There existed a time when life was good  with a strip of wire, the car started; with a twist of the wrist, the signal lights came out and the bonnet opened.

All this done under a minute. With my signal lights in his hands, the gentleman, who now nursed a broad grin, said: "Boss, have you watched Gone in 60 seconds ? (The Nicholas Cage movie about car thieves)."

According to him, there are 18 thief-friendly places in a Proton and to counter this, he will insert metal plates and sensors for a "reasonable price" of RM350.

I was sold.

Wrong end

Anyway back to my squeaky dilemma. I returned to Puchong from the PJ branch at about noon. I told the service advisor to check the problem and service the car. As for the alignment and balancing, I decided to do it elsewhere.

I waited in a room full of irate customers, some were lashing out at the service advisors over the delay and over the usual 'squeak-rattle-and-power-window' problems.

At about 4pm, a mechanic drove my car into the shed and I followed him. Despite the fatigue, a smile danced on my face at the prospect of being squeak-free soon.

Tired of my lurking and observing, he politely shooed me away. More than three hours later, I saw my car being taken on a test drive.

Nearly two hours later, I was given the car and made to pay RM115 for the oil change and other works.

The service advisor assured me that the absorbers had been checked, something was replaced, a new reverse sensor was installed and the sports rim caps were fitted — something which I had to pay RM10 a piece.

I returned home that night tired but satisfied... until I drove down a slope and the squeak returned, twice as loud.

Heart-broken and frustrated, I scanned through the receipt and discovered that despite repeatedly stressing that the problem lay in the front, they had worked on the rear absorbers.

Day three — returned to the service centre and it was déjà vu — the same irate customers and the anguished wait.

At 8pm, I collected my car and was given ambiguous explanations as to what went wrong. I was also told that if the sound recurred, I would have to leave my car there for several days for a series of tests.

And when I questioned how a new car could squeak and screech, the reply was a simple: " Kira nasiblah " (depends on your luck).

Now take my luck and add it to the more than RM5,000 down payment and multiply that by RM722 for seven years.

Isn't that a rather costly formula to test one's luck?

On the bright side, the car has not squeaked since but the experience has scarred me for life. I have developed 'Protonophobia' and past sufferers tell me it can only be cured if I make enough money to buy a Japanese or European car.

My greatest fear is the air bags (something which I was very proud of in the past). Now, I am just terrified at the possibility of it ballooning in my face due to some faulty wiring or whatnot.

I have survived two weeks. God help me live through the other 300 more.