I recently learned that my 16-year-old cousin, a Sikh who is required by his faith to keep his hair and his head covered, wishes to cut his hair and no longer wear a turban. As an older, second-generation member of my family, I was asked to advise my cousin. This article expresses my failure to offer him any meaningful counsel.

A social, psychological, or nationalistic assessment of the situation has yielded no answers. These analyses only further confuse my ability to help my cousin. The anniversary of 9/11 aggravates my confusion; this event has influenced my cousin's desire to offer his identity up to a pair of scissors.

Perhaps the most significant reason my cousin has questioned the efficacy of these religious requirements is the teasing he receives in school. Having gone through the same public school system, I know everyone is teased.

Teasing teaches you how to defend yourself, maintain your composure in difficult social situations, and develop a sense of humor. A moderate amount of teasing can be healthy.

However, there is a difference between being called 'four eyes' and being called Osama bin Laden or being taunted for your culture's idiosyncrasies and being associated with terrorists.

New world

This type of teasing is more than simple childhood ribbing. It means being picked on in a unilateral fashion such that one is socially isolated. A religious headdress can cause a child to be gawked at as if he were so unusual or offensive as to be subhuman. This teasing casts doubt on the legitimacy of one's religion, national loyalty, and mere presence undoubtedly has damaging psychological consequences to a child's sense of self.

By eliminating the most distinctive features that differentiate my cousin from others, he may receive more favorable treatment from his classroom chums and he may obtain a more favorable self-image.

As a Sikh who has had his hair cut since infancy and has experienced the social climate during the Gulf War and post-9/11 America, I posit that the hate will remain. Indeed, those who bear even the slightest resemblance to the 9/11 hijackers will be discriminated against.

While the severity of the discrimination might not be as great as someone who has had his hair cut, the post 9/11 reality means that South Asian Americans and Arab Americans are always suspect because of their physical characteristics. Simply, in this new world after 9/11 those with brown skin cannot escape the perception of being dangerous or unwelcome.

Sadly, the treatment suffered by my cousin is not confined to the schoolyard or classroom. Sikhs and others, nationwide, have been verbally harassed, physically attacked, and murdered by adult Americans who, like some children, possess an irrational dislike for those who are different.

At least with kids we might excuse their ignorance for a lack of mental maturity, but when the perpetrators are adults, there can be no justification for acts of hate against South Asian Americans or Arab Americans.

The essence of the American nation and its citizens is a diversity of cultures, perspectives, and values. In Federalist 10, James Madison argues, "Extend the sphere [of those to be included in the republic], and you take in a greater variety of parties and interests; you make it less probable that a majority of the whole will have a common motive to invade the rights of other citizens."

It is unfortunate that emulating a Caucasian or adapting Western appearances would make someone more amenable to other Americans, or to be included in a society that one is already a member and, therefore, considered an American.

This discussion leads to a more unsettling question: what will my cousin think on each anniversary of Sept 11? He will surely mourn those lost and reflect on where he was when the tragedy occurred, just like other students.

He will likely ponder whether he is grieving with Americans or among them, and if the anniversary will incense the ignorant to the point that he should be fearful of retribution for an act he certainly condemns.

It is a shame that an individual's ability to engage in the remembrance will be interrupted by his concern for his safety. He may wave the American flag, not as a sign of pride or patriotism, but to prove to others that he is American. This has been the practice of many Sikhs since 9/11.

Superficial adjustment

It is clear to me that any significant improvement in the way Americans treat South Asian Americans or Arab Americans will not take place through a superficial adjustment by the latter. The change must take place through the former's appreciation that those of South Asian or Arab descent are Americans, and that these individuals contribute to and secure the happiness and liberty enjoyed by all.

Indeed, only other Americans must assimilate and respect diversity and tolerance. The same perspective was stated centuries ago in Madison's Federalist Appeal. One of the failures of the patriotic ethos that pervades our nation today is the inability of the American to acknowledge the impact 9/11 has had on South Asian Americans and Arab Americans, and recognise that these individuals also mourn and that they have suffered acts of hate, discrimination, and death at the hands of American zealots who are interested in satisfying their caustic emotions at the expense of others.

All this considered, I still do not know what to tell my cousin. Should he sacrifice his religious tradition and part of his self for a chance at better life in America? Irrespective of his decision, this dilemma is in itself disheartening and highlights a sad state of affairs in America. Individuals like my cousin are questioning their security, character, and metaphysical beliefs attributes that this fundamentally pluralistic society should embrace, not marginalise.

Dawinder Sidhu is a second-year law student at The George Washington University Law School, and serves as political theory editor of the Johns Hopkins Journal of American Politics, and lives in the US.