COMMENT | The steamy, spicy 'pau' served at Umno’s PAU
COMMENT | All kinds of political pau were served at PAU, the acronym for “Perhimpunan Agung Umno” or the Umno AGM.
Pau are famous as Chinese steamed buns or dumplings, stuffed with kaya (coconut jam), peanuts or char siew (roast pork). The Malays have added innovative fillings such as spicy sardines, beef curry and sweet coconut cream.
What about Umno’s PAU? It’s an open secret that it’s carefully stage-managed by top leaders, rather than being genuine reflections of grassroots sentiments. For example, back in 2015, then Umno president Najib Abdul Razak had clamped down on talk of the 1MDB scandal at the AGM, claimed MP Mahfuz Omar (ex-PAS, now Amanah).
This was done by blocking Najib’s critics - Muhyiddin Yassin (then deputy president) and Shafie Apdal (then vice-president) - from giving their traditional winding-up speeches, thus cheapening the annual jamboree into, what Mahfuz called, “just a place to steam pau.”
This year’s Umno AGM added even more twists to these buns in a full-blown drama, while the rest of us sat back and watched the show, popcorn (and pau) in hand. Like a flaming arrow shot across a battlefield, Umno deputy president Mohamad Hasan set the tone, not with anything sweet or savoury, but with a political pau filled with something sour.
He castigated Bersatu as a “raw and inexperienced”, “splinter party” and told them off, “Don't talk about the unity of the ummah (Muslims) with us (Umno) when you don't have any track record in uniting Malays.”
Then Umno Youth chief Asyraf Wajdi Dusuki served up more vinegar against those who were willing to “pawn” their loyalty. They were “drunk with power and positions” and had become “the hidden enemy in the fold,” he lambasted.
Bitter pau
Asyraf’s poetic pummeling reflects the rift in Umno between ...
COMMENT | All kinds of political pau were served at PAU, the acronym for “Perhimpunan Agung Umno” or the Umno AGM.
Pau are famous as Chinese steamed buns or dumplings, stuffed with kaya (coconut jam), peanuts or char siew (roast pork). The Malays have added innovative fillings such as spicy sardines, beef curry and sweet coconut cream.
What about Umno’s PAU? It’s an open secret that it’s carefully stage-managed by top leaders, rather than being genuine reflections of grassroots sentiments. For example, back in 2015, then Umno president Najib Abdul Razak had clamped down on talk of the 1MDB scandal at the AGM, claimed MP Mahfuz Omar (ex-PAS, now Amanah).
This was done by blocking Najib’s critics - Muhyiddin Yassin (then deputy president) and Shafie Apdal (then vice-president) - from giving their traditional winding-up speeches, thus cheapening the annual jamboree into, what Mahfuz called, “just a place to steam pau.”
This year’s Umno AGM added even more twists to these buns in a full-blown drama, while the rest of us sat back and watched the show, popcorn (and pau) in hand. Like a flaming arrow shot across a battlefield, Umno deputy president Mohamad Hasan set the tone, not with anything sweet or savoury, but with a political pau filled with something sour.
He castigated Bersatu as a “raw and inexperienced”, “splinter party” and told them off, “Don't talk about the unity of the ummah (Muslims) with us (Umno) when you don't have any track record in uniting Malays.”
Then Umno Youth chief Asyraf Wajdi Dusuki served up more vinegar against those who were willing to “pawn” their loyalty. They were “drunk with power and positions” and had become “the hidden enemy in the fold,” he lambasted.
Bitter pau
Asyraf’s poetic pummeling reflects the rift in Umno between the so-called “cabinet cluster” and “court cluster”. Those who were ministers (allegedly eager to keep their positions) were seen to be pro-Bersatu while those with corruption cases (such as current Umno president Ahmad Zahid Hamidi and Najib) have been busy with Bersatu bashing.
"Since the cases in court did not side with the accused, it was felt the government did nothing to help," suggested Federal Territories Minister Annuar Musa, who added that some were “disappointed” they did not become ministers.
Annuar had been very vocal in his views and so he received very bitter political pau - posters were put up accusing him of bribing delegates to be the kuda (lackey) of Bersatu. Annuar claimed to be “shocked” by this but surely it’s just desserts (albeit most unsweet) for being in a party famous for its poison pen culture?
Another pro-Bersatu guy, Umno Perlis leader Shahidan Kassim, tried to argue for dai pau or the “big pau”, asserting that Umno had more ministers than any other party. However, Umno only has nine ministers, compared to Bersatu's 11.
