Marriage is bliss, or so they say. However, what happens if the intended marriage is flawed with disagreements, even from the very outset?

It's a real shame actually, but more often than not the sad reality is that the sacred institution of marriage as pre-ordained in almost every single religion of the world tends to be reduced to mere trivialities, such as, Economics. The fact is, many marriage plans may have been pre-emptively destroyed simply because the two parties can't agree on the issue of Belanja Hantaran .

In its simplest sense, Belanja Hantaran, or to be loosely translated here as 'Bride Price' (or in some places it's referred to as Belanja Hangus translated literally as `burnt expenses') is the amount of money payable by the bridegroom to the bride upon solemnization of their marriage vows. It is different from (hence not to be confused with) Mas Kahwin which is the minimum compulsory amount to be given to the wife. Hantaran is considered to be more of a gift from the future husband to his future wife.

Money, money, money

This is a very noble notion in itself. However, unlike any other form of gifts, the Hantaran amount is fixed by the recipient, which renders the gift rather abstract. Invariably its purpose is not exactly as a gift per se to your would be wife, but rather (or at least this is what stoutly said in its defence) to ease the bride's family in holding the wedding reception.

Whilst Mas Kahwin varies interstate between a mere RM20 to RM30, the Hantaran ranges anywhere between a reasonable RM1,000 to a mind boggling RM50,000 (or even more). The irony is that the former is a religious obligation, whilst the latter is merely customary practice.

It conveniently fuels egocentric needs of the bride's family, as if putting a hefty price tag denotes some realtime value of the family, and of the intended union, and heaven forbid if you should try to negotiate (which would be seen as an insult to the family).

As stated earlier, the Bride Price Tag differs from state to state, with the differing cost and standard of living being the overused excuse. Hence you'd find Hantaran in the poorer east coast states generally lower than their western counterparts. This generally puts the bridegroom in the not too enviable position of having to fork out moolah to sponsor two sets of wedding receptions: his as well as hers.

In India, the situation is somewhat reversed. Over there, it's the bride's family that has to fork up a fairly huge sum for the dowry to pay to the bridegroom. It's interesting though to note that this practice is prevalent among the upper caste families, whilst the lower caste custom is for the bridegroom to give a Bride Price to the bride's family (which is somewhat similar to the Hantaran concept that we have in Malaysia).

The reason for giving the dowry in India is varied too. Among others, it is said to compensate the bridegroom family for bringing up and educating the bride. Sometimes it is to help the newlyweds build a new life. It also acts as an insurance, or a bribe, to ensure that the bridegroom will take good care of his future wife. This is because taking a wife is seen as taking a great liability, with no future prospective income. As a result, sometimes giving away your daughter's hand is akin to signing her death sentence.

Bride on fire

The latter part is gravely true because of rampant cases of deaths of brides shortly after marriage. Most are 'accidental' deaths in the kitchen, but is believed to be acts of the husband due to receiving an 'inadequate' amount of dowry. An accurate picture is difficult to obtain, as statistics are varied and contradictory.

In 1995, the National Crime Bureau of the Government of India reported about 6,000 Dowry Deaths (as they are officially known) every year. A more recent Police report stated that Dowry Deaths had risen by 170 percent in the decade to 1997. So widespread were the reported deaths that the Police decided to classify all reported Kitchen Deaths as murder, unless otherwise proved to the contrary.

Though this might be peculiar to India, and practically unheard of in Malaysia, the fact remains that putting a high Bride Price tag puts unnecessary stress on the supposed bliss of married life, even before it actually begun. Whatever the reason, and whichever side has to pay, the bottom line is ultimately the newlywed couple that suffers the consequences of a high prenuptial expense.

Hence perhaps it's time to revisit the necessity of this particular customary practice. Maybe it should strictly be a gift in the real sense: a sum of money or any benefit in kind (which sum or nature is entirely up to the husband to determine) given by the future husband to his future wife. A real, voluntary gift.

ZAIM AL-AMIN is a lawyer. He has two blogs: http://zaimhq.blog-city.com and http://zacknina.blogspot.com . You may email him at zaimhq@gmail.com .