ADVOCACY for abstinence from premarital sex often inevitably runs along the line of preventing unwanted pregnancies and STDs. Somehow there has to be some scientific justification in order to convince sceptics who feel that such a lifestyle is too rigid and only meant for religious people. But this may cause many to miss out on the real motivation to practise abstinence from premarital sex.

To Focus On The Family (FOTF), the prevention of unwanted pregnancies and STDs are just as important but insufficient. FOTF emphasises a holistic education of character-based abstinence to help youths understand life, love and sex - to lead them to the commitment to abstain from premarital sex.

Through a unique approach of promoting abstinence from various perspectives such as preserving healthy relationships and being discerning towards peer and media influences, FOTF seeks to encourage youths to take a stand for abstinence from premarital sex.

FOTF developed the curriculum 'No Apologies - the truth about life, love and sex' to spread the message of abstinence from premarital sex around the world, in line with its vision to strengthen families towards better societies.

Thankful Malaysians

Since the first inception of 'No Apologies' in Malaysia in January 2003, the curriculum has been contextualised for local participants in English, Malay and Chinese. To date, almost 20,000 Malaysian youths have heard the message and are thankful for it.

The purpose of the curriculum is not to alarm youths about the horrifying consequences of premarital sex, as FOTF does not believe in the effectiveness of the fear tactic. Instead, through a comprehensive lesson on abstinence from premarital sex, FOTF hopes to enlighten participants about the importance of abstinence, what it takes to abstain and how it can lead to a more fulfilling life.

Participants are taught to respect themselves and their future life partners by saving themselves for marriage. Besides that, they also learn to establish healthy relationships and accountability with not only their boyfriends or girlfriends, but also with parents, relatives, teachers and other adults who can guide them in their commitment to abstain from premarital sex.

At workshops, facilitators walk participants, who are mainly secondary school students, through seven interdependent units to allow them to make informed decisions about premarital sex. First, a video featuring candid comments by youths about their take on life, love and sex, is shown. Facilitators then explain to the participants the components of a healthy relationship to eradicate the misconception that a healthy relationship must comprise sexual intercourse.

After that, participants are educated about the role of the media to help them become a more responsible and discerning audience. The next two units focus on the consequences of premarital sex - both physical and emotional- and an in-depth introduction of HIV/Aids. The following unit defines abstinence, which is really to abstain from all forms of sexual activities. Lastly, participants learn about marriage to help them see marriage as an important component of a long-term relationship.

Non-judgmental

At the end of the workshop, students are challenged to put their commitment into tangible actions by filling out pledge cards with which they co-sign with their witnesses.

Out of all the young people in the country who had heard the message, about 93% eventually signed up. In order to ensure that these commitments are genuine, the organisers make it a point to advise students to sign the pledge cards out of their personal conviction and not to succumb to peer pressure.

Currently, FOTF have about 700 trained facilitators who have volunteered to undergo training programmes. Besides being trained about the contents and technicalities of the workshop, facilitators are also trained to be sensitive and non-judgmental towards participants. Hence facilitators are able to create a conducive environment to foster interactive and constructive discussions for the curriculum to achieve its goals.

In our society where media influences depicting promiscuity and other risk behaviours are pervasive, it is important that youths are reminded to preserve the beauty of sex through saving the best for marriage and in the truest sense of the name of the workshop, no apologies - to themselves and their future life partners.