Was his inability to do simple maths due to his "excitement" over being very recently (on March 9) appointed chairperson of the PR1MA housing body by government minister Zuraida Kamaruddin?
If anybody doubted that PAU was a carefully choreographed show, Annuar avowed that only those approved by Zahid were allowed to speak while those on his side were barred. He moaned that his group was a victim of the “politics of hatred” which had become a “party trademark”. This, he said, would lead to Umno’s downfall.
Ah, sweet karma. After all the censorship and hurtful racial politics his party had dished out to others for decades, he and his “cluster” get a taste of their own medicine. As for “downfall”, well, when dissent is suppressed, isn’t that like forcing down the lid over a giant wok while pau is being steamed inside? How long before the pressure builds up and explodes?
Love triangle
The soap opera at PAU could not be complete without a love triangle. Umno and Bersatu at loggerheads, both tussling for the holy affections of PAS. Meanwhile, the “Islamic” party is doing a delicate dance between the suitors, leading to accusations that it’s playing both sides.
The picturesque Malay term for PAS behaviour is main dua kolam (playing in two pools), an adulterous act which it justifies with a “halal logo”, joked Umno leader Puad Zarkashi.
Umno veteran Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah was more scathing, branding PAS a “political prostitute”, hinting at something very haram akin to eating porky char siew pau.
During the PAU pesta, Zahid told PAS that they should honour their Muafakat Nasional political marriage and that “both feet must be on the same ground”. To adopt a similar Chinese metaphor, the advice could be that “two feet must be on one boat” rather than on two, presumably to avoid any unladylike spreading of legs.
Asyraf admitted that Umno was hurt when its partner PAS wanted to keep flirting with Bersatu, equating this to polygamy. In dialogue worthy of a Bollywood tearjerker, the poetic politician said, “Who would have thought, tears have not yet dried, the laughter hasn't faded, but a blossoming relationship has to be shared with another.”
PAS secretary-general Takiyuddin Hassan replied that Bersatu was not a lover but just “a friend” and lamented that Umno’s jealousy may cause it to lose PAS, “someone who truly loved you.” Ah, even sweet coconut pau cannot come close to such syrupy sentiments.
Surely, such melodrama is like an epic dessert, the political equivalent of a caramel custard pau, glazed with honey and heaped with ice cream? Don’t forget to sprinkle some chocolate chips too.
Jantan enough to pull out?
The “jolly” PAU bash confirmed the decision to end cooperation with Bersatu, and Zahid proclaimed, "We can pull out at any time from the Perikatan Nasional government ...”. A Kelantan Youth delegate dared the Umno Ministers to be jantan or “man enough” to quit the cabinet right now.
But the fact remains that Umno, Bersatu and PAS were happy to be on the same political bed or tidur sekelambu (sleep under the same mosquito net) when they betrayed the voters’ mandate to grab power during the Sheraton Move. Is Umno now really ready to “pull out”? To do political coitus interruptus while still enjoying the pleasures of being in the government?
One minister seems reluctant, and Zahid challenged him to resign, calling him a “parasite” riding on Umno. Ah, this was akin to pau daging cili api (fiery chilly beef pau) which burns the tongue, sizzling upon contact, like holy water hitting a demon in exorcism movies.
“The culture of party-hopping has been too much. Voters and the rakyat are betrayed,” preached Zahid at the AGM. "Positions and rewards are traded for dignity. Is this the culture we want (our future generations) to inherit?"
Ah, it’s refreshing to see some leaders give sermons on political morality when their own people have hopped over to Bersatu. Yet they had no qualms with vulgar party-jumping to seize not only Putrajaya but also several state governments. Can we believe that they have really turned over a new leaf? Can we swallow the pau they are now serving?
What is clear is that the parties purportedly "defending" race and religion are now slinging mud at each other, exposing the so-called “noble struggle” for “Malay unity” as a sham.
And so the final bite at PAU reveals what’s inside the white, fluffy, self-righteous bun; and sorry, the substance at the core is not soft and sweet like kaya.
Rather, it’s like dried, tough, expired meat, more of the hard, ugly scramble for power and positions, the same old tired politics. Please don’t choke when you eat that.
ANDREW SIA is a veteran journalist who likes teh tarik khau kurang manis. You are welcome to give him ideas to brew at tehtarik@gmail.com.
The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of Malaysiakini.
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