I am as pro-reformasi as the next guy, but I am finding it very difficult to keep up with the proposed Barisan Alternatif boycott of our major newspapers. This is because our news organs have been such a valuable source of moral instruction for me.

Forget the editorials and the news. Everything that I know in life has been obtained from Malay Mail Beauties. You know the people I mean, of course. These smiley specimens of pulchritude look out at you from Page 5 of every issue of the tabloid that cares (but page 3 on Sunday), in between all those shocking exposes of "errant traders" who "flout the law" and "residents who appeal to the authorities" to "solve their plight" of the day.

Unlike the decadent Page 3 stunnas of the British Sun , our home-grown models keep their clothes as well as their wits firmly about them. Their fearless opinions on issues of the day are enough to inspire total confidence in our education system. They are not just part-time models; they are true visionaries whose contributions to Malaysian society have been overlooked for too long.

Leafing through their opinions over the past few weeks can bring tears to your eyes. "Malaysians have every reason to stand tall," opines civil engineering student Norizan Mohd Amin, the Malay Mail Beauty (MMB) of Jan 3, who then proceeds to substantiate this thesis: "We hosted the Formula 1 racing, we have the KL International Airport, the KL Tower and the Petronas Twin Towers ... And with good leadership, we face no problems unlike other countries."

Do all MMB think that everything is hunky-dory with the state of our nation? Of course not. As with any community of intellectuals, you are bound to get a variety of opinions. Just check out the MMB of Dec 31, 17-year-old student Khairunissa Mad Ali, who says: "Exercise sterner control over water sport." Expressing her displeasure at the many accidents involving water scooters, she ringingly exhorts the government to "introduce strict legislature on jet-skiing". The fact that she managed to overcome her worries long enough to smile toothily for the camera is a testament to her multi-faceted nature.

Most MMB however choose not to blame the government but rather certain "errant" members of the public whose lack of civic responsibility continue to ruin things for the rest of us. "Don't ignore handphone warning" lectures the miffed but smiling 22-year-old student Jenny Tan (MMB of Dec 30) about the obnoxious habit of people who use their handphones at petrol stations. "What if the unexpected happens and the phone causes the petrol to ignite?" she continues grimly. Ignore her words at your peril. Just don't come sobbing to me when you answer your Celcom at a Caltex and then find yourself bursting into flames.

Another MMB has a similarly stern message. "Say NO to lewd shows," offers the 22-year-old shop executive and dance enthusiast Raina Mohd Nor (the MMB of Jan 17). I have been suitably chastised ever since, and have continued to say "No" except in the occasions when I could not resist a "Maybe."

Environmental rather than moral pollution is what occupies the thoughts of the 20-year-old insurance agent and exhibitions promoter Stephanie Low (MMB of Jan 6). "Keep our rivers free of pollution," she says. "If everyone plays his part in keeping our rivers clean, we will be able to see it bountifully filled with marine life." If only more people shared her view!

More helpful tips for mankind come tumbling forth from the smiley lips of the MMB of Jan 19, the 27-year-old homemaker Arabaena Bacho ("Spend your time wisely"), the smiley lips of the MMB of Jan 14, the 20-year-old clerk Aziatuladawiah Meh ("Reading brings many benefits") and the smiley lips of the MMB of Jan 31, the 20-year-old part-time model Siti Norhidayah Abu Bakar Sidek ("Exercise makes one feel good"). Such insights, untainted by the twin horrors of cynicism and iconoclasm, can be found but infrequently in this vale of tears.

I have this fantasy scenario of all these MMB getting together for lunch one day. If you were a patronising patriarchal type, you'd imagine that these "gals" (and they are always referred to as "gals" when they are not "lasses") would merely trade gossip. Wrong! These MMB would instead exchange all sorts of useful pointers for the betterment of societal health and morals as well as proposals for environmental and institutional reform.

What's even more amazing is that they will never take their smiles off their faces. Most MMB are also able to articulate their points while resting their chins on their hands or while looking over their shoulder. Long may they reign!