In examining a PhD thesis recently, I wrote, " this section needs meticulous editing to cut the repetitions and clarify ambiguities. Avoid padding with convoluted academic expressions when succinct writing should be used to explain your inquiry".

Readers would want to know straight up what's being investigated, how the data is gathered to arrive at the conclusion in the context of past-current arguments, and whether the contents add new insights to old issues. In the academic world, however, it's a different reality. Research papers are written in a way that often confounds rather than communicates. Many believe that obscurity reflects profundity.

Indeed, abstruse language marks one of the excesses, and a curse, of academic communication. It's common to read multi-syllable ponderous 40-word sentences - split by commas; dotted by awkward semi-colons.

Reactions to the prevalence of bad writing circulating in the academic world have sparked a few 'bad writing contests'. The Philosophy and Literature journal runs one example of outing the pretentious academic discourse which is refreshing coming from philosophers. (See ABC Radio National interview with the founder of the contest.)

"Cut to the chase," I often say to students writing their final thesis. Sounds much like what good journalists should do anyway. Write to communicate insights, not impress with pompous language.

Here's a compilation of what thesis examiners that is, those who favour succinct clear writing - see are commendable work:

Organisation, Structure & Presentation

  • Thesis is very long (more than 400 pages), but navigation is helped by chapter summaries that will keep readers on track. Chapter 8 provides an effective summary that ties the major conclusions to the aims stated in Chapter 1.

  • Chapters are well-organised to facilitate the transformation of thesis to a book manuscript. Clearly written with minimal academic excesses. Thesis draws on an appropriate ensemble of references.

  • Within its conceptual framework the thesis has achieved significant inroads into clarifying the problems as well as their possible solutions. There is a positive shift in thinking from problem, issues and concerns to challenges, opportunities and imperatives for creative change.

  • Introductory section has a thorough understanding of both the theory and empirical findings in related research areas.

  • The results section shows a good grounding in statistical analyses and its application. Should have a good chance of publishing the findings.

  • A very detailed and well-organised exposition of the background related to the empirical research itself and the application of the findings.

    • Research & Literature Review

    • Ten pages of cited research materials are well presented in the bibliography.

  • These describe an impressive diversity of resources, including prominent authors, government reports, Internet sites, reputable journals, personal interviews.

  • Provides both an insightful review of past and most recent theoretical arguments.

  • To be congratulated on the inter-disciplinary research few are brave enough to attempt it, or have appropriate supervision at hand.

  • Makes a good contribution to the theoretical and practice-related debates on ...

  • A critical review of the history, policies and evidence for

  • It uses this review and analysis of the findings of previous studies, a case study and the researcher's own experiences to further inform this important debate.

  • Presents timely and relevant research, sensitively and respectfully constructed to recognize both Indigenous and non-Indigenous points of view.

  • Shows familiarity with existing authorities in the subject and affords good evidence of a standard of research work consistent with the requirements for the award of a PhD.

  • The research design appears to have been arranged to encompass the current discussion on its own terms but it has also thrown novel and different lights on these and related issues.

  • The design and new evidence can all be replicated, checked, verified and updated should a future need arise.

  • Conclusions reached are supported by new evidence and argument. They are not extravagant. They are appropriately cautious, but measured and well-made.

    • Arguments & Analysis

    • Thesis avoids the temptation to generalize beyond what is reasonable from such a small, non-random sample, yet the analysis provides at the very least a constructive starting point for other researchers and policy makers.

  • Open minded and reflective. Evidence of a 'reflective practitioner' at work the writer reflects upon the reliability of her work and the soundness of her new ideas, as well as those already in the literature.

  • Candidate's choice of various information sources constituted a commendable form of triangulation that added weight to the analysis and conclusions, though there were places where more depth was desirable, to complement the breadth.

  • Thesis commendable in three aspects: 1) the rigour in the presentation of the theoretical categories; 2) skilful application of those categories to specific areas of analysis; 3) insightful establishment of an interaction between theoretical fields, which are not frequently thought as interrelated.

  • Showed good reasoning in the interpretation of both prior theory and findings and the candidate's own findings. The analysis has avoided the pitfalls of parochialism.

  • The account combines in a seamless manner of understanding that is theoretically informed, process-related, rich in new evidence

    • Conclusions & Recommendations

    • Contains much useful and publishable data, and contributes sensibly to what I understand to be the field of

  • Insightful conclusions, especially about the nature and significance of policy changes and the assumptions that underpinned them.

  • A potentially important contribution to further debate about policy and practice, so its central ideas should be made accessible to the profession, to Indigenous Australians and to others with an interest in their future.

  • Summary discussion provides a clear substantial contribution to original research, which is a requirement of doctoral study.

  • The four final recommendations are solid and well-supported. For this reason alone, the thesis should be published, and would be of particular value as a working paper for

  • Important analyses in the thesis publishable in peer-reviewed journal articles. A significant number of important original publications will emerge from this study.

    • Some of the examiners' comments I consider to be "somewhere in between" are:

    • Title of the thesis could be contextualized more appropriately through a brief footnote to identify its source, implied meaning and inference, and locations in the text.

  • Need to clarify research methods used in collecting the data.

  • Need to provide background details on case studies so it could be read in context.

  • Had the research questions been sharply posed, a more definite conclusion may have been sought amidst the many details carefully amassed in previous chapters.

  • Deeper and more precise analysis of the literature not clearly demonstrated, although the candidate appears to understand a substantial portion of it as reflected in his summaries.

  • Ch 11 materials could have been presented as part of the thesis statement of purpose. Even if the recommendations might appear radical in an opening section, it is better for the reader to have some idea of what case the author is trying to prove, before the reader opens Chapter 1.

  • Would have been helpful to have included in the final chapter a summary list of recommendations arising from this investigation, especially specific guidelines on

  • More explicit advice on future research could have been offered in the final chapter. A fair literary effort, reads smoothly enough, but the thesis contains more than the usual number of rather silly statements.

    • What not to do in critical writing Pt 1