Surely the most gobsmacking piece of news from Malaysia this week was the apparent admission by the god-forsaken Umno/BN that the Islamic religion that it so fraudulently claims to champion needs a new set of ‘guidelines’ to prevent its members from ripping-off the faithful.

Or at least this is the only possible interpretation of the regime’s response to recent revelations by the NGO National Oversight and Whistleblowers (NOW) that massive amounts of money ‘managed’ by the charity allegedly caring for Muslim orphans, Yayasan Pembangunan Ekonomi Islam Malaysia (Yapeim), had been squandered on executive pleasure-trips other non-orphan-related activities.

Not that many or indeed any of us were surprised by the misuse if not outright embezzlement of charity funds per se. After all, Umno/BN, like every other Islamic or Muslim-majority government around the globe, clearly sees itself as perfectly entitled to live high on the hog as it possibly can at others’ expense.

Thus the diversion of funds from a charity like Yapeim, not to mention other, similar organisations in Malaysia collecting money from and on behalf of the faithful, is all too common if not outright routine.

Malaysia’s Prime Minister, Najib Abdul Razak, has openly admitted that he considers himself a perfectly rightful recipient of charity, having declared that RM2.6 billion that suspiciously arrived in and just as suspiciously departed from his personal bank account was a ‘donation’ from an anonymous benefactor that he has now dubbed a ‘Good Samaritan’.

So no, robbery in the name of charity, or from charities themselves, is no big news. But the official response in the Yapeim case sure as hell is.

First for the sheer effrontery on the part of Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Asyraf Wajdi Dusuki in his proposal to establish a committee to create ‘guidelines’ to monitor the management of Yapeim ‘as well as other religious institutions’, to the exclusion, presumably, of non-religious institutions like Najib himself and the criminal government he heads.

Second and even more shocking, as mentioned up front, was the implication that Islam, with all its exhortations to the faithful to behave themselves for fear of punishment under Sharia law, or the threat of hudud, or even eventual banishment to Hell, is so helpless to discipline or punish its adherents that it needs further ‘guidelines’ to keep them on the straight and narrow.

As an infidel I realise I’m speaking from ignorance here, but I assume that the Quran is absolutely replete with guidelines, in similar spirit if not precisely the same words as the well-known Judeo-Christian 10 commandments.

Covering up systematic larceny

If so, it is difficult to imagine a set of Umno/BN guidelines that would more clearly express allegedly divinely-inspired exhortations against such characteristic regime activities as stealing, and lying or even killing if necessary to cover-up its systematic larceny.

In any case, such proscriptions as ‘thou shalt not steal’ and sundry other clear religious prohibitions aside, who could possibly need further guidance than that given by the secular law of the land?

Stealing is, as far as I’m aware, against the law everywhere, even when it’s done under the guise of receiving a donation or setting-up a phony development fund. The problem with that, however, is that the members and cronies of so many governments, including or even particularly self-styled ‘religious’ ones like Umno/BN, consider themselves above the law.

So, as typically stupid and hypocritical as I believe Umno/BN’s guidelines to be, and as laughably lauded as ‘the first of such guidelines in the world’, it is just possible that they will apply equally to those who see themselves above the law as to all us peasants below it.

If such a state of equality under guidelines as well as religion eventuates, of course, I will be all for it. If guidelines for Yapeim result in a fair deal for the orphans, for example, I would happily stop criticising them with my snide lines and instead urge that the concept be endlessly extended.

Who knows, guidelines for the police could very well give pause to members of the force who currently allegedly work hand-in-glove with organised crime, allegedly solicit bribes from the public and endlessly cause alleged suspicious deaths in their custody.

Guidelines for the judiciary could result in the appointment of an attorney-general prepared to uphold his sworn duty to administer the law impartially, and get rid of judges allegedly in the pay or under the sway of the ruling regime.

Guidelines for the electoral commission could conceivably see an end to the shameless, unconstitutional gerrymandering of electoral boundaries and the blatant treating and bribery of voters.

Guidelines for the mainstream media could result in the printing and broadcast of political and other news without fear or favour.

I could go on and on all day here, guidelinewise, but that’s enough fantasising for now. You and I know such idealistic dreams will never come true, even for the guidelines that are allegedly in the works for Yapeim or any other institutions, ‘religious’ or otherwise, under Umno/BN.

Their so-called ‘guidelines’ will turn out to be just another name for the customary regime combination of secrecy and deception, or in other words, the same old tried and untrue system of ‘hidelines’ and ‘liedlines’.

DEAN JOHNS, after many years in Asia, currently lives with his Malaysian-born wife and daughter in Sydney, where he coaches and mentors writers and authors and practises as a writing therapist. Published books of his columns for Malaysiakini include ‘Mad about Malaysia', ‘Even Madder about Malaysia', ‘Missing Malaysia', ‘1Malaysia.con’ and ‘Malaysia Mania’.