When PAS spiritual adviser Nik Abdul Aziz Nik Mat encouraged the ulama (religious scholars) to practise polygamy, he claimed they would make “model polygamous husbands”.

"In Kelantan, the people like polygamous marriages. Normally, when a man likes a beautiful woman, he will take her as his second wife. But after they have children, he will divorce the woman. This is the bad image that I meant should be cleaned up."

I do not doubt his sincerity and the reasons for promoting polygamy within the religious context.

Muslim men maintain their religious right to four wives. But with rights, come responsibilities. Polygamous men must provide equally for each wife - emotionally, financially, physically and in terms of religion.

NONE However, after the first flush of remarrying, many abrogate their responsibilities. Like Nik Aziz himself observed, “.…after they have children, he will divorce the woman….”.

In reality, polygamy has deviated from its original purpose, which was to protect widows and orphans. The victims are the women and the children. Theirs is the untold story of neglect, poverty and injustice.

What people read about is only the tip of the iceberg. My involvement with volunteer organisations reveals sad, desperate women with families torn apart by apathy, indifference and neglect.

Being men of the cloth is no precedent for good behaviour. Halfway across the world, the Vatican has ordered a shake-up of the Catholic Church in Ireland. The Holy Father was outraged that, for over three decades, priests have abused the children under their care.

Ulama are men, too. And men have their human failings. The lines between religious conviction and ardour are easily traversed. Thus, religion is no guarantee for setting a good example amongst men.

Recently, attention focused on the Polygamy Club and also on the suggestion by an official that polygamy could control prostitution and adultery. Men were encouraged to marry single mothers or widows, to reduce divorce rates and assist single mothers.

I am outraged when people make glib suggestions rather than deal seriously with the problem.

Kelantan has a high divorce rate, high numbers of single mothers and abandoned women, broken families, psychologically damaged children and a massive rise in HIV cases from sexual activity, mostly in married women.

Women are not trophies to be made second, third or fourth wives. Polygamy is not the panacea for prostitution or adultery. Marrying is not to be confused with prostitution - a wife in not a man’s personal ‘prostitute’. She is not a plaything, to be discarded once he tires of her and moves on to the next acquisition.

Harmful attitudes

Polygamy only reinforces harmful attitudes towards women. Some men can’t even provide the basics of one marriage, let alone four.

Kelantan has 16,500 registered single mothers below the age of 60. This figure excludes those left in the lurch by their husbands.

Single mothers cannot register at the Welfare Department or related agencies when their husbands leave them without filing for divorce. Abandoned women wishing to remarry may be charged with bigamy.

Men are creatures of habit. A blushing bride could, in a few years be replaced by another, fresher-faced ‘younger’ version. Nevertheless, hubby knows that when he is decrepit, Wife No 1 will dutifully deal with his double incontinence, unlike his younger wives, who might treat him with derision.

Furthermore, one always hears of a man remarrying on the demise of his wife. She then shoulders the burden of looking after him and his household. How often do we hear of a widow remarrying after her husband’s death? It says something about the character of women.

Women are not the problem; it is the men.

montage For a start, Syariah laws are not standardised throughout Malaysia. The law is laborious and sometimes, ineffective in helping divorced women, who are left penniless.

Laws that discriminate women must be amended. Irresponsible men continually escape with minimal fines. Effective deterrents should be introduced so they will think twice about abusing or mistreating their wives.

More problems are created in polygamy. There is a high divorce rate among Muslims compared to the other religions. Why? It is because of the Muslim man’s unilateral right to divorce his wife at will and for any reason.

His right, as far as he is concerned, is to have four wives, to demand obedience, to beat his wife, to have sex on demand and to divorce his wife at will.

We did have laws to halt this apparent ease to divorce. But when certain sections of society objected to the amended Family Law, the lawmakers buckled under pressure.

And the result? A proliferation of divorce, broken families, children without a stable home.

muslim islam malays 250806 men Another long-term solution is to focus on the upbringing of our sons. They should be nurtured to become mature, responsible, caring, law-abiding, brothers, fathers and husbands who will respect women and treat them with equality. In our culture, men are treated with reverence at best and molly-coddled, at worst.

We must focus on building strong, long-lasting, happy relationships with a solid foundation based on trust, mutual respect and effective communication.

If Nik Aziz is sincere in cleaning up the bad image of polygamy, he could engage the others who are instrumental in strengthening the Syariah laws in Malaysia. There is a lack of political will amongst our male leaders, for it is them who pull the strings of power. Could they be afraid of unleashing the potential might of women?

Maybe, women can be blamed for something. It is for not speaking out often and loud enough when voicing their frustrations and venting their anger at the leaders and politicians who hold the key to help.

I am grateful to the few who have done so but it needs more women who have suffered, who are still suffering and who know of others who are suffering. We need a tsunami of painful experiences to relate, engulf and energise lawmakers into action.

But in the meantime, we should stop using religion as a means to justify a man’s right.