The global spectacle of the US presidential elections has prompted a variety of responses worldwide - ranging from shock and outrage to amusement and ridicule.

But, if the pronouncements from government ministers and the local media is anything to go by, the response from Malaysia can only be described as undisguised glee.

Days before Floridians piled into their polling booths to punch in the wrong holes on their ballot forms, Malaysian prime minister Mahathir Mohamad had already indicated exactly whom he wanted to see lose.

"If Al Gore becomes president, I'm sorry - it would be a little difficult for us to have good relations," he said early this month. Describing Gore as 'uncouth', he added, "Al Gore needs to be taught some good manners."

The well-mannered Mahathir is no doubt still smarting from the humiliation he received from Gore at the 1998 APEC Summit in Kuala Lumpur, which was held against a backdrop of almost daily street protests against Mahathir.

Gore told an APEC dinner meeting that he heard cries for democracy and 'reformasi' (reforms) "here today - right here, right now - among the brave people of Malaysia."

Immense satisfaction for minister

However, the outcome of the presidential race - or rather, the lack of it - now gives Mahathir the satisfaction of seeing his tormentor taught that lesson. As an added bonus, it was also perfect ammunition for the Malaysian government's crusade against that Evil Beast, Western-style democracy.

First into the breach was defacto law minister Rais Yatim, who lamented that "a country that is supposed to practice the best democratic system in the world cannot even determine who is to become its new president . the US must now recognize its weaknesses and realise that its system is not the best in the world."

He added that this "failure" should open the eyes of the world to the fact that "the days of the US interfering in the affairs of other countries have ended."

It probably gave him immense satisfaction saying this just two weeks after seven 'interfering' Congressmen tabled a resolution in the US Congress criticizing his government's handling of the trial of former deputy premier Anwar Ibrahim and the crackdowns on Anwar's supporters.

As far as Rais was concerned, "the US has forfeited the right to criticize other countries."

International trade and industry minister Rafidah Aziz went one up on the defacto law minister by suggesting that Third World countries send their representatives to future US presidential elections as observers. "I am amazed that no country could send observers to monitor the elections there."

In true Mahathir-style diplomacy, foreign minister Syed Hamid Albar joined in the chorus a few days later, suggesting that Kuala Lumpur should have sent observers to the US vote.

Mainstream media scream and shout

Strangely, neither Rafidah nor Hamid failed to echo a similar call made by Malaysia's Opposition for independent international agencies to monitor the country's general elections last year. The request was, of course, flatly refused.

Taking its cue from the leadership, the mainstream media eagerly joined the feeding frenzy. "It's the Third World's turn to teach the teacher the basics of democracy" screamed a headline in the New Straits Times.

"The US hoisted on its own petard" cried another. "Florida a Third World democracy" declared an editorial from the Utusan Malaysia, likening its elections to a Hollywood script gone woefully wrong.

The Star continues on the banana republic theme, with one commentator suggesting that, if the election outcome should go to the courts, the Malaysian Parliament should table a resolution demanding a fresh trial if it is not happy with the verdict - particularly if Gore wins.

"The brave people of Florida are crying out for 'reformasi'," he remarks cynically.

Needless to say, lurid details of election fraud, voter intimidation, legal squabbles, media manipulation, street demonstrations and money politics in the US filled the pages of what is usually a restrained, docile and self-censoring Malaysian press.

In all honesty, much of the criticism of the US presidential election system is probably warranted.

However, despite the righteous howls of outrage from Malaysian ministers and the media, none of them have yet made a convincingly favourable comparison to Malaysia's own system of picking the country's leadership - and for good reason.

US can't beat Malaysian election dramas

Who becomes our prime minister, for example, is in effect determined by the 2,000 or so delegates who elect the Umno President. In the run-up to the party elections last May, the Umno leadership tried to impose a no-contest ruling for the top post.

More recently, it considered a proposal to extend the terms of top party leaders to five years instead of the current three, further strengthening their stranglehold on power. These aren't exactly models of the democratic process, by any stretch of the imagination - which is probably why they ultimately fell by the wayside.

Another proposal to widen the right to vote among the party's grassroots membership was ignored.

Umno itself has experienced its share of disasters when, as in the current US presidential elections, the vote difference between the respective opponents gets too close for comfort.

We all remember Tengku Razaleigh's unprecedented challenge during the 1987 party elections, when Mahathir narrowly held the Umno Presidency by a very uncomfortable 43 votes.

Claiming voting irregularities, his vanquished opponents took the matter to the courts. The outcome resulted in Umno, the leading partner in the country's ruling coalition, being declared an illegal political party.

Let's see the legal battles between the Democrats and Republicans try and beat that.

Horrific full-page adverts

The Malaysian government's conduct during the country's general elections also leaves much to be desired.

While the Malaysian media is today making much of the 19,000 votes invalidated in Florida's West Palm Beach County, there was hardly a whisper of complaint from them when 680,000 registered Malaysian voters were told that they could not vote in the general elections last year.

The eager coverage of money politics, election fraud, phantom voters and intimidation in the US elections over the past weeks is a veritable flood compared to the scant mention of similar accusations by Malaysia's Opposition parties in the months following the country's elections.

Also featured in the press was the fact that Americans were being forced to take to the streets to demand their democratic rights.

Not mentioned anywhere was the fact that similar protests would probably be violently scattered by riot police, truncheons, tear gas and water cannons here in Malaysia, as was evident in the 10,000-strong demonstration that took place on the Kesas Highway on Nov 5.

Trying to scamper up that increasingly slippery slope of the moral high ground, the local media even criticized the role of the US media in influencing the outcome of the result.

These were the same newspapers that last year carried horrific full-page advertisements warning voters of impending anarchy, riots, looting and racial strife if Malaysians were silly enough to vote for the Opposition.

This year's presidential election probably does reveal the sheer hypocrisy of the US when it slaps the wrists of the developed world for not achieving the heights of democracy it claims to have attained.

Sheep, truncheons and dominance

The system is imperfect and it is flawed.

But Malaysians themselves would be even worse hypocrites if they think they have done any better.

If we think the American electoral system is a farce, what can we say about an ostensibly democratic system that is propped up by a sheep-like, subservient press, policed by truncheon-waving thugs and dedicated to perpetuating the unquestioned dominance of one party and one leader?

Between the absurd hilarity of one farce and the cruel cynicism of the other, about the most one can probably say is that they're both too close to call.

SABRI ZAIN is freelance writer who established reputation as the diarist of the reformasi movement. He also runs a regular Not The New Straits Times web column.