Stone the crows and starve the lizards! Monkeys sure have been taking a pounding in Malaysia lately.

Umno Youth deputy head Khairy kicked it off by characterising bloggers as monkeys. Then Wee Meng Cheng, a Malaysian mass-communications student at Taiwan's Ming Chuan University created total uproar by monkeying-around with the national anthem in a satirical rap video he created and displayed on YouTube.

And now the natural resources and environment ministry has announced a lifting of a 23-year ban on the export of wild monkeys, a move that in itself smacks of the customary behind-the-scenes monkey business.

According to the New Straits Times , a news report in March mentioned government plans "to export the (macaque) species for the exotic food market or as pets", and ministry spokesperson Sazmi Miah said a trade quota or limit would have to be set before export licences could be issued.

Aah, yes, export licences. So long as there's money in monyet , and no mention yet of which companies or individuals have been awarded licences or how, no wonder the plot has thus far taken five months to unfold.

But the government swung much more swiftly into action in Wee's case, as it involved something even more precious than money, if possible: that last refuge of the scoundrel, patriotism.

It certainly brought out the patriotism in the government, although to varying and even surprising degrees. The usually miserably Umno-compliant MCA, while decrying Wee's creation, advocated forgiving him. And so, astonishingly, did Information Minister Zainuddin Maidin aka Zam, who as everybody knows is usually a tireless zapper of bloggers.

But following a top-level discussion of the scandal, some of his cabinet colleagues were less indulgent. Culture, Arts and Heritage Minister Dr Rais Yatim declared that "the country is governed by the rule of law and Wee has to abide by it".

The ever-redoubtable de facto law minister Mohd Nazri Abdul Aziz was also in an unforgiving mood, declaring that "To not prosecute him is not on at all because he has committed an offence against the nation and no one, not the cabinet or political parties, are in a position to forgive him."

The prime minister ( photo ) decided to go in both directions, stating that "If he wants to apologise, we can accept", then adding "But if it is an offence, how to let him go without him being punished? The law has to take its course".

Desecrating the flag

As many have since noted on the Internet and elsewhere, it's a pity that the prime minister and his cabinet colleagues aren't so resolute about the law taking its course in the countless cases of alleged monkey-business involving themselves, their families, cronies, fellow political party members and the networks of functionaries operating under their patronage and protection.

A classic and horrific example of the upshot of Malaysia's both poor and selective enforcement of laws and regulations was last week's crash of a non-roadworthy express bus - driven by someone with 13 outstanding summonses and two arrest warrants against him - in which the driver and 18 passengers were killed.

That the very people who preside over such ramshackle, hit-and-miss and outright corrupt public administration actually have the gall to appeal to the Malaysian people's patriotism is more of an affront to the national anthem, not to mention the nation itself and its image in the eyes of the world, than Wee and all his fellow monkeys of the Internet could ever contrive to be.

They're also a disgrace to the flag they're forever figuratively waving and the faith they're forever invoking in vain attempts to portray themselves as virtuous. They're so bent, and are so dedicated to bending the truth, that the crescent moon on the Jalur Gemilang might as well be a banana; and so dedicated to deeds that stink to high heaven that the 13-pointed star comes to look more and more like a durian.

And they're aided in desecrating the flag and disgracing all that it symbolises by their trained monkeys in the 'mainstream' media who, to judge by the Aug 17 edition of The Star , can't even get their stories straight.

In his 'Why not?' column on page N51, Wong Sai Wan bemoans the lack of interest in flying the flag for Merdeka Day with comments like "Take a drive around Kuala Lumpur, Petaling Jaya or even Mantin (a one-street town in Negri Sembilan) for that matter; something seems to be missing in terms of the celebrations. There seems to be a distinctive lack of flags being flown although some buildings have made a token effort to do so.

"Where are the colour (sic) lights and usual displays we see for the festivals? Perhaps it is the half-hearted effort that has created the lack of celebrative (sic) atmosphere.

"One of the problems seems to be that the authorities are a bit too hung-up (pardon the pun) about our beloved Jalur Gemilang ."

In vivid contrast to this somewhat rueful and, from what I've seen, accurate view of the flag-flying situation is a story by Esther Chandran on page M21 of the same edition. In it she enthuses: "Malaysians show their patriotism. Flags galore at schools, buildings, homes and everywhere."

Another by Charles Fernandez on page M25 proclaims "Patriotic spirit among the young. Children show their love for nation at contest."

How much longer, I wonder, will Malaysians go on buying and reading, viewing and listening to media that treat them like a bunch of ignorant, gullible monkeys?

And how much longer will they tolerate, let alone vote for, a government that seems to regard them like a bunch of macaques: bearable enough as long as they see, hear and speak no evil about Barisan Nasional and its interminable monkey-business, but otherwise entirely dispensable.