So what does a man do on his wedding anniversary? Oh - that isn't politically correct, is it? I'd rather not risk the wrath of the entire Women's Liberation Movement, or the relatively new but nonetheless sprouting Gay Communities; so, at the minimal risk of being ridiculed by the MCPs (Male Chauvinistic Population), perhaps I should rephrase that question to the non-gender sensitive 'So what does one do on one's Wedding Anniversary?'.

Women, Gays and MCP issues aside, we should consider ourselves fortunate if we have a wedding anniversary to celebrate. But quite unlike birthdays which are basically a personal celebration of life and whatever achievement that comes with it, a wedding anniversary entails a joint celebration. The thing is, you invite friends to come over and celebrate a birthday, but not on anniversaries. Anniversaries are more often celebrated in the form of a private candle-lit dinner for two, preferably in a restaurant as high and as dark, if not as expensive, as possible.

Or perhaps it's not so much about the romantic candle-lit dinner after all. It's actually the reminiscence part. A time for reflection. For what is more appropriate to do on anniversaries than to recall memories. Remembering those long journeys traveled with each other. Recounting all those quality moments. Moments which, over time, have gained enough significance to become part of our life history; such time being long enough for both to completely know each other. To understand. And to love. A mere care and concern that has evolved into passion. A relationship that has blossomed into a mutually beneficial lifelong commitment.

Why we're the best

What exactly made us click so well in the first place, and has survived the endurance test over those long, challenging years might never ever be accurately pinpointed. Forget about looks. Or riches even. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that though most of us are undeniably sweet, adorable, generally good looking and, decidedly, above average in everything, we are no Shah Rukh Khan (or Hrithik Roshan, if you prefer) and Aishwarya Rai (or Preity Zenta, again, if you prefer).

Of course we are a far cry from being Halim Othman (he's still unmarried, come to think of it). Neither do we happen to be the heir to the Brunei throne. Nor possess the magical charm of Puteri Gunung Ledang. We could just barely rest our self-esteem on the proud declaration that we are unique individuals. Unique, just like everyone else.

Unique, yes. But desirable? Look at the mirror, and you know you'd shudder at the prospect of an honest answer to that, even from your own self. Over the years, what used to be rippling muscles have now turned into paunches below your chin and above your legs. In its place there is a large flab not unlike that spare tyre at the back of your brand new Mitsubishi Pajero V6. You used to be quite an athlete; now you have trouble even looking at your toes. And your waistline seems intent in catching up and surpassing your age.

Don't contemplate jumping out of your condo unit just yet. You might survive such a fall, and people just won't buy your story if you sheepishly claim to be Spiderman. Or Catwoman (see, this gender thing keeps cropping up). Vanity mirrors aside, let's not fret. Desirability and attraction are highly subjective, even though sometimes we attempt to compartmentalise them into objectives; and hence the deciding criterion hinges upon the size of one's wallet (or purse, as the case may be).

Car versus women

Whilst a car can be conveniently described as desirable according to its mechanical and aerodynamic power, plus other add-on values like comfort, luxury, sunroof, cubic capacity, horse power, traction control, multi valve injection, turbo or compressor, power window, power steering, satellite navigation and maybe the blue and white roundel or the three star emblem, trying to describe desirability in human beings requires one to be more abstract and tends to solicit a somewhat philosophical approach.

The more time we spend together, the more things we do together, and even the more times being away from each other, the more evident it would seem that it's not just one single thing that makes our relationship so special. Rather, it's a combination of a lot of things; some small, some big. Some expressed, some implied. Some intrinsic, some are not.

Perhaps it's the way we talk and hold hands. Or open doors. Or the way we sometimes spoon feed each other. And knowing exactly when to treat each other like kids, and when to treat each other like adults. When to be funny, and when to be serious. When to be loud, and when to be silent. When to just smile, and and when to just do nothing.

Those phone calls and SMSes. The way we sometimes argue, sometimes quarrel, and the way we always make up for it. And the fact that we are willing to share, and do things with each other. For each other. Or just letting each other do whatever we feel like doing. Things like going fishing. Shopping. Or whatever it is that we know the other likes. Or enduring his horrible rendition of the song Syair Si Pari-Pari. Or simply going back again and again to have Ikan Pari Bakar on a hot, sticky day at that Warung Ikan Bakar somewhere along Jalan Bellamy.

It's the small things...

Miniscule issues, but with gargantuan effect. Enough to differentiate. To appreciate the difference between passion and mere feeling. Between commitment and mere tolerance. Between making love and mere sex. Or worse, between mere sex and rape. Between being a passionate lover and a normal spouse. Things which generally go unnoticed. Things which we tend to take for granted. Only upon realization that not everyone enjoys, or have the privilege, opportunity and liberty to have such things, that we start to appreciate them. Tragic still, some people come to realize only once it's gone.

The more we think about it, the more we would realize and believe that we were made for each other. Moulded for each other. So much so that we always seem to complement each other. And fit each other like a glove. So together we would be better able to face and overcome life's many chances, changes and challenges. So let us treat each Wedding Anniversary as a milestone. As an important landmark in our life history. Even though we may never be Romeo & Juliet. Uda & Dara. Rama & Sita. Or Hang Tuah & Puteri Gunung Ledang.

Now to figure what to do with birthdays and the upcoming Valentine's Day.

ZAIM AL-AMIN is a lawyer and attached to an oil & gas company. His blog is at http://zaimhq.blog-city.com and you may contact him at: zaimhq@gmail.com .