SATIRE Halim’s heavy footfall echoed on the busy Petaling Jaya sidewalk lining the road in front of PJ Hotel, as he waded through the crowd, pushing against one another as they advanced step by step in their collective journey to get to the nearby iconic Padang Timur public square.

Today is special. They were all in for a treat, as the federal government is launching the new TN50 Federal Law Enforcement Robots, FELLER for short, programmed to enforce both civil and syariah laws and empowered to act as judge, jury, social media monitorer and punisher.

And as with every federal government programme, there is bound to be goodies and gifts for those who attend as the government loves to have crowds at events, especially if they cheer loudly and wave the ubiquitous 'I LUV (insert name of leader here)' placards with gusto.

He mingled with the crowd making the trip to the square, keeping his gaze lowered just in case his sight grazes that of a non-Muhrim female, as the state Morality Authorities' (MORAIS) moral-surveillance drones flutters overhead.

The drones are equipped with a hypersensitive 360-degree panoramic extreme-zoom camera that can detect lingering looks and prolonged eye-contact, as well as a unidirectional electro-zapper to zap offenders into catatonic obedience.

Halim mulled about the Out-Of-Wedlock Sex Prevention Enactment 2021 (OOWSPE) which made it an offence for all Muslim males and females to engage in prolonged eye-contact with non-Muhrims of the opposite sex, in the fear that it would lead to out-of-wedlock sex.

The enactment also provides for the use of drones for enforcement, bypassing constitutional privacy safeguards by virtue of superior moral authority.

Parliamentarians and assemblypersons from the opposition fought the enactment via the courts and the House and state legislature, until the Political Activities Requirement Act of 2024 was passed.

The Act requires that all those seeking public office go through mandatory lobotomy where the intellectual and argumentative centre of the brain is removed to ensure docile and servile behaviour.

The law was put in place by the government after it was found that there was a mismatch between the quality of MPs and assemblypersons fielded by the opposition and those selected for candidacy and cabinet posts by the ruling party.

The government decided if its ministers and elected representatives were selected sans intellect and ability to argue, then all opposition politicians should be of the same level too, thus the enforced lobotomies on all seeking public office.

Halim found it sad that after the new law was enforced, the opposition MPs and assemblypersons were now indistinguishable from those from the ruling party and no longer fought for the public good, like opposing the Out-of-Wedlock Sex Prevention Enactment.

Halim even found himself missing the frequent urgings for royal commissions of inquiry (RCIs) by the opposition elected representatives, no matter how annoying it can often get.

“Woiii,” screamed the person in front of Halim, as he was jolted back to reality by the violent impact of him running into his fellow citizen.

PJ Babi-Exclusion zone

“Maaf! Maaf! Sorry... sorry...” placated Halim as he noticed that they were walking near the entrance to the Petaling Jaya Babi-Exclusion Zone where all shops that serve pork and other non-halal food were relocated to avoid confusing Muslims.

A patron walking into the Babi-Exclusion Zone had his dog with him, the animal safely enclosed in the federal government-approved Anjing-Binatang-Haram Bubble Device, a dog-sized plastic enclosure that totally enclose the dog so as not to get into contact with Muslims.

It is only with the invention of the bubble that it is now okay again for dogs to make public appearances otherwise the law requires them to be banished from towns and cities to, yes, avoid confusing Muslims.

The crowd gingerly parted and slowed down, both to avoid getting too close to the dog which the MORAIS has declared to be haram, and to stay as far back as possible from the Babi-Exclusion Zone, sometimes known as the Babi Sanctuary.

Several more minutes of trudging later, Halim and the crowd arrived at Padang Timur.

They huddled around in the commoners paddock awaiting the VIPs to arrive for the Petaling Jaya-level launch of the TN50 FELLER units by Chief Commander of the Imperial Democratic Twitter and Thought Police, Lord Khalil Abdul Bakri.

Feeling the two glasses of DR1NK, or Dana Rakyat 1NeoMalaysia Kedai subsidised teh tarik he had earlier beginning to trickle down to fill his bladder, Halim diverted to the nearby PJ Mall’s restroom to relieve himself.

Standing in line as he waited to use the facilities, Halim mused that just as he is going to, the country has really gone down the toilet in the years preceding 2050. And now that it is 2050, they are literally swimming in the toilet... soon to be flushed down.

Indeed, he wondered how different things would be if Malaysia had achieved 2020 instead, or a second independence from those who have occupied the land since Merdeka.

He could only imagine what might happen now with the new TN50 FELLERs adding to the gamut of monitoring the government has put the rakyat under. Though probably not too loudly, as imagination has also been criminalised under the Mental Processes Act 2019.

HAZLAN ZAKARIA is a member of the Malaysiakini team.