Because of my status as a single woman, my friends believe that I am in dire need of re-programming. They've been espousing the virtues of a self-development programme that everyone in this town goes to, but I figured if I have to pay two grand to actualise my neuroses and that light will shine on me, I'd keep that money and crack a bulb on my head. There, aren't I enlightened?

Besides, spirituality is always good, and I'm a great believer in improving myself. So when a friend invited me to join her group, I said yes, it's not like I had a hectic social life anyway.

Now I've heard of this group. There are many tarikat groups in Malaysia, and quite a number are banned for deviant teachings. This one that I went to, was a bit of an eyebrow raiser. Lead by a charismatic leader, with devout followers, it's like getting instant social cachet. When I told my mother where I was heading, she was convinced that I'd turn into a Moonie or some concubine of a secret harem.

"Mother," I said, placing my hand on her shoulder, "God will take care of me."

"Godspeed my child. My prayers are with you."

"Thank you Mother. I'll be home by 11."

Sufism has always been mystical to me. The great Sufi poet, Rumi, has shrouded my mind and heart with his beautiful and lyrical words.

When your desire becomes the grave of your secret,

that desire of yours will be gained more quickly.

The Prophet said that anyone

who keeps his inmost thought

will soon attain the object of his desire.

When seeds are buried in the earth,

their inward secrets become the flourishing garden.

(The Six Faced Mirror, Mathnawi I, 175-177)

I could end up a great poet, I said as I made my way to the venue.

Beverley Hills 90210

Hello, hello, what have I got myself into, I thought as I was led into a house teeming with followers of the Great Sheikh. This didn't look like a typical religious class; this was a religious society magazine come to life. Faces I had seen in business pages of papers and magazines were part of the congregation. I'll say this: I had never seen such a good looking bunch of fervent believers. No wonder a number of them married each other; they were that beautiful. I felt like a country bumpkin among such a crowd.

The cars that came and dropped off their owners and families were sleek and (almost) new. Even our national pride and joy were new or well-maintained. I haven't even begun on the handbags. The occasion was to celebrate The Prophet's (peace be upon him) birthday. Men in kopiah thosai (cone-like hats) led everyone into songs of praise, and drummed their passion for God into drums. I was like a deer that wandered into a village prayers for me have always been quiet. At that revelry, it was singing and banging away on drums, and all that was missing were dancing girls in pantaloons.

It was time for jemaah prayers. Some of the women prayed not wearing the telekung . I was bemused, to say the least. This sure was a weird kind of Islam, I said to myself. Everyone prayed, and there was the routine zikir before the drums were banged and everyone began praising God, the Prophet and the Sheikh.

Later on my way home, I thought to myself:

Was I wrong in judging them? For they could very well be better beings than I.

Islam is not just about the compulsory prayers, fasting and contributing to zakat (tithe). A Muslim conducts his life filled with healthy activities that contribute greatly to his or her community, be it a totally Muslim or multi-ethnic society. It's as simple as offering a glass of water to the garbage collector, as well as offering a smile to strangers and friends. Ulamas too have a community role to play: it is not enough to issue fatwas, one had to be one with the upper as well as lower echelons of society.

Because of Islam's great emphasis on communal life, tarikats are popular. From what I was told by my ustaz, its beginnings tarikat started when a group of people settled down in an area in Raudah, somewhere behind where The Prophet's mausoleum is now. Travellers stayed there too, while the people of Madinah fed and took care of them. All they did was pray but when war beckoned, they were the first to battle and guard Islam and its followers. They were known as Ahlu Sufah. This was not the first proper tarikat though. Tarikat began three centuries later, after The Prophet's (pbuh) death.

Tarikats are based on their leaders' knowledge and yes, charisma. Upon reaching a certain level of Islamic education, the teachers teach their murids , and many times the teachers pass on their personal experiences to the students. They're popular for such organised groups are based on emotions and a sense of belonging.

Not all tarikats are outlawed and to be banned for they follow the tenets of Islam which are based on the Quran, the Hadiths, Ijma (what The Prophet's Sahabahs did and concurred) and Kias (analogy).

Pilgrimage

We're, be we Muslim or not, always looking for a shortcut to peace and happiness. So we breathe, chant, read motivational books and go for soul searching retreats. Even the most confident and accomplished ask who are we? Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life?

We seek.

Some then have unusual adventures, including worshipping a teapot.

(Look, what anyone worships is their business, but I cannot figure out how a tekoh can be an object of divinity. I'm not an expert on religion, I'm just a writer, but hey, whatever.)

Ayah Pin and his followers are making headlines internationally and back home, people either laugh or make disparaging remarks. I have never met him, though my colleague Claudia Theophilus has. I have read a lot about him and am very fascinated by his version of Disneyland.

Everyone wants to know: how can he have so many followers?

He's either a very charismatic marketing guy or he uses hypnotism. You should have heard some of the urban legends we were told about Sky Kingdom.

What is apparent from the reports is that his followers find peace and the serenity lacking in their lives. His kingdom provides a haven for the lost and troubled.

Just like these tarikats.

Some promise light from God; some say you'll become invincible. Many promise world domination and eternal happiness. In Indonesia, according to my ustaz, there's a tarikat whereby men and women pray stark naked.

Someone get me a flight to Indonesia. I can't pass up a chance to see people praying in the buff.

In Kuala Lumpur itself, there are many groups that have their own way of reaching spiritual enlightenment. Our religious departments and leaders are mortified, of course, at the splinter groups.

Why do people join such groups?

People are seeking better lives. What they have learned before does not work for them now.

You can say that they have little religious instruction, are base, should be shot to death, but herein lies a question: shouldn't we look within ourselves?

You have a child. You drill moral goodness and what-not into his head from young and then he rebels later on. Since he's doomed to hell anyway, why not be the syaitan that he is? Later you realise, if only you had instilled the love of Islam in his heart. If only you had done things in a more positive manner.

We're so concerned about Hell, that we've forgotten Heaven.

Be it cults, tarikat groups and the normal usrahs you get in the local mosque or surau, all these inspire a sense of belonging. The individuals may have their own agendas, but at the end of the day, they enjoy the camaraderie and support they get. Many that join such communities are troubled souls, and those seeking a piece of paradise while on earth.

I asked a friend who was familiar with the group I visited on why it was not outlawed if it was so un-Islamic. He laughed and said, "Are you mad? You've got half of the who's who there. Nobody will touch them."

My adventure with Sufism ended after a month of attending the gatherings. Maybe I'm not open-minded; maybe I'm conservative and a fundamentalist Muslim at heart. And maybe it's not meant for me. Who knows? All I know is they burned so much incense that I ended up with bad sinus attacks. I sneezed throughout the sessions, my nose dribbled as I drove home and I sneezed my way to sleep. The path to heaven was detrimental to my health. I'm sticking to Ustaz Arifin. He's no nonsense, fun and well read, and there's no kemenyan involved.

On my last night there, I bumped into one of the followers at the gate.

"I was like you when I was younger," she said.

"Eh?"

"You'll come back."

I smiled. I don't think so.

DINA ZAMAN's mother is relieved that her lost lamb has returned to the fold.

"Anakanda sudah pulang ke pangkuan ku!"

"Iya, bondaku! Anakanda sudah pulang!"

"Lain kali dengar cakap bonda!"

"Anakanda insaf bonda! Insaf!"

TAMAT