I saw a couple of Malay colleagues of mine decorating their cars enthusiastically with a Jalur Gemilang the other day.

Beaming with joy, they were arguing about the best way to showcase their love for the nation; should the flag be draped on the front, side or back, or all over the place?

It was drizzling, but the raindrops failed to dampen their zeal, and I could see they were very much in mood for Merdeka.

Naturally, I was feeling some slight guilt deep inside me: what would they make of my lack of patriotic gesture in this festive month of August?

Would my loyalty to the nation fall under a subtle suspicion of their eyes merely because a national flag is nowhere to be found on my car? For those few moments, something must have seemed amiss with me.

And I dashed off in no time, for there was no better way to put a halt to this delicate conflict with which I have to wrestle from time to time.

You see, as a sensitive person, I cannot help being acutely aware of the expectations of the majority ethnic group in Malaysia, for others to express their gratitude to the nation. Not a rebel by birth, I nevertheless harbour profound mistrust for those who take delight in subjecting others to the patriotism test.

Talking it up

Year in year out, we have ministers prescribing to us the right and proper formulas to conduct and behave ourselves come the month of August, and no-one can match the gusto of Abdul Kadir Sheikh Fadzil, who, as tourism minister, did much to drum up the patriotic spirit of Malaysians, by nagging us to fly the flag, especially the non-Malays.

Abdul Kadir's philosophy goes like this: by putting up a united front and the friendliest Malaysian smile possible, foreigners would flood the country and splash their dollars, yens, yuans or pounds in immeasurable generosity.

Having been moved to the ministry of information earlier this year, he refuses to let his zeal cool off. This year, Abdul Kadir has proposed that toll plazas nationwide stop operation for twenty minutes just before the midnight of 31 August, so that drivers could join in the celebration of the 47th Merdeka, in a most ingenious manner.

Since Abdul Kadir's mania with Merdeka is genuine, why doesn't the prime minister make him a goodwill ambassador to promote Malaysia overseas? That way, everyday would be like Merdeka relived for him, and our nation would be well represented by a faithful and high-spirited envoy on world stage.

Deep-seated social issues

But my slightly detectible anxiety over flag flying highlights a deeper dimension to the issue, that there is hardly any substantial interaction between races in Malaysia on the actual meaning of Merdeka.

At independence, there was a social contract to honour, according to which non-Malays became Malaysian sui juris, and were expected to duly recognise the bumiputra status of the Malays.

Hence, a maximal compromise was made as far as the Malays were concerned, and any 'undue' demand from the non-Malays would inevitably be seen as seeking to undo the contract.

On the part of the non-Malays, citizenship was perhaps the minimum that they could gain at the time of Merdeka, and there was room for more.

However, whenever an Indian or a Chinese attempted to stake his or her own legitimate claim to educational or cultural rights 'outside the acceptable purview', he or she would be seen as pushing the boundaries, and risk being branded an extremist.

Dr Mahathir Mohamad, for one, never seems able to understand this. Perhaps fearful of slipping into public oblivion, he was at the name-calling game again this week, accusing those opposed to the English switch 'Malay chauvinists' and 'Chinese extremists'. He must find it unpalatable that the fiery remarks of his were relegated to insignificant corners of the press.

Given the seemingly irreconcilable differences over the inception of the Malaysian state, plus the many other inter-ethnic disputes since 1957, do we really need further explanation on the missing zeal for Merdeka among many non-Malays?

The Malay may be pleased with the timely service of Abdul Kadir, for many an Ah Tan, his constant nagging over flag flying is nothing but a public nuisance.

Interestingly, in his 'What They Say' column, Zainon Ahmad of The Sun , whose commentary on Malaysia's socio-political issues is often conveyed through created characters of different ethnic origins: Chong, Zain, Mohan, Azman etc is, this month, in tune with the event of patriotism.

Zainon is this week calling Malaysians to learn more about our history in order to keep our national bond intact.

Which part of history?

The problem is, what part of the history would we like our children to learn? If too much emphasis is put on the role of the Malay soldiers fighting against the Japanese occupation in the 1940s, the Chinese will be offended.

While, too positive an assessment of the contribution of the Communist Party of Malaya to the ending of British rule would antagonise the Malays, leaving the Indians and the minority groups in the Peninsula, Sabah and Sarawak to search agonisingly for their rightful positions in Malaysia's history.

At times, I feel like telling Zainon to come out of his cloud cuckoo land and stop all this fakery of multi-racial chat over serious issues. Since when have we witnessed a cordial and frank discussion on politics between the races in public places such as a Mamak stall or a kopitiam?

The fact is, Malaysians of all races keep politics amongst themselves and share it with their own kind to avoid unnecessary embarrassment or ill-feelings.

I do resent the seasonal nagging for me to fly the flag, and will not have my car express my patriotic spirit for me even in the Merdeka month. But I know I will not be the only one, for Marina Mahathir is with me on this, much to her father's disappointment.

After all, it would not do the nation proud if one beats the traffic lights with pieces of Jalur Gemilang draping all over one's car, would it?