Call me an incurable optimist if you will, but for me, the apparent fact that lies by members and supporters of the Umno-BN regime have lately gone from laughable to outright loony, is a sign that they realise they’re on a losing streak.

Surely, desperation to the point of derangement is the sole possible explanation for Home Minister and Deputy Prime Minister Ahmad Zahid Hamidi’s recent fabrication of the fantasy that there was a plot last year by the Islamic State (IS), to kidnap Umno-BN personages - including himself, Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak and Defence Minister Hishammuddin Hussein.

Zahid also alleged (as if more detail might add credibility to this ‘looney tunes’ tale) that militants had attempted last year to bomb Putrajaya and a building at Bukit Jalil, to “destroy entertainment outlets, suspected vice dens and gambling places in KL,” to steal cash from a Genting Highlands security van, and to storm army camps for supplies of firearms and explosives.

What, I wonder - in his desperation-disordered mind - did this goon hope to gain by telling Malaysians a story so ridiculous that they would have to be deranged to believe?

Did he see this preposterous set of porkies as lending support for the long-discredited proposition that the ‘donation’ of RM2.6 billion to Najib from an alleged anonymous Middle-Eastern benefactor was for his services against IS?

A fake tale?

Or as an attempt to reassure citizens rendered nervous by the blundering ‘loss’ of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370, the bungled response to guerilla incursions into Sabah, and the long failure to detect Chinese intrusions into Malaysian waters that the security of the nation is in safe hands with Umno-BN?

Or else, as a great many of us fear and suspect, was his fake tale of a foiled kidnap plot just the first shot in a campaign to justify the regime in declaring a state of emergency on the grounds of national security for the purpose of avoiding facing the wrath of a disenchanted or outright disgusted electorate in the general election that’s due in 2018?

Whichever, this latest Zahid lie struck most Malaysians as even less credible than his previous one, the tale that the proposed importation of 1.5 million workers from Bangladesh had nothing to do with financial gain to his brother or other Umno-BN cronies, and so much crazier as to laugh it to scorn.

The most overwhelming response, as far as I could see, was the sentiment that if IS or any other group was stupid enough to kidnap Najib, Hishammuddin and Zahid, then it was entirely welcome to take and keep them, and the rest of the Umno-BN gang into the bargain.

Speaking of the rest of the gang, this past week there were several other Umno-BN spokespersons besides Zahid who pushed the regime practice of lying to the point of looniness.

To my mind, the most notable of these was Domestic Trade, Consumerism and Cooperatives Minister Hamzah Zainuddin who went on a rant of rabid falsehoods in response to a DAP parliamentarian’s question as to whether rises in the prices of goods are dependent on God , as memorably alleged some time ago by Umno Youth ulama secretariat chairperson Fathul Bari Mat Jahaya.

“The problem is those who don’t believe in God are the ones who always raise prices,” Hamzah raved, forgetting - perhaps, in the heat of the moment - that the regime he represents has not only raised prices with its GST, but also conspires with its members and cronies to rip Malaysians off through monopoly pricing of a literally countless array of goods, services, fees and tolls, through ‘commissions’ and kickbacks on civil-works projects and government purchases, and of course sundry other massive frauds.

‘Sensational news’

Another Umno-BN mouthpiece who took lying to a similarly loony if not unholy extent this week, was Bagan Serai MP Dr Noor Azmi Ghazali, who took his turn to continue the regime’s long-sustained ‘shoot-the-messenger’ assault on the newspaper that broke - and continues to break - the bad news on the 1MDB and RM2.6 billion ‘donation’ scandals, the Wall Street Journal (WSJ).

Dr Noor lied that this internationally-renowned paragon of the financial press peddles “sensational news” to attract and sustain its readership.

His writing-off of WSJ as some kind of trash tabloid was ridiculous enough, as was his implication that its readers in the global economic community would consider news of hanky-panky in a country with as poor a reputation for financial probity as Umno-BN’s Malaysia as surprising, let alone sensational.

But what took Dr Noor’s remarks from the category of stock-standard regime lying to the realm of something suspiciously resembling lunacy was his likening of WSJ to “a beauty queen with panau (fungal infection or white spots) under her clothes.”

What on earth does this simile signify? That Dr Noor is a dermatologist with a particularly attractive yet sadly afflicted female patient on his mind?

Or that it has somehow slipped his mind that the regime he represents is a far more vivid example of an acceptable if far from beautiful face attempting to clothe a festering reality that any newspaper, even an Umno-BN-owned one - let alone the WSJ - could possibly be?

Given cartoonist Zunar’s predilection for lampooning one of the principal beautiful faces of the regime, I’ll be keeping an eagle eye out for his take on this topic.

Meanwhile, I’ll be waiting with bated breath for even more loonier lies still from a government that - having lost every shred of credibility with the vast majority of those it formerly duped - is left with nothing but the insanity of self-deception to try and delay its demise.

DEAN JOHNS, after many years in Asia, currently lives with his Malaysian-born wife and daughter in Sydney, where he coaches and mentors writers and authors and practises as a writing therapist. Published books of his columns for Malaysiakini include ‘Mad about Malaysia', ‘Even Madder about Malaysia', ‘Missing Malaysia', ‘1Malaysia.con’ and ‘Malaysia Mania’.