'You matter most': One mum's fight to heal while caring for others

Summary

• A caregiver for her daughter with mental health diagnoses has herself been diagnosed with major mental health issues.

• Nashita Md Noor had to stay for nine days at a psychiatric ward, but she found a rare opportunity to rest and focus on her recovery, highlighting the importance of self-care for caregivers.

• Social activist Dr Harlina Halizah Siraj emphasises the need to reduce the stigma surrounding psychiatric treatment and urges women caregivers to prioritise their well-being.

For the past four years, homemaker Nashita Md Noor’s days have revolved around caring for her daughter, 24-year-old Asiah Bad Latif, who lives with multiple mental health diagnoses.

But last year, the 59-year-old found herself battling her own challenges after being diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalised anxiety disorder, and ADHD - conditions she had to juggle while looking after Asiah.

And last month saw a rare role reversal occur that Nashita described as a “privilege” for women caregivers.

“I stated clearly, ‘I want to rest. I want to be alone’. By ‘alone’, I meant taking a temporary break from my family members, not staying at home because I was exhausted,” she told Malaysiakini.

Nashita said her doctor agreed to discuss her situation with the relevant team. Eventually, she chose to be admitted to a government hospital’s psychiatric ward after a series of incidents led her to resort to what she described as an “inappropriate way” of coping.

“Asiah kept repeatedly telling me that I had to surrender myself to the hospital. In the end, I gave in.

“I can’t really remember clearly what happened because of the effects of the medication I took,” said Nashita, a former reformasi-era activist.

She initially drove herself to a clinic, which referred her to a private hospital. The private facility then redirected her to a government hospital equipped with psychiatric services.

Love and support

Nashita credited the support of Asiah, her eldest son Anas, and her husband Bad Latif Mansor – himself a familiar figure among reformasi activists – for helping her through the crisis.

“My condition was not ‘okay’. I could no longer focus. My husband and son came and drove me to a private hospital, but they couldn’t accept my case, specifically, a (prescription) drug overdose.

“We then went to the government hospital’s emergency department, and I was immediately given treatment. The doctor came and asked some questions.

“It was at this point that I was practically begging to be admitted to the ward,” she recalled, adding that she later received a “bipolar-related” diagnosis during her nine-day stay.

Health Minister Dzulkefly Ahmad previously revealed Malaysia has 673 registered psychiatrists serving in public and private sectors, private universities, and the armed forces as of November last year, short of the Health Ministry’s target of 720 psychiatrists for a 1:50,000 population ratio.

Nashita, however, praised the healthcare personnel who allowed her the rare opportunity to rest completely in the absence of an external support system, as patients are barred from using communication devices unless granted special permission.

“Imagine a mother who does not have to cook, serve, or clean. I didn’t have to think about anything.

“I didn’t even worry about my child who was unwell, because I felt that now — the time I was in the ward — was the time for others to take over.

“The best part was that Asiah also became more independent. She cooked for her father and even tidied up. Such a big difference. Alhamdulillah,” she said.

Stigma

Addressing the double burden faced by women who are both mental health patients and caregivers, social activist Dr Harlina Halizah Siraj stressed the importance of reducing stigma around psychiatric treatment.

“Why do we stigmatise? Because we assume everything comes from them (mothers), that they’re the ones causing problems for their children, because they don’t know how to take care of themselves.

“We’re quicker to judge and place blame on them, and that adds even more stigma,” said Harlina, a retired professor of obstetrics and gynaecology from Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia.

“We must adopt the attitude that everyone has their trials. Some people are challenged by physical ailments, while others through mental conditions,” added Harlina, who founded Akademi Dr Har, a platform focused on personal development and empowerment.

She said she recently reconnected with Nashita, whom she befriended in the late 1990s during their early activism days.

“I take the responsibility to be there for her now,” she added.

Back at home, Nashita urged others in similar situations to prioritise their well-being.

“You matter most. Heal yourself before you can help your loved ones,” she said.

Teacher's case: Miasa says mental illness doesn't define a person

COMMENT | From silence to violence: Call to reform mental health

Teens' mental health, confidence at risk from selfie dysmorphia

Social support platform lets people seek help without stigma: Minister