There are many ways to take the pulse of a nation. A capitalist will whoop at the GDP or KLCI, a human-rights activist will point to the ISA and the OSA, and an environmentalist will weep over the API. But these are just surface distractions. We need to dig deeper to find out where we as a nation have come from, where we are going, and what we should wear when we get there.

This is why Cleo 's 50 Most Eligible Bachelors issue every March is such an important milestone for us all. One need not come up with all sorts of National Geographic-type analogies about how females choose their mates to realise that the qualities considered eligible today are the same qualities that will be carried down and be relevant tomorrow.

The Cleo editors had presumably spent months coming up with what they now tout as "our sexiest bunch ever!" But who are these guys? Well, they come from all over the country and beyond. Their ages range from 19 to 35. They are for the most part clean-shaven and smiley. A lot of them seem to work in Advertising but are really ashamed of it because they keep coming up with euphemisms like "creative director".

Despite the sexy hyperbole all the featured guys kept their shirts firmly on this year, surely contributing to the lie that women are less visually orientated than their Y-chromosomed counterparts. Esquire 's "Women We Love" issues never have everyone dressed so demurely, but then again, this is modest Malaysia.

The bachelors were made to answer a set questionnaire which included items like "My allure is:" and "Name a famous person who inspires you and why." (Two people picked our Prime Minister, although I won't tell you why). I realise this isn't a Malaysian invention, but is the questionnaire idea a witty, transgressive parody of a consumer-report checklist or merely an exercise in sexist objectification? Both, I hope.

Most of the guys are not famous but among the few that are known, the actor Norman Hakim astonished me by coming up with the correct answer to the question, "What is a gerbera?" I will never think of him as a smarmy, wooden bimbo ever again; he's now just smarmy and wooden.

Our ideas on personality are shaped to a great degree by American television. Men now aspire to the sardonic Chandler, sweet Joey or capable Ross archetypes. So what are the predominant values on display among this year's Eligible Bachelors? What are the qualities that will by process of natural selection be genetically passed down to the younger generation of Malaysians?

Well, the man of today can have a mix of taste ("Women shouldn't wear white shoes (because) that's so passe"), self-confidence ("My allure is my sexy dimples, nice height and great voice"), honesty (men "can be really violent and addicted to gambling"), maturity ("I found out there was more to life than woman and booze"), social conscience ("Nelson Mandela inspires me because he stood up for a cause") or laddish humour ("a gerbera is what teenage girls wear to enhance their non-existent breasts.")

I must confess that not all the answers reached the same heights of charm. Some of the answers freaked me out, and I don't even mean that in a nice way. There's a guy who boasts that his mother often tells him, "You'll always be my pretty boy," and this simply can never add to anyone's shaggability, if you ask me.

The moral of the tale is that women have commendably seized the erotic initiative. Cleo readers will get to vote on their favourite Bachelor at a dinner event, which I have visions of turning into a Bacchanalian frenzy. Who will they pick? The suspense is terrible. So the girls should just get on top and knock themselves out. The country depends on you.