Dancing to loony tunes

The burning fixation on turning Kuala Lumpur into a world class city is beyond comprehension. And suspicion continues to grow that it’s all about minting money the easy way.

Mayor after mayor keeps repeating the same mantra like a turning wheel.

But for quality of life Klites are served with flash floods, a public transport system designed for stress, not for efficient travel. There are also polluted rivers, litter, open manholes and signboards galore exhorting people to adopt various sentiments including one that goes Sayangilah Kuala Lumpur . Sort of rubbing salt in the wound.

KL City Hall (DBKL) thinks of ‘world class’ as tinted glass-facade buildings thrusting into the sky like stubby index fingers. Now they’re talking about 60-70 storey blocks in various parts of the city.

Why they’ve even tossed in an idea for a 100-story gargantuan structure near the Matrade Centre at the border of Jalan Kuching and Jalan Duta. But this has been dismissed as merely an inquiry, nothing serious, you know. Or shall we jump to the conclusion that a kite was being flown?

Town planning director Mahadi Che Ngah reportedly pointed out that such plans must follow height guidelines.

“They cannot just follow the fancy of the landowners,” he declared sounding quite firm indeed.

Also included in his firmness was the need to look at road systems and public transport. I swear VIPs like him are among us and yet are not. When they drive or are chauffeured about, traffic parts for them like the sea did a long time ago for someone.

Traffic lights dare not turn red on them. There are no potholed roads or missing manhole covers; in fact life flows smooth as silk for them, as the saying goes. Life’s so good that even if they have to walk to the nearest eating place - oops sorry, posh restaurant - carbon-laden exhaust fumes swiftly turn into high-class perfume in deference to their delicate nostrils.

The report on the high-rise buildings appeared on May 28 when oil prices were running amok right across the world. The following month an austerity drive that should have started ages ago, was initiated and motored transport took the first hit when 41 percent of the petrol subsidy was withdrawn.

Reportedly within weeks the load stress on city roads had transferred itself to the public transport system and the complaints started piling up. The pressure will now impact on the government which has for decades experimented with the system, not really with commuter comfort in mind.

Power of bio-gas

Lined up next are electricity users - meaning all of us - and also meaning all skyscrapers. When the crunch comes with higher tariffs next month, the cost of electricity will climb so high that all the big shots’ penthouses would be a great finishing line for the owners to huff and puff up to on foot.

When the sun hits the windows, even if these are tinted, the temperature is bound to shoot up. They can indulge in thinking out of the box, say, how to fry eggs or boil water without relying on the usual energy sources. Maybe even cook a whole meal. And you can. With the aid of solar panels. Turn the buildings into hothouses to grow vegetables and, who knows we could just become world class supplier of food.

Another idea to chew on would be bullock power replacing electricity to run the lifts servicing skyscrapers. Bullocks? How? Simple. Yesterday’s lift attendant could be today’s bullock-cart driver with a difference.

Huge gear-and-wheel systems could hoist a cage full of people up the buildings through sheer draft animal power with attendants supervising them. Of course you’d need barns to house the herds. The city fathers might resist the idea initiating but force of circumstances would bend them to acknowledge the necessity.

Look at it this way. Bullocks not only have muscle power, they poo too. Okay. Use all the dung; include the human variety, as it is common knowledge that methane gas can be derived from the waste. The gas can act as fuel to run power-generating plants, serving basic needs like lighting and cooking.

Now spread that idea throughout the city and on to the rest of the country what do have? Renewable energy and less dependence on fossil fuel. Surely, there are enough farm animals in the country for us to seriously consider such bio-gas as an alternative source of energy. The waste can be turned into fertiliser as well.

Why wait for Tenaga Nasional? It is orientated towards profit-making anyway. There has always been a nagging suspicion that higher priority is given to the welfare of the utility company than to that of the nation.

It’s not as though the technology doesn’t exist to convert methane gas to a source of energy. This has been available since the 1970s in the US, India, China and parts of Europe.

Universiti Putra Malaysia has a large herd of cattle, horses and other farm animals. It would be fascinating to find out how much experimentation has been going on there and the progress made so far. Hopefully far enough for practical use in these times of need.

Some years ago Negri Sembilan launched a huge cattle ranch. Now if the authorities take a good look at turning cowdung into an energy source and also spread the skills to rural areas, the savings in power bills would be immense. Other states could emulate the move.

Trishaws and bicycles

The developed world is already ahead in cutting down on motor traffic density on their road systems in the effort to reduce greenhouse gas emissions as well petrol consumption. We, meanwhile, have risen as one of the top polluters in the world, and insist on climbing higher.

Permit me to toss in another suggestion. There are countless fitness freaks as there are gyms to service their desire. Picture this. Rows and rows of treadmills and stationary bicycles with sizeable dynamos attached to them. As the members jog, run or pedal, the dynamos spin transmitting electricity to charge huge batteries hidden behind walls.

The gyms are open day and night. Imagine the amount of power that can stored. Imagine too the thousands of people shedding fat accumulated courtesy of the petrol subsidies and others toning their muscled bodies doing their patriotic duty.

Gym operators could inject enthusiasm by introducing competitions for both sexes to pick the champion energy producer at local, state and then national level. The prize could be a month’s free use of the gym. Surely sponsors would be falling over each other to win the contract.

With media coverage, politicians too would be fired up with enthusiasm to be part of the show. Once they are involved you can bet your bottom dollar that that programme would take off the ground.

On its coat-tails, we could hang other moves to reduce dependency on fossil fuels - like reintroducing trishaws and popularising the bicycle. The latter could be rented out at various points at a nominal rate, while the former can be open to anyone who’s interested in putting some class into that particular calling.

First off should be civil servants who’ve been advised to find second jobs to make ends meet. Ayio and alamak , you say. Mana ada maruah? Woi! we’re talking about hard times here. There’s dignity in honest labour, even in cleaning drains and toilets.

These trishaw riders could dress stylishly, preferably in batik, to attract tourists and converse with the foreigners to impress them with their knowledge of world affairs. At the same time project the all-important image of Malaysia.

Loony, you say? Just look at the current scenario how madly they are planning to redevelop the city with a skyscraper here, there and everywhere in the Draft KL City Plan. We’ve been told that the nation’s oil and gas deposits will dry up in six years. Also, that building material prices are climbing up.

Fortunately for KL, the residents, NGOs and 10 of the Opposition MPs there are giving DBKL a really hard time. They have poked such holes in the plan that the officials there are stymied. This resistance is the sign of the times, that riding roughshod over the public can no longer be tolerated.

DBKL, like bureaucrats everywhere, have dug themselves so deep into the rut of routine that they are finding it difficult climb out to meet this unique challenge. They’re in fact kissing goodbye to the BN’s last constituency in the Federal Territory of KL.

Unusual times need unusual thinking. The nation’s plight can be traced to our dancing to the loony tunes called by the subsidies until the current crisis erupted.

We’re finally entering the real world. A harsh and cruel one. When self-induced delusion is rent, the experience is always excruciating.