"So, you think you are alive?" The question startled me. "What is life?" he continued, fixing his steely gaze on me.

I began to squirm. I felt my cerebrum fusing as I searched deep into my brain for a sensible response. Alas, it was a futile attempt.

Desperate, I checked my pulse and discovered that it was still beating. But I chose not to argue on a medical note that this proved my 'aliveness'. Somehow, it seemed rather shallow at that point.

It was a beautiful Saturday evening and I had gone to the temple to find a little solace. I did not expect to have all my beliefs and ideas challenged or my very existence questioned. I was not prepared for this.

And this was no ordinary man. Though clad in a simple pair of jeans and a shirt, his eyes glowed with wisdom, not to forget his overflowing hair and beard, which gave him an air of mystery.

"Why have you come to the temple," came his next question, leaving me bewildered. "To pray," I stated the obvious. "To whom?" I felt the blood in my veins simmering. "To God," I shot back rather irritated. "Who is this God and where is he?" he smiled, I frowned.

This chance meeting opened a new chapter in my life. The erudition that took place that night and for many subsequent nights thereafter, left me dazed for months.

Things become clear

Suddenly, everything became clearer. The books I had read many moons before, now, as if their pages had been magically rewritten, offered different meanings.

The proverbial 'a thousand and one' questions lodged in my head from the day my parents introduced me to 'God' had been answered. Even Yoda, with his obvious language flaws, began to make sense.

This learned man, to whom I am eternally grateful, led me on an amazing journey through the spiritual realms. It was nothing short of a quest in self-realisation.

Far and wide I traveled - from Zen Buddhism to Taoism, from the teachings of the Sufi mystics to the Franciscan monks, from Lord Shiva, the God of annihilation, to Yogi Shiva, the enlightened master who annihilates ignorance.

Since that life changing experience more than three years ago, I have repeatedly questioned the nature of my existence, the things I do and the things around me.

It is a daunting task, for some of the things considered important in the 'real' world are regarded as trivial in the spiritual world and vice versa.

Meeting the priest

About six years ago, there was another incident which had jolted my existence and nudged me along the path of contemplation as well.

It was spurred by a meeting with an elderly Christian priest who had dedicated his life to helping drug addicts turn over a new leaf.

A week before, I had bumped into a drug addict outside a temple in the heart of the city. The youth, who was in his early 20s, asked me if I could help him kick the habit and find him a place to stay.

Through a friend, I obtained the telephone number of this priest and arranged a meeting with him.

Expecting to hear some profound words of wisdom and motivation, I was stunned when the priest asked the young man why he wanted to stop using drugs.

Just like me, the young man was baffled by the question. He paused for a moment, then pointed at me and blurted out, "I want to lead a normal life like him."

But before I could bask in the notion that someone had regarded me as a role model, the priest, much to my embarrassment, began laughing loudly.

"Do you really want to be like this fool here?" he asked the young man. "What makes you think his life is normal?"

"He has to go to work, sitting in an office from morning to evening every day. At the end of the month, he gets his salary, but he will have to pay so many bills. There are so many commitments that it is just not worth it," he noted, and I found myself nodding in agreement, my head sinking in despair.

The young man was puzzled. The priest continued: "Your life is so much better. No work, no bills or commitments. All you need is one jab, and you can go flying around the world."

At that point, I could not make up my mind as to who actually needed help - me, the priest or the young man. At the end of the day, the priest agreed to help him and I left the place with a strange desire to purchase a syringe.

To his credit, the priest, whom I regard as one of the most enigmatic people I have met, got me thinking about life.

Striking a balance

In a nutshell, I have come to the conclusion that life is about striking a balance. In the absence of equilibrium, the scales would tip, leading to dire consequences.

Even the venerable Gautama Buddha, who had a knack for making wise remarks, described a sage as one 'who understands both sides in this world'.

Everybody seems to be pursuing something, tangible or otherwise. Some of us crack under the strain while others manage to achieve their goals at great expense, even to the extent of losing their loved ones and friends in the process.

A wise man once told me that while dreams, passions and ideals should be pursued, do not let the pursuit consume you, do not make it the centre of your existence, forcing everyone and everything else to revolve around it.

I have often wondered if a politician, who has made it to the pinnacle of power, or a businessman, rolling in millions, would truly feel that all the sacrifices were worth it at the end of the day.

So, maybe each and every one of us should learn to take a break from our individual pursuits and ask ourselves this question - 'Am I alive?'

The paradox. I too am pursuing the ability to strike a balance and at the same time trying hard not to allow the desire to strike this balance overwhelm me to the point that it throws me off balance.

It may take months, years or even a lifetime to master.

'Though one should conquer a million men in the battlefield, yet indeed, he is the noblest victor who has conquered himself.' - Gautama Buddha.

Below are some other quotes from the Awakened One , which if applied, heeded or reflected upon, could help alleviate the stress and conflicts of day-to-day living:

In each man's mouth at birth is born an axe, wherewith the fool who speaks ill cuts himself.

Real peace comes from within, seek it not from outside.

Practice the middle path, without going to extremes. Practice it in every aspect of your life.

The fault of others is easily seen, but one's own is hard to see. Like chaff one winnows another's faults, but one's own, one conceals as a crafty fowler disguises himself.

Better than a thousand useless words, is a single useful sentence, hearing which, one is pacified.

The fool who is aware of his foolishness is wise at least to that extent. But the fool who thinks himself wise is a fool indeed.

Happy indeed we live without hate among the hateful. We live free from hatred among hateful men.

He should not regard the faults of others, things done and left undone by others, but his own deeds done and undone.

There never was, there never will be, nor is there now, a person who is wholly blamed or wholly praised.

Do not depend on others, develop your own self-confidence.

RK ANAND is a Malaysiakini team member.