I have this habit of reading signboards, wherever they might be. One that amused me this morning was a placard placed on a toll booth of an ultra modern superhighway linking Kuala Lumpur and Petaling Jaya. Placed underneath the name of the toll booth operator, it says: "Please report if I do not (1) Smile (2) Give greetings (3) Say Thank You".

I strongly believe that not only our signboards effectively deliver a message; they also genuinely reflect the kind of society we are. For example, when we have these "Please Do Not Spit" signs everywhere, other people (read tourists) could not help but think that we are an ensemble of hyper-active people brazenly spitting at the slightest chance to do so, in blatant disregard to others.

PJ a city

Last week, whilst Petaling Jaya was smugly congratulating itself on being elevated to city status, its older sibling Kuala Lumpur was still reeling from the shock of being branded as one of the 'rudest' cities in the world. A survey by a popular international monthly digest rated KL (as Kuala Lumpur is fondly called) at a lowly 37th in a list of major cities worldwide in terms of courteousness.

Rude? Us? Malaysians were bewildered by the rating, and understandably so. We, who pride ourselves with our excellent hospitality, which is also one of Tourism Malaysia's salient marketing point to lure tourists. How can we be coy about that? No, we Malaysians are a friendly lot-lah. There must be a mistake somewhere maa . Obviously, this is another attempt to discredit us lor. After this they will bring our stock market down again. Or brand us as terrorists. Very rude terrorists, too.

Whichever way you look at it, being placed at number 37 out of a list of 40 is bad enough. To the uninitiated potential tourists, they'd harbour this impression that they risk being spat at on the very moment they step past our immigration counter. Or if they are unlucky enough, being spat at by the immigration officers themselves. That, certainly, is never the case here. So how did we manage to secure such low placing?

Of course, there are surveys and there are more surveys. The one conducted by Reader's Digest consisted of just three methods and was ran in just a few parts of KL. The three chosen tests were picking up dropped papers, holding doors open for others and saying 'thank you' to customers. Of course, the first thing that comes to mind is whether these virtues represent the ultimate yardstick in terms of courtesy. Maybe, but then again, maybe not.

Some virtues are peculiar to a certain place or people. In the cities that I have traveled to, I never cease to be amused at the different ways people show their good side. In Manila, I was surprised to see people queue up to enter an elevator the way we Malaysians would queue for an ATM. In Amsterdam, a huge city tram quietly halted and allowed me to cross a street. In Brussels, a burly six-footer Post Office clerk painstakingly explained how many stamps I needed to post a parcel back home. In a fast food outlet in metropolitan Paris, a group of noisy, heavily tattooed punks collected their leftovers and threw them into the bin. The list is endless.

In KL however...

So back here in Kuala Lumpur, people jostle with each other to board LRT coaches. Cars are parked indiscriminately and honks blared incessantly. Customer service remains as just one of the policies in some prominently displayed Clients' Charters. And of course, we never fail to do the Mc Donald's employees a great favour by keeping them employed (that's why we don't bother to throw our own rubbish, you see).

Indeed, there are times when we begin to believe that we really deserve to be among 'The Rudest'. Perhaps then we should just gamely accept that title, or even attempt to congratulate ourselves for the worldwide (albeit dubious) recognition. After all, from a really abysmal situation, you would have no other place to go but up.

Then again, we KL-ites can't be that bad. Ask any Mat Salleh or kwailoh who have been here, and in one breath they will gladly tell you that we Malaysians are doing okay. We still greet everybody warmly. We smile, shake hands and talk politely. We still bow occasionally and hold doors for people. We still say Terima Kasih ('Thank You'), perhaps with more warmth than any other people on this planet. We still help the disabled to cross the streets, or let them have a seat in any public transport (and honestly we didn't really do it because there is a signboard telling us to). And yes, our waiters and porters do their jobs without expecting to receive tips. For The Rudest City, not bad at all.

Maybe that survey was defective. After all, it's not as straightforward as finding out which is the most expensive city. Courteousness and rudeness, being subjective, are quite difficult to measure. With such a limited scope and equally limited target and period of study, the margin of error is huge. Whilst politeness is universal, the way in which it is expressed differs. For example, if we are to measure politeness in counting how many times people bow at each other, Tokyo would score top points hands (or rather, heads) down. In some cities, holding doors open for ladies could be the ultimate romantic gesture; in another city you could be considered lucky if you are just regarded as a frantic flirt.

So let's not be too over-reactive to the so-called independent survey results. Courtesy is not just about one particular thing or about one particular reaction by a particular group of people in a particular time at a particular place. It is not a reality show where people can vote in like Akademi Fantasia or American Idol. Hence, as long as we know our manners, no amount of survey should leave us unduly worried. Much less an ill-conducted one.

Father's duty

As any self-respecting parent worthy of celebrating the recent Father's Day, I also try to instill courteousness and other fundamental virtues in all my kids. Including minute details like teaching them to reply to each and every SMS that they receive. Even if it is just to send a single 'K' (for okay). Surprisingly, even some self-proclaimed bourgeois don't give a hoot about replying SMS. To each his own but that, to me, is being downright rude. Basic courtesy, after all, is about giving and replying. About sharing and caring. And of course, about doing selfless things straight from the heart.

I always consider my family as the typical average Malaysian Malay Muslim middle class modern metropolitan KL family. Like all KL-ites, we are not averse to urbanization, technologies and whatever comes with them. But despite all those, we still retain our most traditional values. My kids still politely bow if they have to walk in front of me. My wife still asks my permission whenever she needs to step out from the house. On occasional weekends we still exchange dishes with our immediate neighbours. Just as it has always been within the family for generations.

The key is just to be ourselves, and to be good. A smile is still a smile, never mind what other people would say of us. We have managed to live in harmony for so long, and that in itself should speak volumes of who we really are. Not only are we courteous, but we have proved that we are a tolerant lot. Perhaps the ultimate proof of the latter comes in the form of another signboard which somebody sent me via e-mail attachment earlier today.

Still on the topic of spitting, this one gently pleaded: "Please Do Not Spit Too Loudly"

ZAIM AL-AMIN is a frequent contributor to rentakini . His observations on life and the tiny details are inspiration for his column.