This was a women's workshop with a real difference: All the participants were men. The Man's Action Network Against Violence (Man.V) workshop was organised by the All Women's Action Society (Awam) with the aim of creating greater awareness of violence against women amongst men.

Held in Kuala Lumpur on Monday, this second Man.V workshop was attended by those who face the realities of violence in our society every day police officers, medical professionals and government representatives. According to Awam vice-president Judith Low, this was a conscious effort to forge closer ties between service providers to provide care more effectively.

Service providers have often been vilified by the media as being rigidly bureaucratic and insensitive to the needs of violence survivors. The workshop provided a valuable chance for social-workers, service providers and the public to discuss and understand their sometimes conflicting views on the treatment of violence survivors.

The large police contingent present was welcomed by the organisers and participants alike. Koren Suriandran, a businessman who attended the workshop as an individual, hoped that the "negative image of the police" would be dispelled by "hearing their side of the story".

An assistant superintendent who has served for more than 20 years explained why officers sometimes had to question survivors bluntly:

"We must ask certain questions to be sure that [the case] is genuine. Otherwise, why waste our time? We have many other things to do."

The same officer, who declined to be named because he was not authorised to give interviews by headquarters, said that he felt the media "over-reacted" at times by publishing "one-sided" stories that he felt should have been investigated thoroughly before going to print.

Accurate portrayal

However, other participants at the workshop thought media reports of insensitive service providers were indeed fair and accurate.

"I absolutely agree with the claims. We know what to do with our stethoscopes, but not our ears," said Aaron Fernandez, a medical officer who treats battered women at Selayang Hospital.

Dr Alvin Ng echoed the sentiment that the media had given an "accurate portrayal" of the insensitivity survivors had to face when they sought help from the authorities. The clinical psychologist at Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia admitted that service providers needed to be more pro-active by educating themselves about violence against women.

The police force's shortcomings were also highlighted by Awam representatives, who, although ostensibly working towards the same goal as the authorities, are usually at odds with the latter's perceived insensitivity.

"It is about being human. Even in the police force, you can be human about it," said Low.

She recounted a case where she accompanied a 40-year-old woman and her two children to report her husband's abusiveness.

"We went to the station and reported the case, but the police told us that we were not under their jurisdiction and told us to go to Brickfields instead.

"At Brickfields, we had to relate everything again, which was very traumatic for the woman. The officers were not really listening, they were just treating it like any other case.

"Finally, the woman's six-year-old daughter spoke up and told the police what her father had been doing at home. It was only then that they sat up and listened."

False rape reports

Low painted a bleak picture of the dilemma facing violence survivors, who she says are "judged" by the very people who are supposed to help them from the first moment they seek help.

"When a woman goes to the authorities, she knows she is going to be put on the stand and humiliated. It is a tremendously traumatic experience.

"If women feel intimidated, how are they supposed to report their experience? Many abused women don't want to go to the authorities as a result," she said.

She was also deeply sceptical of the police claim that they had to be blunt in order to weed out the many false rape reports.

"Rape is such a taboo subject here. Which woman would actually subject herself to reporting a false rape? Although there may be a small percentage of women who do that, I would question [the police] claims," she said.

According to Low, women's groups had a strained relationship with the police because of the NGOs are seen as catalysts for breaking up families.

"They think we are teaching them (survivors) how to leave their husbands! We never tell them that. We inform them of what their options are and help them with the decision they themselves have made," she said.

When the issue of insensitivity was raised during the workshop, the police response that they "had not received any complaints" from the relevant department so far did little to improve their public image.

Eye-opening

The difficulty of helping survivors without letting personal judgments and values get in the way was underlined by medical officer Fernandez who has treated many battered women in the course of his job.

"The cases I see can be quite haunting, and sometimes you just feel like grabbing the husband and telling him 'how dare you do this just because you're stronger', but most of the time, I feel pretty helpless because the care I can give is limited," he said.

He emphasised the importance of organisations like Awam as a further point of contact for abused women instead of care starting and ending with the police and hospitals.

"At least now I can give them a number to call instead of just telling them that everything will be 'all right' and sending them home," he said.

For others, the workshop proved to be a revelatory experience that served to galvanise their efforts to promote awareness of violence against women in society.

"It was eye-opening in terms of how women view the world differently from men. For example, a man following a woman down a street can feel threatening to her. In situations like that we take our safety for granted while a woman might not," said UKM clinical psychologist Ng.

Architect Subki Ahmad agreed that a man "wouldn't really know about the scale of violence in society" until he participated in a workshop like this and saw the facts for himself.

Product of socialisation

Social worker Paul Sinappan, the main speaker at the workshop, was heartened by the response from service providers.

"For the police, they start by seeing the situation in relation to their job. Everything is interpreted through the law.

"But after going through some sessions, they begin to change their view and come to a better understanding of survivors.

"At the end of the session today, not one of them referred to the law when they talked about violence. They were talking about mutual respect, the rights of survivors and common humanity," said Sinappan, who has conducted more than 10 workshops for men.

However, he warned that violence against women was escalating as some men expressed their fears and insecurities about the increasing prominence of women in all spheres of life by lashing out physically.

"All men are a product of socialisation. We understand women from this narrow viewpoint.

"There has to be more education and active involvement in some project or activity so that they can see what kind of changes they make.

"We need more practice and not just theory," he said.

WONG JOON IAN is a philosophy and journalism student at New York University. Now home on his semester break in Kuala Lumpur, he is getting a first-hand experience into the real world of journalism as an intern with malaysiakini .