COMMENT "By George! What in God's name is that foul matter on the road?"

"Beg your pardon sir. I'm afraid that it is the excrement of a creature, perhaps that of a fowl."

And so goes the legend of how the now supposedly henpecked aristocratic son of the second prime minister, who spent many years in the United Kingdom, had his first encounter with chicken poo during a visit to rural Pekan after his father's death.

Dismissing the British twist to the tale, a fellow journalist, who recounted the legend which he had extracted from the lips of a veteran newsman, was certain that the conversation, if it had indeed taken place, must have transpired in a less dramatic fashion.

So after several minutes of rapturous laughter, which drew curious stares from the other patrons in the restaurant, we could not resist taking a peck at our former prime ministers as well.

NONEIf it had been the more agrarian Abdullah Ahmad Badawi in that situation, we concluded that he would have been able to tell, upon closer inspection of the texture, if the stool originated from a hen or rooster. After all, rumour has it that he is rather fond of chickens and had even reared them in Seri Perdana.

But if it was Dr Mahathir Mohamad, the Special Branch would have been ordered to track down the errant bird responsible for the pungent episode, which would have been deemed as a threat to his position, and detain the poor rooster under the Internal Security Act. Later, there might even be a black eye and a sodomy trial thrown in for good measure.

And since no Malaysian political satire would be complete without Anwar Ibrahim, we had to drag him into the coop as well.

So it was speculated that if the opposition leader had been present at the scene, he would have criticised the ruling coalition for the chicken's illicit outflow, held a series of ceramah and called for a mass demonstration.

Soon after this, a grainy black and white video recording of the chicken and a man resembling Anwar, but with a bigger waistline, would surface, prompting the latter to cry fowl.

Since this article is venturing along the path of flagitious humour, I shall also relate the opposition leader's bizarre antics at a ceramah prior to the general election, which had the predominantly Indian audience, mostly from the low-income bracket, in stitches.

NONEMuch to their amusement, he made a grand entrance, mimicking the dance steps of one of Tamil cinema's most iconic figures, MGR, while lip-synching the lyrics of one of the movie star-turned-chief minister's famous songs.

With impeccable timing and outstretched arms, he moved towards the edge of the makeshift stage where a few elderly Indian women had gathered, just as the song related how the hero would save the poor from drowning in a sea of tears.

And during his speech, Anwar roped in a domesticated animal. No, it was not a chicken, but a cow.

The opposition leader revealed that he is overwhelmed with concern whenever he returns to his village due to the presence of cows there.

"I am worried that Umno will take strands of my hair which shed in the bathroom, place them on the back of a cow and scream ‘DNA'," he joked, while the then Bersih co-chairperson S Ambiga squirmed in her seat, obviously unaccustomed to such crude burlesque.

Charlatan or political messiah? Heaven knows. But what unraveled at that ceramah is the political brilliance of the man.

He possesses an enviable, and to borrow the description of his critics, chameleon-like, prowess to connect with the crowd before him.

The chicken run

On the other hand, the chicken feces affair, whether fact or fiction, underscores the handicap Najib faces in being an elitist, who rose up the ranks by clinging on to his father's coattails.

And the situation is becoming increasingly difficult with Umno having lost its urban lustre and continues to remain in power due to the support garnered in rural areas, where chickens roam in abundance.

On the contrary, Deputy Prime Minister Muhyiddin Yassin and Umno's numero uno vice-president Ahmad Zahid Hamidi seem to be suffering from a different strain of political chickenpox.

While the two would have no problems recognising chicken droppings, urban and educated voters, however, perceive them as nothing more than dodo birds decked in designer suits, whose intellects have not evolved beyond the "why did the chicken cross the road" question.

But in Umno, these two have the upper hand as there is no shortage of birds of a feather in the party who would be more than willing to flock together.

NONEThen the conversation shifted to the likes of Khairy Jamaluddin and Saifuddin Abdullah, debonair and commonsensical individuals, whose political compasses point in the right direction but it appears to come at the expense of their moral compasses.

Their presence in Umno is a disappointment as the two seem capable of contributing so much more to the betterment of this nation and this does not necessarily mean having to join the opposition.

In their case, it is just Anything But Umno, where the likes of Bung Mokhtar Radin and other cavemen dwell.

And while Bung and his fellow Neanderthals can be pardoned for being a part of Umno because there is no other place for Stone Age tools, it is difficult to extend the same degree of forgiveness to the likes of Khairy and Saifuddin for belonging to a political institution with an antiquated ideology forged in race and creed.

Perhaps this is the steep price that one must fork out in a Faustian bargain of political ambition.

Bringing the ‘poultrylical' analysis to a conclusion, it must be noted that in this chicken run, it is Anwar who has emerged victorious.

Regardless of whether he becomes prime minister or not, this man has managed to surmount the odds, be it emotional, political, psychological or physical, to remain a political powerhouse, who, close to two decades after his unceremonious exit, still gives his rivals sleepless nights with his incessant crowing.

And for this, I admire him. Period!

On second thoughts, perhaps "appreciate" would be a safer word since "admiration" is now outlawed in Malaysia.

RK ANAND is a member of the Malaysiakini team.