A broken society of short fuses?

We are distracted from what is happening in society by the deliberate manipulation of religion into the latest political football.

Increasing violent crime, uncontrolled migrant worker deaths, babies dumped, elderly people abandoned by the roadside; but the saddest and most recent incident was a depressed child who fatally ingested insecticide. She was twelve.

These are signs that our society is breaking up.

In Ipoh last month, a man who indiscriminately blocked a parked car bludgeoned the person who rebuked him to death with a steering lock. The victim didn't just lose time waiting to move his car- he lost his life, too.

When sentenced, the attacker showed no hint of remorse. Are we a nation of short fuses?

All these examples are linke d to wider social problems which range from family breakdowns, drug abuse, and easy access to violent and hardcore pornographic DVDs.

Reports of students attacking teachers, parents slapping teachers and chronic bullying show that schools are not spared.

We resort to our fists when displeased. Are we so consumed with cari makan (seeking our livelihoods) that we neglect our duties as parents?

Do we pass this responsibility to our maids, or ignore them altogether? Some children know no boundaries, have to fend for themselves and without rules or restrictions, grow into feral adults.

A father's emotional blackmail

Only last week, Harian Metro reported that a father threatened to divorce his wife if their 20-year-old daughter, Siti Nurhana, proceeded with her marriage plans.

My inclination is to call this man's bluff.

No woman should be threatened or emotionally blackmailed. Siti's father may have legitimate reasons for withholding consent but he should advise, not antagonise; counsel, not condemn.

By threatening divorce, he is implicitly shifting the burden onto Siti and forcing her to take sides.

Did he imagine he was giving her a choice? The choice of her own happiness at the risk of her mother's? He is a coward and an irascible bully. No one should be allowed to control or dominate in this manner. Women, be it his wife or daughter, are not possessions.

Who knows the trauma, abuse and emotional damage her mother has already suffered? Siti's mother should leave him regardless.

Other clues to her father's irrational behaviour was when she revealed he was a hot-tempered man, who refused to meet his prospective son-in-law but had instead threatened injury.

Siti, a sales promoter, had already delayed her wedding by a year. Her attempts to persuade her father to give her away were unsuccessful. He may have rightly felt she was too young.

But economic or personal reasons may cause some children to mature earlier. They support their families because their parents are unable to do so. Or, they may themselves be the children of single parent families and are helping out the parent, usually the mother. Parents are expected to lead by example but sadly, not in Siti's case.

Domestic violence needs to be remedied

If we want to decrease crime levels in our society, reducing domestic violence, which is rampant in Malaysia, will be a good start. We fail to act because of the sensitivities surrounding family life and the intimacies of marriage.

Domestic violence is a criminal act, not a family matter. Sadly, we turn a blind eye rather than report a friend, family member or neighbour.

A national survey in 1989 found that 39 percent of Malaysian women were victims of domestic violence. Malaysian police showed an increase in reported domestic violence cases from 3,264 in 2006 to 3,769 in 2008.

The women who sought refuge were in their twenties and thirties. Malays (45 percent) and Indians (41 percent) were the most affected. 50 percent of these women were married. Malays also recorded the highest divorce rates of all the races.

A joint study on polygamy by the Institute of Malaysian and International Studies (IKMAS) and Sisters in Islam (SIS) found that children were left emotionally scarred, women were unfairly treated, and polygamous marriages formed unstable and dysfunctional families.

W henever cases of incest or rape were reported in the east-coast states of Kelantan and Terengganu, the authorities routinely prescribed more religious education. Do they sincerely believe religion to be the panacea for men's evil, sadistic and sexual intentions?

Furthermore, is there a separate domestic violence act under syariah law? If domestic violence is a crime for non-Muslims but not for Muslims, then it makes a mockery of Islam. Maybe that helps explain why Muslim men record the highest cases of domestic violence.

Even the Deputy Women, Family and Community Development minister Chew Mei Fun said that domestic violence and rapes were increasing despite preventive measures, and that laws and regulations which discriminated against women and hindered their empowerment would be reviewed.

For a start, she could move to abolish Section 498. This defunct law renders married women incapable of thought and decision-making, but only worthy of childbearing or home-making.

Try convincing the women in industry, education, banking and politics who have successfully managed career and family that they are their husband's property and are gormless baby-making machines.

When M P Teresa Kok asked whether there were plans to amend Section 498, the Home Minister Hishammuddin Hussein ( right ) replied that the government had no intention of abolishing the law as it is an isolated case.

So is he suggesting that marital rape (still not considered an offence) or violation of a wife's rights will be termed isolated cases? His message says men have the right to control women against their will. Does 1Malaysia include discrimination against women?

If our home minister seems unable to distinguish between a good law and a bad law, how does he hope for sections of our community to show respect for authority, respect for the law and respect for women?

How can he expect to mend our broken society if the moral failures are not addressed?