I wonder what Sisters in Islam have to say about this. - Saad Hashim

Go and find a decent single man

IT is a very sad case as this seems to be the new Asian women - those who can take people's husbands as lovers and have no remorse about it.

She went out with a Datuk before and claim she didn't know he was married. Please lah, how many divorced Datuks are there around? Even Datuk K had to divorce before marrying Siti.

Of course Hermosa took the VW beetle gift for a while, until she fell out with the Datuk. Then she will come out and tell people that she left him because he had been lying. Or was she lying to herself that he was single all the while. We can assume that the Datuk wanted a mistress-type, and she fits in.

My advice to her is to go and find a decent single man, (without the material trappings). Stick with him and grow together both spiritually and materially. Then you are really in love and would understand love is not about liking and adoring a person, but about trust and going through life together through thick and thin.

It is obvious that the woman wants love for herself not for others. The victim here is the poor family of the married man. She will have to mend her ways and seek salvation.

On her statement that "every time I meet my married girlfriends, all I listen are complaints about their husband, their dull and boring married life, their in-laws, the kids and the financial problems. It's scary," I have this to say.

This is indeed a scary statement because it is about life, not love. The statement is a reflection of her fears in marriage and real-life commitments. She's only into love games, dating forever, not the real marriage thing.

The sad thing is that women don't fall in love, they walk into love (and pretend that they didn't want it) and once they are in love, even if it is immoral and forbidden love, they'll justify it. I conclude that her letter is written to deflect guilt. Men have their sins, and women have theirs. Sigh. - Fahmy The Moo

Confessions of the other woman Part II

I APPLAUD Hermosa for having the courage to come out and speak about what she feels as 'the other woman'. And it is truly sad that there are ladies like Aleesha who can do nothing better than condemn. We chose the lives we lead, whether it is good or otherwise in the eyes of others. For Aleesha to say that no one really sympathises when 'the other woman' is assaulted or murdered, unfortunately exposes her and other like her as judgmental, sad, bitter people.

We are all responsible for our own happiness. Hence, to take Aleesha's stand a bit further; a family is responsible for their own happiness. How can an outside person, for the mere fact of being in a member of the family's life, wrecked the happiness of that family? Happiness comes from within, not without. No one is responsible for their happiness as a family unit but themselves; let's not kid ourselves and conveniently point fingers at others when we ourselves fail.

Aleesha choses to stay single rather than 'wasting her time' with men. That is her choice and the life she chooses. Hermosa chose hers. Who is to say who is better and right?

Like Hermosa, I too am a well-educated, cultured, attractive single mother in her early 40's; working a high-flying job and never in short supply of admirers. And I have been with my married Mat Salleh lover for the past five years. I have my life and I live it the way I chose.

And you know what? I am happy. And so is he and his family; because he neither neglects nor forgets any part of his life. I have a man who loves me and takes good care of me and my family; and his wife and family accepts me as 'the other woman' because in no way does he neglect them.

I am realistic enough to know that someday this may end; he is in his 50's already; he may die and I will be left with only memories. Or we may decide to call it quits in the near future and I will be left with only memories. But they will be good memories, and one I would never exchange for all the jewels in the world.

Hermosa has the courage to lead her life as she chooses, without having to worry about the superficial, judgmental views of others; who matter not in her life anyway. I say to her, you go girl! And for those who disagree, well who are you to judge, anyway? - Also The Other Woman