Wondering what MCA is going through now? Lost in unfamiliar names? Can't make sense of the "I say this, you say that?" Here's a simple guide to help you stay on top of the MCA mess.

The What

The whole battle revolves around one man - Chua Soi Lek - who was caught having sex with a woman who's not his wife, on video. MCA sacked him for that, just as any worker would have been sacked if they were caught with their pants down and it is beamed worldwide, worse still if it is one of the top Internet searches on porn sites. The whole MCA mess revolves around him trying to hang on to power.

The Who

Let's put this one in simple terms for this one: It's a battle between the New MCA and the has-beens. On one side of the ring is the president Ong Tee Kiat, who's solidly backed by his three other cabinet ministers and eight deputy ministers and more than two-thirds of his central committee. On the other side, is a bunch of has-beens. In random order of uselessness:

1) Tan Chai Ho - former deputy home minister whose atrocious English and Malay would have made him MCA president for eternity if they could be translated into votes. He was also linked to the triads, and several years ago, he officiated an office lot of his "friend" in his then constituency, Bandar Tun Razak. Later, his "friend" was found dead after a police shootout near Seremban, and was later identified as head of the brutal M16 Gang.

2) Loh Seng Kok - In MCA's 60-year history, he is the only MP who served only one term (in Kelana Jaya) and was not fielded again. Poor performance would have been an understatement. The voters in Kelana Jaya got so mad at his poor record, they voted for videoman Loh Gwo Burne instead in 2008.

3) Chong Itt Chew - Another has-been whose power base is in Kedah, where he used to be an exco. Now, itching for a comeback. Just ask any housing developers in Kedah. They would tell you that even if all the houses in Kedah were to turn into closets, they couldn’t store the skeletons he has. But possibly there may be just enough room to keep his ill-gotten gains.

The Why

One man wants to become the MCA president and health minister. The rest just want to tag along. Not convinced? Look at his EGM resolutions. They include two seemingly disconnected but related points: The first is to get rid of Ong through a motion of no confidence. The second is to reinstate Chua as deputy president.

When No 1 is gone, No 2 takes over. Sweet and simple. The rest of the gang just want to hitch a ride on the laughing stock of the international community.