(IPS) ''If someone could tell you how many days you have left before leaving this world, would you really want to know?" asked Kaew, a Thai woman in her 20s who is busy making every moment of her life count.

Kaew found out she was HIV-positive when she received, a year ago, the results of the blood test she took to satisfy the job application requirements of a company.

"I was shocked and felt under an enormous amount of pressure," Kaew, who is a masters degree holder, recalled in her popular book, The critical second: Aids diary . "What I did was to keep checking the result paper every half an hour, hoping it would be different. At that very moment, I wanted to die.

There are some 984,000 people living with HIV in Thailand, a country that has been seriously affected by the pandemic but in recent years has managed to cut new infection rates. As in other parts of the world, young people are bearing the brunt of the pandemic  sheexplained. ''When I read it, what they had sent me turned out to be extracts from my own diary. I was sort of shocked the first few times.''

The eighth edition of her book The critical second is due to be released this month.

"Reading the book, I feel sorry but at the same time very fond of her," said 23 year-old employee Thitiporn Sukitpattanakun. "Her story encourages both people with HIV/Aids and without."

"I am surprised she received so much welcome from people. We have to understand that there are groups of people that have opened their minds to the issue,'' she said. But at the same time, she added, they ''do not represent majority of Thais' perception about Aids'' and more public awareness is needed.

Doubts

Most of Kaew's friends and supporters also log on to the Internet every day to read the latest in her diary. With the exception of Kaew's family members and her best friend, nobody else knows her real identity.

Kaew says she draws inspiration from the fact that the website ''is an Aids website created by those who have nothing to do with HIV/Aids When are you gonna die?

Kaew also says some messages on the website have been insensitive. Some people have posted messages saying mean things like ''when are you gonna die?'', for instance.

Because of discrimination against people with HIV/Aids, Kaew says, "Society these days is much scarier than Aids. People do not want to eat with or talk to us."

Indeed, Thitiporn admits, ''Though I have learned more about HIV/Aids, it is not easy to imagine touching and sharing meals with them.''

People living with HIV/Aids also find themselves shunned by companies. Rasri, head of the personnel department of a company, said that although it is not said in the law, companies usually require employees to turn in their physical examination results — including blood tests — as a requirement to get a work contract.

Explaining the rationale behind the health examinations, he said check-ups can make people pay more attention to their health.

Kaew added that people with HIV/Aids also have to deal with negative perceptions, saying that ''people strongly believe that HIV-positive persons are bad and promiscuous. That is not always true.''

For instance, Kaew said, she and her boyfriend — from whom she says she got HIV — did not have much of a nightlife, or were into drinking or smoking. "He is a very nice man," Kaew said of her boyfriend, the first and only man she has dated.

"I want every HIV-affected person to believe we are as much human as others so we should not dispirited," said Kaew. "And for those who are not affected, please understand that HIV-affected people are people like you, and are spending their lives not very different than yours. They might be sitting next to you. Please do not detest them."

Kaew said that more anti-HIV/Aids campaigns are needed, though they sometimes made people more scared of HIV-positive persons than of HIV itself.

Still, Kaew said: "If I had not been infected, I would not have been able to help anyone. HIV/Aids has given me much more than I ever expected."