From all the blogs and comments I’ve seen on the subject, Najib Razak’s call for suggestions for the name of the kitten he picked up at the launch of the “Buy Malaysia” campaign last week has proven a bit of a flop.

Far from evoking warm and fuzzy feelings, this exercise appears to have put the proverbial cat among the pigeons, provoking an outpouring of catty names recalling the entire catalogue of Najib’s (below) shames.

NONE Even putting aside proposed names involving variations on the word ‘pussy’ as too obvious for words, and also perhaps too improper to mention in a newspaper as respectable as Malaysiakini , the list of possibilities appears almost endless.

Popular suggestions range from those reminiscent of specific scandals like the notorious submarine deal and related murder, like ‘Scorpene’, ‘C4’, ‘Altan’, ‘Tuya’, ‘Shaarii’ and ‘Buu’ to more general appraisals of Najib’s character and activities like ‘Fat Cat’, amended to ‘Fatt Cat’ for the Chinese market, or ‘First Cat’ in homage to his consort, Rosmah Mansour.

One of my favourites of the suggestions I’ve seen is ‘1Kitty’, evoking as it does both Najib’s fake 1Malaysia slogan and the fact that Najib and Barisan Nasional chronically use the nation’s wealth as a bottomless financial kitty to spend on themselves and their cronies.

The ‘Apcat’ appeal

Another compelling suggestion is ‘Apcat’, in recognition of the pivotal role of Israeli-owned public relations and lobbying organization Apco Worldwide in the cat-and-mouse game that Najib and BN constantly play with the Malaysian people.

Besides the hypocrisy of hiring Apco in the first place, given that the BN government’s undying antipathy against Israel, there have been persistent and compelling allegations that ‘1Malaysia’ is a copy-cat version of an old ‘1Israel’ concept.

And so incompetently has this whole issue been handled that Apco Worldwide now finds itself in the most embarrassing predicament a public relations outfit can end-up in, as a bad-news aspect of the story it’s been hired to spin.

Public relations organisations by their very nature are supposed to be invisible – pussyfooting around behind the scenes dreaming up ways to make their clients look good, or at least less bad.

NONE But everybody knows by now that Apco is the sneaky if not sinister organisation that Najib has hired at a huge expense to sell himself as everything from the saviour of 1Malaysia to Barack Obama’s new best friend – and to market Rosmah Mansor as a humanitarian heroine who’s worthy of an International Peace and Harmony Award that nobody’s ever heard of.

So naturally everyone assumes that Apco is also behind this futile attempt to humanise Najib by having him adopt a cute little anak kuching , and thus ‘Apcat’ seems a highly appropriate name for it.

Besides the Apco connection, another argument for the name ‘Apcat’ is that it’s unisex. An important consideration in light of the fact that, while the Bernama report brought us the heartwarming story that identified Najib’s cat as Persian – and thus politically-acceptably Iranian –  it failed to specify the chosen moggie’s sex.

Which is a pity from the creative nomenclature point of view, as if it was a boy it would be tempting to suggest any of an almost endless list of names of Najib’s political pets like ‘Baginda’, ‘Hisham’, ‘Nazri’, ‘Toyo’, ‘Musa’, ‘Saiful’ or ‘Samy’, or even, in honour of the founder and leader of Perkasa (Purrkasa?), ‘Ali Cat’.

And if it happened to be a girl, we could suggest any of the countless variations of ‘Pussy’ that I promised earlier I would avoid pursuing, plus the names of other female colleagues from Najib’s murky past, like that of former Minister for Trade and APs, Rafidah.

Feline stunt falls flat

But in the absence of any further information, we should stick to gender-neutral suggestions, perhaps based on famous scandals overseen by BN and its cronies, like ‘Maikat’ after Maika Holdings or ‘Feldcat’ after the recently revealed looting of billions of ringgit of Felda funds.

All things considered, however, it seems to me that this entire feline strategy comes across as too feminine to fit the strong, resolute and reformist image that Najib so desperately needs to invent for himself.

Of course it’s true, as many others have pointed out, that the dog customarily used by heads of state to show they have warm and friendly sides to their natures is denied Najib on the grounds that man’s best friend happens to be haram .

But in any case he already has all the running dogs, guard dogs, lapdogs and other species of human canine that he needs in government, judiciary, police force, anti-corruption commission, electoral commission, civil services, media and business, without too many apparent qualms about whether their activities are permitted or approved by Islam.

And as long as the alternative media keep letting the cat out of the bag about BN corruption, repression and crimes against the human and constitutional rights of the people of Malaysia, Najib has to resort to whatever it takes to give the impression that his heart is in the right place.

NONE But for me, I’m afraid, and apparently for a great many Malaysians, his cuddling of a kitten, far from making him appear soft, caring and considerate, only serves to highlight his callous and cold-blooded disregard for the safety and well-being of the rakyat .

His complete failure, indeed refusal, to ensure the investigation and prosecution of massive corruption as in the PKFZ, Maika Holdings, Matrade, Bakun Dam, Felda and other scandals – and countless cases of homicide and other atrocities against police and MACC suspects and helpless refugees – is testament to his total lack of human sympathy.

However many kittens he adopts, and whatever he names them, and however much he hopes such gestures will give him nine more lives in office, Najib is clearly one leopard who will never change his spots.

And as long as he gets away with not changing, and keeps his claws on power, the longer he’ll preside over business as usual, all the while lying through his teeth and looking like the cat that ate the canary.

DEAN JOHNS, after many years in Asia, currently lives with his Malaysian-born wife and daughter in Sydney, where he mentors creative writing groups. Already published in Kuala Lumpur is a third book of his columns for Malaysiakini , following earlier collections ‘Mad about Malaysia’ and ‘Even Madder about Malaysia’.