When Frankie Goes to Hollywood released Relax , rumours spread like wildfire in our entire college that the album would be banned.

"It's about sex!" said our street-smart trenchcoat-wearing Singapore-educated mate.

Within a day, an elaborate plan, worthy of Bond, was hatched. We would purchase the album from London and Singapore (as a subsequent rumour suggested that the latter version was sanitised), discard the cover and insert the 'package' in a hollowed-out Biology textbook.

The agents of our covert action were those from the moneyed class. Their families would hardly have blinked at their younglings' request for a weekend trip to London or Singapore. As it was the era before Napster, it took almost a week before we could savour the fruits of our labour bootleg copies of the uncensored album which went for RM5.

And no none of the boys I knew were worked up by the song to go "do it".

Today, where technology has advanced so far to give music lovers greater choice at a proletariat price (three CDs for RM10), meddling minions from the echelons of power decide it's time to get heavy on lyrics and our entertainment again.

The Minister in the Prime Minister's Department Dr Abdullah Md Zin (photo) announced there will be new guidelines for the entertainment industry, ranging from gender-segregated seating at concerts, to banning songs that contradict Islam or 'lull' the listeners from their 'responsibilities'.

This is said to be in line with the 8th principle of Islam Hadhari. As such, the government wants to see, "(B)entuk hiburan yang sederhana, bersih, menghiburkan dan tidak melalaikan ." (Entertainment forms that are moderate, clean, entertaining and do not make one negligent)

This decision was reportedly made on May 6 at the meeting of the National Fatwa Council, in which the Prime Minister is the chair. ( Utusan Malaysia , May 18, 2005)

Songs to be banned?

One of the culprits singled out was the word 'Heaven'; a particularly popular metaphor in the genre of syrupy love songs. Minister Abdullah took offence because one cannot be guaranteed to meet at the gates of 'heaven'. Naturally. Never mind the fact that this word, along with others such as 'heartbreak', 'cut up', 'pain inside', is employed allegorically.

Do we really have to state the obvious, that when 'pain' or 'heartache' is expressed in a song, it doesn't mean our songwriters are talking about their medical condition?

If our Islam Hadhari government finds 'Heaven' offensive, what about 'Hell' or even Mr Scary himself 'Devil'?

Let's go down the list of songs, that may be banned in the future because they didn't quite measure to the moral standards of Islam Hadhari: Devil in Disguise (Elvis Presley), Devil Woman (Cliff Richard), Black Magic Woman (Santana), Devil in her Heart (Beatles), Devil and the Deep Blue Sea (Ella Fitzegerald).

As for our budding musicians and guitarists, they may be able to play surreptitiously in the hidden cubicles of their music schools but they may no longer be allowed to hear: Sympathy for the Devil (Rolling Stones), Devil in My Lunchbox (Marilyn Manson), Heaven Ain't Hard to Find (2PAC), Heaven is a Place on Earth (Belinda Carlisle), Tears in Heaven (Eric Clapton) and Stairway to Heaven (Led Zeppelin).

The latter two, by the way, are compulsory classic songs that any fledging guitarist must master in order to be taken seriously. Bob Dylan's Knocking on Heaven's Door is usually sang at gigs and there are various versions by Guns 'N Roses, U2, Avril Lavigne, Wyclef Jean and Eric Clapton.

At the rate things are descending, even my father may finally be persuaded to invest in broadband and an iPOD.

There is something to be said of government officials who, in the name of religion and upholding morality, invade our bookshelves, living rooms and earphones.

It usually speaks of a regime that is so bereft of ideas that it needs to start tinkering in areas such as what songs and books should be banned, where men and women should be seated or the all-time favourite how women should be dressed in public.

Nothing better to do

Deciding what design of lamppost to erect along the boulevards of Putrajaya takes more effort especially since some form of aesthetics and utility is involved.

Don't our government officials have anything else better to do? For example, there are 125 recommendations from the report of the Royal Commission on the Police to be put into operation and three years' worth of Suhakam recommendations to be implemented. There is still the '18'-mystery men/women to be hauled to court on corruption charges.

Or is it a case of having to show to the public that they are doing something, somewhere, without having to address more pertinent issues?

Will the government now make my 74-year-old father sit all alone on the other aisle with strangers when we go for concerts at the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra? Will my brother and I part ways at the entrance if ever Rolling Stones rocks our city?

Or will we have another situation where these guidelines are applicable only to one intended community, and not the rest?

The last time one could remember the state interfering in the entertainment industry was when male artistes with long hair were not allowed to perform in public, and dyed-locks were a big no-no. These days, it's a common sight.

One may stretch one's imagination far and wide, but it's difficult to concoct a vision of concert-goers hell-bent on maksiat (social ills) while listening to Mariah Carey or even XPDC. If we won't tolerate ringing tones of handphones, there is no way we will put up with couples disappearing under their seats (sorry to report, it doesn't happen). And once again, as illustrated earlier, we don't imbibe whatever a songwriter may suggest.

I'm happy to pick up a book if there isn't anything entertaining on television. But at the rate things are going, the likelihood of some guy knocking on my door to confiscate my copy of Vikram Seth's From Heaven Lake is high.